So I'm totally not inspired to write. But its been a while since i wrote last about the great endeavours of my fascinating life. That, and I'm bored stiff, stuffed with chicken and irritated by DSTV's repetitive adverstisements. They make my brain feel like goo. You know I can get the point of what your trying to say if you replay the same clip three times. After that, its just nagging.
Anyway...
On the 10th of december at exactly 9 pm i handed in my last exam of 2009... BLISS. I was so ready to have fun and party!!!!!
REWIND<<<
I havent told you about the progress Brit have made have made. :-) :-)
Allow me to do it in a recap fashion... He is the best, most sensual, sentimental, ragingly fierce lay that I have ever had. And i dont mean firece in a Tyra Banks kind of way. ( I am half heartedly her fan).
He is OFFICIALLY the best I have ever had. Puts me first,serves my drink, gives me the bigger pillow, nini nini. Baby would never do that. I was so used to not being treated like i mattered that i honestly thought I was happy and that nothong was wrong.
--BACK TO THE PRESENT
And after my last paper, I was ovationed out of the exam room with one beautifull text (from BRIT) and a shot of tequilla at the local pub (FROM SASSY). Bliss.
He looked so dash. I saw him smile from across the room while Sassy ushered me towards him; how cute.
We spent the next SEVEN days together at my place. It was so...great! We woke up when WE wanted, made the bed when I wanted, cooked when HE wanted, made love however whatever wherever. One day, he left top go pick up and important letter that came for him from Britain and when he got back, he had a huge ass bottle of wine and a bottle of Top Secret whisky; blended with brandy (hope I got that right)...And to top it all of, chocolates. oh and a whole chicken for dinner the next day ( as I was already cooking when he walked in) minced beef and bacon.
Is this real???
Maybe THE LAW OF ATTRACTION does really exist. You know, the famous book and film; the Secret...
He caught a flu the next night and i spent the it warming tea, squeezing flu remedies out of my brain and muttering 'Bless yous'. (I have the flu now).
The next night, I felt that the room was too hot so he opened all the windows and half an hour later there were at least twenty something mosquitoes resting and buzzing around the mosquito net. (he counted). See i thought they were like four or five mosquitoes but when I went and turned on the lights there four or five mosquitoes flying but about twenty ON THE NET!! it was horrifying and disguisting to see that. So I grabbed a can of RAID and SPRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYED! i hate hate hate bugs. Once Brit had one whiff of the insecticide his flu symptoms got abit worse so, to get some fesh air, we decided to grab some duvets and go stand at the balcony for a few minutes.
Which later turned out to be an hour.
It was a beautiful night and having Brit with me made it magical. And then, he brought it up. Relationship. Oh shit.
By then we had already started playing with the idea of being in love..Sometimes carelessly yelling it out loud; like when i tasted the stew he had made one noit...or when he was about to hit orgasm he blurted it out,(oooh the sweat bwteen us!) or when we spoke about how our parents would react when we brought home significant others from oppossing Kenyan tribes...
"Please dont ask me tonight babe..." I muttered.
"So what do you call us? we are sleeping together, we're exclusive, we really like each other. And now we are starting to feel bigger feelings.. " He started to ask.
I explained to him (again) how when we tag what we have as a relationship that all the shit will start to happen. Like tension when i ask where he is, or awkwardness when we are seen together (right now)... I mean, without that label, 'relationship' I can call him and ask where he is without that notion that im being insecure or when he is out and im not he doesnt have to feel stressed that i might be trippin. Just shit like that.
Its been a month with Brit now but basically im just not ready.
The best thing is that he gets this. but if he does why did he bring it up again? AND PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I AM THE RELATIONSHIP TYPE. BUT A THREE YEAR DEVASTATING TOXIC RELATIONHIP WITH BABY JUST SHOOK MY WHOLE ROMANCE SYSTEM. I reeeallly LIKE Brit. sometimes i even think i love him (yaaaaa).
And the way we are together is so amazing and fresh and unbelievable to me. I am crazy about him. But im scared that a relationship so soon could ruin things.
I fIgured he wanted to be assured that I am his and that I am not going anywhere. And thats what i told him. We are playing house; as relationship people do but, i just want to be called 'together'.
I cant stop thinking about him. And he cant stop telling me how much he misses me... Its such a honeymoon phase i tell you but i love it.
I could be falling in love.
My mom will die once she finds out what tribe he is.. :-)
And today do you know what he texted me... "you complete me..."
hahaha. Giggling.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
I recognise the butterflies
I couldnt do a second date with BFP... Cuppa, i tried to overlook all that stuff but i couldnt. So i have remained friends with him but broken off the whole deal.
Last Thursday I left the house ( for the pub) pretty late. By the time i got there some of my friends were 'happy!' lol.
Class time approached. I hate this class cuz it fucks up all my thirsty thursdays. I've missed so many of them so this thursday i had to attend it.
Class didnt suck so much so once i got out i was all pumped to do assignments and study etc. my plan was to go straight home. But, since my oh-so-cool-super-girl-crew was still at the pub i decided to go for a lap of honour.
I walked in. As i did, i glanceed to my right and saw ...(allow me to change his name because I didnt relaise he'd be a part of this blog before)Brit, and etc.
So heres the the thing with Brit.
I had the hugest crush on him since like four weeks ago. He was my first crush/like after Baby. I realised only later that he didnt go here (my uni) and only comes over to have a drink with his boys who do go here.
First time we met i was DRUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNK!!!!!! The alcohol gave me the courage to talk to him. Asked him to take a pic wiv me haha. He agreed. And then we started to talk. And i thought....nah... I didnt feel like we clicked. So i was like blegh. what a waste becasue HE IS SO HOTTT.
Second time we met, it hit me how drunk I was on the first time we met and was totally embarrased. Despite the fact that I was no longer into him, I still didn't want to look bad. Plus i couldnt remember A WORD we talked about on that first rendezvous; what if i talked shit. Maybe thats why he didnt turn up the next week, i thought. So a part of me wanted to redeem my alcohol influnced behaviour. We bumped into each other when he was with his boys and i was with male-super sanguine (who are also his friend) outside the pub. After he said hallo,(he hugged me tight) i looked at him for any reaction...nothing. It looked as if he was either shy or just trying to hint that he didnt want my stories that day.I decided that it had to be the latter. He wasn't even looking at me. Shit, so i must have blundered. oh shit. the whole night we sat on opposite ends of the bar with no exchange.
I let it go and thought, oh fuck it. Third time we met. Same place... This day after my class-the one that got me syked to do my assignments...and im walking into the pub. I was walking past his friends (hadnt seen him yet) beacuse i had said hi to them before. But then i saw him. And he didnt look away. Infact he was loooking-loooking. so i decided to say hi. I did. He hugged me tight again... you know, more than usuall. so I waited for him to get awkward. He didnt. He was asking me whre I'de been, if i'm here for a drink. and then he just went quiet after BigMan started talking to me. Okay so he's not really outgoing?
Anyway, i went to sit with my girls. They were SUPER HAPPY now!! Especially Sassy. Lover her when she's high. I take a seat.
Brit comes. Sits to my left me on the adjacent table where his/my boys sat. A half hour goes by and he doesnt walk up to me. OOOOkkkkay, i dont get him at this point cuz i keep catching him looking at me and laughing at my jokes. I remember i have mad asignments and decide to tell evryone bye. give urrbody a kiss on the cheek and when i got to him, i wave goodbye. As i start to turn he holds my arm and pulls me to him wooooo. Asks me why im going and if im going out. I say i have lots a work.
"you have a good time when you go out..." is what i heard him say. His Brit accent can be heard in the shadow of his Kenyan accent. So im never sure what he says. And I say
" Yeah i usually have a good time"
"Nah I mean tonoit. if you com out wiv os, you will av a goot one..."is how he spoke
so sexy.
we spoke for another hour or so. He is so cute up close. Was i that drunk that day? He gave me butterflies and everything. For some strange reason, as we spoke, that song for Black eyed peas;meet me half way kept playing in my head. i dont know why. he makes me feel of that song hihi.
HOmetime. I tell him ive got to go. Coincedentally, so does he. we walk out. Meet a couple of friends on the way out say hi etc etc. he ofers to walk me to where im meeting a couple of my friends who im going home with.
Hearts racing.
Hugging goodbye.
He leans in for a Kisssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kiss back.
He kisses me again...!!!
i kiss back
I dont remember what he says after.Maybe i dint hear... but I say, "Ask for my number next time we meet."
He says okay
He goes.
I LOL with my pal.
I walk off like ten yards. Turn back and his standing where we kissed with his/boys. I wave. he waves back.
Saturday..
We bump into each other at a club on the rave. he looks so dashing. Black rose tells me she noticed some hot guy in the club and realised it was him. Ma butterflies nini nini. he buys me a drink. we chat, dance... kiss kisss kissss... Bigman calls him. Thyre leaving. Aks for my number. i give it to him. He is soooo hot!
Sends a text at like 5am saying it was nice seeing me. i was so sleepy and tipsy i couldnt reply.
Next day, Sunday he sends a text
"Hey gorgeous... Av a good time Yesternyt? I did"
What the hell is YESTERNYT!!!! LOL. Hes such a brit. anyway, he asks me to go online. He is with Male-Super Sanguine. We chat for ages...
Lets see how this one will play out.
*baby called me yesterday. Told me that he was told i was on the rave. Sent a text after saying that he is still in love with me. Okay.
CIAO .
Mwah Mwah Mwah
Last Thursday I left the house ( for the pub) pretty late. By the time i got there some of my friends were 'happy!' lol.
Class time approached. I hate this class cuz it fucks up all my thirsty thursdays. I've missed so many of them so this thursday i had to attend it.
Class didnt suck so much so once i got out i was all pumped to do assignments and study etc. my plan was to go straight home. But, since my oh-so-cool-super-girl-crew was still at the pub i decided to go for a lap of honour.
I walked in. As i did, i glanceed to my right and saw ...(allow me to change his name because I didnt relaise he'd be a part of this blog before)Brit, and etc.
So heres the the thing with Brit.
I had the hugest crush on him since like four weeks ago. He was my first crush/like after Baby. I realised only later that he didnt go here (my uni) and only comes over to have a drink with his boys who do go here.
First time we met i was DRUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNK!!!!!! The alcohol gave me the courage to talk to him. Asked him to take a pic wiv me haha. He agreed. And then we started to talk. And i thought....nah... I didnt feel like we clicked. So i was like blegh. what a waste becasue HE IS SO HOTTT.
Second time we met, it hit me how drunk I was on the first time we met and was totally embarrased. Despite the fact that I was no longer into him, I still didn't want to look bad. Plus i couldnt remember A WORD we talked about on that first rendezvous; what if i talked shit. Maybe thats why he didnt turn up the next week, i thought. So a part of me wanted to redeem my alcohol influnced behaviour. We bumped into each other when he was with his boys and i was with male-super sanguine (who are also his friend) outside the pub. After he said hallo,(he hugged me tight) i looked at him for any reaction...nothing. It looked as if he was either shy or just trying to hint that he didnt want my stories that day.I decided that it had to be the latter. He wasn't even looking at me. Shit, so i must have blundered. oh shit. the whole night we sat on opposite ends of the bar with no exchange.
I let it go and thought, oh fuck it. Third time we met. Same place... This day after my class-the one that got me syked to do my assignments...and im walking into the pub. I was walking past his friends (hadnt seen him yet) beacuse i had said hi to them before. But then i saw him. And he didnt look away. Infact he was loooking-loooking. so i decided to say hi. I did. He hugged me tight again... you know, more than usuall. so I waited for him to get awkward. He didnt. He was asking me whre I'de been, if i'm here for a drink. and then he just went quiet after BigMan started talking to me. Okay so he's not really outgoing?
Anyway, i went to sit with my girls. They were SUPER HAPPY now!! Especially Sassy. Lover her when she's high. I take a seat.
Brit comes. Sits to my left me on the adjacent table where his/my boys sat. A half hour goes by and he doesnt walk up to me. OOOOkkkkay, i dont get him at this point cuz i keep catching him looking at me and laughing at my jokes. I remember i have mad asignments and decide to tell evryone bye. give urrbody a kiss on the cheek and when i got to him, i wave goodbye. As i start to turn he holds my arm and pulls me to him wooooo. Asks me why im going and if im going out. I say i have lots a work.
"you have a good time when you go out..." is what i heard him say. His Brit accent can be heard in the shadow of his Kenyan accent. So im never sure what he says. And I say
" Yeah i usually have a good time"
"Nah I mean tonoit. if you com out wiv os, you will av a goot one..."is how he spoke
so sexy.
we spoke for another hour or so. He is so cute up close. Was i that drunk that day? He gave me butterflies and everything. For some strange reason, as we spoke, that song for Black eyed peas;meet me half way kept playing in my head. i dont know why. he makes me feel of that song hihi.
HOmetime. I tell him ive got to go. Coincedentally, so does he. we walk out. Meet a couple of friends on the way out say hi etc etc. he ofers to walk me to where im meeting a couple of my friends who im going home with.
Hearts racing.
Hugging goodbye.
He leans in for a Kisssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kiss back.
He kisses me again...!!!
i kiss back
I dont remember what he says after.Maybe i dint hear... but I say, "Ask for my number next time we meet."
He says okay
He goes.
I LOL with my pal.
I walk off like ten yards. Turn back and his standing where we kissed with his/boys. I wave. he waves back.
Saturday..
We bump into each other at a club on the rave. he looks so dashing. Black rose tells me she noticed some hot guy in the club and realised it was him. Ma butterflies nini nini. he buys me a drink. we chat, dance... kiss kisss kissss... Bigman calls him. Thyre leaving. Aks for my number. i give it to him. He is soooo hot!
Sends a text at like 5am saying it was nice seeing me. i was so sleepy and tipsy i couldnt reply.
Next day, Sunday he sends a text
"Hey gorgeous... Av a good time Yesternyt? I did"
What the hell is YESTERNYT!!!! LOL. Hes such a brit. anyway, he asks me to go online. He is with Male-Super Sanguine. We chat for ages...
Lets see how this one will play out.
*baby called me yesterday. Told me that he was told i was on the rave. Sent a text after saying that he is still in love with me. Okay.
CIAO .
Mwah Mwah Mwah
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
SCREEETCH!
haha.
Sigh... I've been looking foward to posting this.
I think it was two weeks ago... My first thursday rave. Mini dress, heels, sexy hair warrra warrra. Got free drinks all night. So i discovered more skin was the solution to a broke night out. Ha... men.
I went out with Super Sanguine and Bootyfull. It was great! It all began at our local pub here where, what shall I call him Nostalgia, thew for me afew drinks. Got tipsay...yay, but then I was noticing that he was paying a little more attention to me than he usually does ( I dated him eons ago-never really been any chemistry ever since)... Then when I'm leaving the pub with Super sanguine and bootyfull to go change for the *rumba that night, he's all up in my biz asking where i'm going and why because he'd already ordered a drink for me. Anyway, i still left.
The *rumba... Drink drink drink...dance dance dance. Nostalgia had halad asking where I was (???????) so i told him. He comes. OOOOkay so at the end of the night he comes to my place (haha..woooo) let me tell you how it went down. at the club i kept on telling him "Get into your cab and go to (his place of residence)!" He was like no no no, *eti I cant leave him hanging like that and so on. Evetually he gets into a cab to go to HIS HOME... but just as he did that, PSYCHO ANNA NICOLE SMITH (P.A.N.S) Starts *letaing for me DRRRRRRAAAAAAMMMMMMA just there outside the club. these drunken vibes! ahhh!!! and she was with LezGurl which was just so weird and awkward for me since Lez was still calling me-hung up on me warrra warrra... So Nostalgia jumps out of his cab trying to be super man and before i know it he's getting into a cab with me in a 'rescue mission' style straight to my place. THAT IS HOW THE *CHIBO CAME TO BE.
I expected more from the shag-due to certain elements being at that current time... a miss.
So forget Nostalgia.
REmember Blast from the past? BFP? the guy who's been halaing at me... guy i knew from Primary school and hadn't seen in 8years...
So yesterday, i invited him over for lunch to my place. I cooked-mashed potatoes, stir fry and tomato gravy... :-) :-)
I met him outside my place. My heart was beating so fast i wanted to throw up. The last time I was on a date-date was with Baby and that was three years ago... He IS HOT!!! YUMM YUMM.
When we got to my house I went to the kitchen to pour him a drink and i remember just throwing my hands up in victory of this catch. I was like "Thankyou Jesus!"
BUT THEN
One hour into the date, i was sooooooooo DIASAPPOINTED.
He was a nervous wreck. Couldnt look me in the eye, kept on trying to fill in all the quiet spaces of silence... he just wasnt as laid back and calm as I wanted /expected him to be. I'de picked this up from him when i'd talk to him over the phone but when I told Sassy about it, she told me to go on a first date before I'd swear him off cuz maybe he'de b better in person.
BFP is the perfect MAN. PERFECT. which is why i so mad. He's kind, sweet, big heart, bigger cock (i saw it through his aeronautical engineering official pants when he sat back)... He's foused in school, he;s looking for a long term relationship, he came to the kitchen twice and kissed me on my cheek twice while i was finishing up the cooking, he said i was beautiful atleast three times... but... he's what Sassy labeled as a 'Virgin plus one'.
Because of his not having played the field enough, the date at some point felt like a 16year old first awkward date. and that just killed all the chemistry that had been brewing between us.
He's perfect but lacks a little element,my chemical X that drives my nutz with all men aka, SWAG.
SOme girls dont need this ( in a relationship) but i honestly cannot be attrated to someone if they dont have it. I honestly from the bottom of my heart cannot. Otherwise we will be (just) friends.
After the date i went straight to talk to Bootyfull about it. oooh she laughed at me. I smoked two cigarettes in a row. Mayn DATING SUX.
He asked me how i felt about the date. I took an hour to decide that i would be honest wit him. I told him that i didnt feel the spark that i wanted to feel when i met him... He must have known where he was screwing up cuz he started apologizing for his random blubbering and all and asked if i would give him another date. I said, anything for you,yes. I didnt mean it.
There are just some things that are part of ones personality that one cannot get rid of, neither obtain a new.
Should I sit through the second date or cancel before things get more complicated?
please just hepl me!! :-/
Mayn, i really hoped that me and him would work..
Sulk.
Sigh... I've been looking foward to posting this.
I think it was two weeks ago... My first thursday rave. Mini dress, heels, sexy hair warrra warrra. Got free drinks all night. So i discovered more skin was the solution to a broke night out. Ha... men.
I went out with Super Sanguine and Bootyfull. It was great! It all began at our local pub here where, what shall I call him Nostalgia, thew for me afew drinks. Got tipsay...yay, but then I was noticing that he was paying a little more attention to me than he usually does ( I dated him eons ago-never really been any chemistry ever since)... Then when I'm leaving the pub with Super sanguine and bootyfull to go change for the *rumba that night, he's all up in my biz asking where i'm going and why because he'd already ordered a drink for me. Anyway, i still left.
The *rumba... Drink drink drink...dance dance dance. Nostalgia had halad asking where I was (???????) so i told him. He comes. OOOOkay so at the end of the night he comes to my place (haha..woooo) let me tell you how it went down. at the club i kept on telling him "Get into your cab and go to (his place of residence)!" He was like no no no, *eti I cant leave him hanging like that and so on. Evetually he gets into a cab to go to HIS HOME... but just as he did that, PSYCHO ANNA NICOLE SMITH (P.A.N.S) Starts *letaing for me DRRRRRRAAAAAAMMMMMMA just there outside the club. these drunken vibes! ahhh!!! and she was with LezGurl which was just so weird and awkward for me since Lez was still calling me-hung up on me warrra warrra... So Nostalgia jumps out of his cab trying to be super man and before i know it he's getting into a cab with me in a 'rescue mission' style straight to my place. THAT IS HOW THE *CHIBO CAME TO BE.
I expected more from the shag-due to certain elements being at that current time... a miss.
So forget Nostalgia.
REmember Blast from the past? BFP? the guy who's been halaing at me... guy i knew from Primary school and hadn't seen in 8years...
So yesterday, i invited him over for lunch to my place. I cooked-mashed potatoes, stir fry and tomato gravy... :-) :-)
I met him outside my place. My heart was beating so fast i wanted to throw up. The last time I was on a date-date was with Baby and that was three years ago... He IS HOT!!! YUMM YUMM.
When we got to my house I went to the kitchen to pour him a drink and i remember just throwing my hands up in victory of this catch. I was like "Thankyou Jesus!"
BUT THEN
One hour into the date, i was sooooooooo DIASAPPOINTED.
He was a nervous wreck. Couldnt look me in the eye, kept on trying to fill in all the quiet spaces of silence... he just wasnt as laid back and calm as I wanted /expected him to be. I'de picked this up from him when i'd talk to him over the phone but when I told Sassy about it, she told me to go on a first date before I'd swear him off cuz maybe he'de b better in person.
BFP is the perfect MAN. PERFECT. which is why i so mad. He's kind, sweet, big heart, bigger cock (i saw it through his aeronautical engineering official pants when he sat back)... He's foused in school, he;s looking for a long term relationship, he came to the kitchen twice and kissed me on my cheek twice while i was finishing up the cooking, he said i was beautiful atleast three times... but... he's what Sassy labeled as a 'Virgin plus one'.
Because of his not having played the field enough, the date at some point felt like a 16year old first awkward date. and that just killed all the chemistry that had been brewing between us.
He's perfect but lacks a little element,my chemical X that drives my nutz with all men aka, SWAG.
SOme girls dont need this ( in a relationship) but i honestly cannot be attrated to someone if they dont have it. I honestly from the bottom of my heart cannot. Otherwise we will be (just) friends.
After the date i went straight to talk to Bootyfull about it. oooh she laughed at me. I smoked two cigarettes in a row. Mayn DATING SUX.
He asked me how i felt about the date. I took an hour to decide that i would be honest wit him. I told him that i didnt feel the spark that i wanted to feel when i met him... He must have known where he was screwing up cuz he started apologizing for his random blubbering and all and asked if i would give him another date. I said, anything for you,yes. I didnt mean it.
There are just some things that are part of ones personality that one cannot get rid of, neither obtain a new.
Should I sit through the second date or cancel before things get more complicated?
please just hepl me!! :-/
Mayn, i really hoped that me and him would work..
Sulk.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Emotion
....
Today makes it a month since Baby and I broke up. And I am on my period. The one of many many many months that i was sure I was going to get my period, u know...cuz im not getting any now
It's Sunday so let me begin from Thursday.
I got reeeally drunk. Had a good time at the pub. Met this guy had been eyeying for about two weeks... No chemistry. He was telling me about the British Army. And then he asked why I didnt sit for long (to talk to him) ...I was all over the place me and my drunkedness. And what was his name? I think Richard or Remmy or Ricky.., I told him my name was Tipsy.
So after being abandoned to ride on a piki piki in my drunken state, mscheeeeew, I fika my place... Bump into crazy M as i was trying to climb the stairs. We laugh at how drnk I am hahaha, she takes me home... i fall!! like lterally fall as i am entering the house... ouch my thigh. we laaaugh. she chills bit.. then she goes. and then silence.
I am so drunk and so lonely. I start to wish that i could google single man for hire... FOR A RELAIONSHIP SILLY!
I dose off on the sofa
BEYONCE'S SWEET DREAMS IS LOUD IN MY BRAIN!
oh crap my phone! i cant even see my bag! where the fuck is my phone ringing from!!!!!!! I stand in the middle of my living room and listen. the phone is ringing from outside. ???? okay. so i open the door. my bag is outside.
I get the phone, but then it falls... anyway when i finally grasp it i dont even check the caller ID...
"Sorry!!! sorry the phone fell...!!!" I blurt
"oh its okay!" he responds
oh fuck.
I CHECK THE CALLER ID! "ex.factor" aka BABY.
"Hi!!" i shout into the speaker i dont know why
HIM: "Sema. I was just checking up on you..."
ME: "Im good(or something i think i said)"
HIM: Are you drunk?
ME: "hahaha abit"
HIM: "you cant even hala to tell me success on my exams?"
So we talk... and taaaalk. By this time ive switched to ORANGE (cheapest calling network in Kenya- YEEEEESSSS) and we talk for over an hour.
I know I am ment to be moving on and whatever but he came through you know. I really needed someone around and he called so, shoot me. I dont regret.
I find myself agreeing to him coming the next day...
"But Baby you said that you have a paper tomorrw at 1pm..." I ask/state
"I can come early..."
"how early?"
"How eary do you want me to come?"
....
7.45am- Friday
The three-knock. (ref to former blogs)
Im GROGGGGGGYYYY.
When i open the door after ten years his shoes are aleady off and hes back if facing me as he is leaning off the balcony. MY HEART POUNDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ANYWAY.
He comes straight to bed, and no we werent going to have sex but he said he 'just wanted to come and hold me' and i wanted to be held :-). And then, thats WHEN the holding turned to kissing and the kissing to emotion and the emotion to nudity and the nudity to sweet penetration and mygod was I wet. I swear, it had never felt so good. i swear.
wololo!
Anyway, he got out because we werent condomizing (lol wat a word) and i think that gave us time to think. The condoms were right there...I wanted him so bad but we didnt go on.
HE went for his paper and then went to library to prepare for his next one. Then I joined him at the lib but to meet with a friend of mine who we were ment study for MY paper with. He came to say hi. He kissed me on the forehead. He went back to his table upstairs. He texted me telling me I smelled good. Before his paper he came to say bye. Sweet things.
At night, he tried to kiss me. we were in public. I moved away jokingly sayin that I cant let people see us together. And that opened a can of worms!!!!
So as expected the next day he came to school fr his last papers and I could tell he was edgy. He later confronted me about how what i did hurt him. He also said that he saw it comong becasue all day the day before he saw it that I really have left him. And that I was detaching. And that when we had our last fight and i broke up with him he thought that it was just a fight and that we would end up together again as we always did and when he came over the day before he thought that that would be it...but I was 'detached'.
And... get this...that I am embarassed of him eti becasue i didnt want to be seen with him! Eti I want a better guy thats why i was ashamed BLOOOOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its cuz if people saw us together theyde think im tha stupid girl going back to a miserable relationship. I HATE HATE HATE LOOKING WEAK.
He was so firm on his stand then i became angry and he became rude and i became bitchy an we fought urgh. stupid boy. we concluded and i left 4 home almost crying. then he followed me... i mean if youre bored by now reading this stop cuz the same shit recurrs aaaalll night.
Finally he leaves. I make it clear that he wasnt a booty call but i dont want us to get back together.
Moving foward..
Theres a guy sort of in my life. His name is Blast From The Past (BFP). Knew him in Primary school. Had a crush on him but he was in 6yellow and I wa in 6green so i hardly saw him.And then me and Gitush started dating...
I dont want to Jinx it so letme leave it at that.
PS: AlienBubble, Curly fries and gaypeace, thank you for youre sweeet emails and all. My nights arnt so lonely cuza yall. much love
Today makes it a month since Baby and I broke up. And I am on my period. The one of many many many months that i was sure I was going to get my period, u know...cuz im not getting any now
It's Sunday so let me begin from Thursday.
I got reeeally drunk. Had a good time at the pub. Met this guy had been eyeying for about two weeks... No chemistry. He was telling me about the British Army. And then he asked why I didnt sit for long (to talk to him) ...I was all over the place me and my drunkedness. And what was his name? I think Richard or Remmy or Ricky.., I told him my name was Tipsy.
So after being abandoned to ride on a piki piki in my drunken state, mscheeeeew, I fika my place... Bump into crazy M as i was trying to climb the stairs. We laugh at how drnk I am hahaha, she takes me home... i fall!! like lterally fall as i am entering the house... ouch my thigh. we laaaugh. she chills bit.. then she goes. and then silence.
I am so drunk and so lonely. I start to wish that i could google single man for hire... FOR A RELAIONSHIP SILLY!
I dose off on the sofa
BEYONCE'S SWEET DREAMS IS LOUD IN MY BRAIN!
oh crap my phone! i cant even see my bag! where the fuck is my phone ringing from!!!!!!! I stand in the middle of my living room and listen. the phone is ringing from outside. ???? okay. so i open the door. my bag is outside.
I get the phone, but then it falls... anyway when i finally grasp it i dont even check the caller ID...
"Sorry!!! sorry the phone fell...!!!" I blurt
"oh its okay!" he responds
oh fuck.
I CHECK THE CALLER ID! "ex.factor" aka BABY.
"Hi!!" i shout into the speaker i dont know why
HIM: "Sema. I was just checking up on you..."
ME: "Im good(or something i think i said)"
HIM: Are you drunk?
ME: "hahaha abit"
HIM: "you cant even hala to tell me success on my exams?"
So we talk... and taaaalk. By this time ive switched to ORANGE (cheapest calling network in Kenya- YEEEEESSSS) and we talk for over an hour.
I know I am ment to be moving on and whatever but he came through you know. I really needed someone around and he called so, shoot me. I dont regret.
I find myself agreeing to him coming the next day...
"But Baby you said that you have a paper tomorrw at 1pm..." I ask/state
"I can come early..."
"how early?"
"How eary do you want me to come?"
....
7.45am- Friday
The three-knock. (ref to former blogs)
Im GROGGGGGGYYYY.
When i open the door after ten years his shoes are aleady off and hes back if facing me as he is leaning off the balcony. MY HEART POUNDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ANYWAY.
He comes straight to bed, and no we werent going to have sex but he said he 'just wanted to come and hold me' and i wanted to be held :-). And then, thats WHEN the holding turned to kissing and the kissing to emotion and the emotion to nudity and the nudity to sweet penetration and mygod was I wet. I swear, it had never felt so good. i swear.
wololo!
Anyway, he got out because we werent condomizing (lol wat a word) and i think that gave us time to think. The condoms were right there...I wanted him so bad but we didnt go on.
HE went for his paper and then went to library to prepare for his next one. Then I joined him at the lib but to meet with a friend of mine who we were ment study for MY paper with. He came to say hi. He kissed me on the forehead. He went back to his table upstairs. He texted me telling me I smelled good. Before his paper he came to say bye. Sweet things.
At night, he tried to kiss me. we were in public. I moved away jokingly sayin that I cant let people see us together. And that opened a can of worms!!!!
So as expected the next day he came to school fr his last papers and I could tell he was edgy. He later confronted me about how what i did hurt him. He also said that he saw it comong becasue all day the day before he saw it that I really have left him. And that I was detaching. And that when we had our last fight and i broke up with him he thought that it was just a fight and that we would end up together again as we always did and when he came over the day before he thought that that would be it...but I was 'detached'.
And... get this...that I am embarassed of him eti becasue i didnt want to be seen with him! Eti I want a better guy thats why i was ashamed BLOOOOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its cuz if people saw us together theyde think im tha stupid girl going back to a miserable relationship. I HATE HATE HATE LOOKING WEAK.
He was so firm on his stand then i became angry and he became rude and i became bitchy an we fought urgh. stupid boy. we concluded and i left 4 home almost crying. then he followed me... i mean if youre bored by now reading this stop cuz the same shit recurrs aaaalll night.
Finally he leaves. I make it clear that he wasnt a booty call but i dont want us to get back together.
Moving foward..
Theres a guy sort of in my life. His name is Blast From The Past (BFP). Knew him in Primary school. Had a crush on him but he was in 6yellow and I wa in 6green so i hardly saw him.And then me and Gitush started dating...
I dont want to Jinx it so letme leave it at that.
PS: AlienBubble, Curly fries and gaypeace, thank you for youre sweeet emails and all. My nights arnt so lonely cuza yall. much love
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Makings
FINALLY im seated infront of my laptop blogging... long time. It's so hot outside krist! I wish I could have sex rite now...with ice cube props.
Oh man, oh man, alot has happened in the past since-the-last-time I published something.I went to coast, hot bar tender bought my cousins and I drinks everytime we drank at their (cousins) hotel...I lusted over him yummm,got back, started my schoolsemester and so on >>
Last weekend, I FINALLY HAD THE STOMACH TO END THINGS WITH BABY!. Omigod we was Furious!!!! maaaaddddddd!! He sent some really awfull texts; like I dont even know how hw went off talking to me like that...! Anyway, after he talked shiiiiit I sent him a text saying 'lenga sending such txts to me.' ANd then I didnt talk to him again.
Lately, theres been a weird oddness in my so-cool-super-girl-crew. LIke have you ever walked into a room and known that the poeple there were talking about you even if it was two hours after? yeah, that weirdness. Like a couple of days ago,X made this snicker when I said something. Ew.. Blair woldorf is a fictional character you know...Its a mockery to try and be her. and then there was this time I walked up to Y and Z... that awkward glare/air of 'we bitched about you'... Fake hi how r uz... Y is really good at hiding it but Z isnt, so i could feel it. W has been checking up on me all week cuz of the break up n all so when i mentioned it to her she said "youre noticing now!" and then W metioned it to B, B called me and told me to get used to it. Whoa, okay!! lol. It doesnt bother me too much, jst a little. Probably because I have alot going on right now and my neighbour,CrazyM has so much syke for the world shes always over here giving me her latest vibe. Plus, W and B and em Puppy...are cool with me and thats a relief.
So on Friday as usuall B called me. She shouts over the phone its hillarious. I wasnt really down for a plan so i just told her not to come for me. I dont have class on friday and my cousin Mirror spent the night and >>> anyway, mirror had class so I had to go to skul and give her the jewellery she left at my house. we had had a crazy thursday. My ex and his friends and I and Mirror drank like maaddd and then they all came to my house and we drank some more and danced then the alcohol ran out, then thw boys went to get some more and then we drank some more. yeeshhh i was so hangover friday. On my way to school I kept thinking i was going to bump into Baby. I could feel it in my soul that he was just around the corner. I wanted to bump into him i think. So that he could see me and then Ide walk off with an attitude.
Well it didnt happen.
Friday night- 2am
I hear men's voices outside my bedroom window. Im convinced it thugz. shit. Then theres a knock on my front door (azif i have a back door)... That three-times knock (reffer to former blogs). okay, so its Baby. SO i shout "(his name)???"
"Yeah its me."
( what the fuck!! has he come to see me? so he's missing me! why has he come with our watchie?)
I open the door. My eyes cant even adjust to the light (lightbulb).
"What are you doing here?" I ask,as if im not somewhat glad to see him. he looked really cleaned up. shaven. all black...crisp shirt.. cologne..
"Beau,Ive come with him (watchie) incase you beat me up... and incase you let me in the watchie can go tell the cab guy to go."
I dont know why I got angry at him all over suddden.( kwani he thinks he can just come here anytime he wants). MAybe its becasue he didnt come on a horse, and a shining armour.
"(his name) uve come for a booty call...!" i demand
he kept quiet... then came closer to me...slowly... as if he thought Ide slam the door. and then he said "purple due, my mom isnt getting any better. her results are back... I dont want us to shag. can we please talk?" his voice was shaking!! my heart melted. INSTANT. I didnt show it. but i let him in.
We talked for about an hour. Mostly about how things at his house are terrible. Its so so so sad. his hoome is an emotional hell. I'de never seen any man that destroyed. not even on TV. Oh man. I could cry just remembering. We slept together. cuddled. I was half skeptical half liking it.
He was kissing my face...over and over...I slept.
Next morning I made breakfast. we were chatting alot! it was so nice. he was telling me how the day before when he was in school he was hoping he would bump into me. eti he weent to all the pubs around school hoping to see me :-) hahaha. I didnt dare tell him that the same thing happened to me.
Anyway, when I was making the bed, he was gettn ready to go to school and the moment we were silent I asked him if we could have a sit down... Then he said " Please, not today. Can we just enjoy this?"
Emotional BlackMail!!
"okay" I responded understandingly.
SO THATS WHERE WE ARE NOW... ENJOYING THIS FOR NOW... IM SO CONFUSED!!! I was ready to move on. I mean i still love him to death but, i was ready to just be alone. I feel like Kourtney (kardashian)... That episode when Scott appeared in Miami.
:-) :-) :-) but i dont mind. Lets just see how this plays out.
Haiya. hes just called lol
Ciao!!!
Oh man, oh man, alot has happened in the past since-the-last-time I published something.I went to coast, hot bar tender bought my cousins and I drinks everytime we drank at their (cousins) hotel...I lusted over him yummm,got back, started my schoolsemester and so on >>
Last weekend, I FINALLY HAD THE STOMACH TO END THINGS WITH BABY!. Omigod we was Furious!!!! maaaaddddddd!! He sent some really awfull texts; like I dont even know how hw went off talking to me like that...! Anyway, after he talked shiiiiit I sent him a text saying 'lenga sending such txts to me.' ANd then I didnt talk to him again.
Lately, theres been a weird oddness in my so-cool-super-girl-crew. LIke have you ever walked into a room and known that the poeple there were talking about you even if it was two hours after? yeah, that weirdness. Like a couple of days ago,X made this snicker when I said something. Ew.. Blair woldorf is a fictional character you know...Its a mockery to try and be her. and then there was this time I walked up to Y and Z... that awkward glare/air of 'we bitched about you'... Fake hi how r uz... Y is really good at hiding it but Z isnt, so i could feel it. W has been checking up on me all week cuz of the break up n all so when i mentioned it to her she said "youre noticing now!" and then W metioned it to B, B called me and told me to get used to it. Whoa, okay!! lol. It doesnt bother me too much, jst a little. Probably because I have alot going on right now and my neighbour,CrazyM has so much syke for the world shes always over here giving me her latest vibe. Plus, W and B and em Puppy...are cool with me and thats a relief.
So on Friday as usuall B called me. She shouts over the phone its hillarious. I wasnt really down for a plan so i just told her not to come for me. I dont have class on friday and my cousin Mirror spent the night and >>> anyway, mirror had class so I had to go to skul and give her the jewellery she left at my house. we had had a crazy thursday. My ex and his friends and I and Mirror drank like maaddd and then they all came to my house and we drank some more and danced then the alcohol ran out, then thw boys went to get some more and then we drank some more. yeeshhh i was so hangover friday. On my way to school I kept thinking i was going to bump into Baby. I could feel it in my soul that he was just around the corner. I wanted to bump into him i think. So that he could see me and then Ide walk off with an attitude.
Well it didnt happen.
Friday night- 2am
I hear men's voices outside my bedroom window. Im convinced it thugz. shit. Then theres a knock on my front door (azif i have a back door)... That three-times knock (reffer to former blogs). okay, so its Baby. SO i shout "(his name)???"
"Yeah its me."
( what the fuck!! has he come to see me? so he's missing me! why has he come with our watchie?)
I open the door. My eyes cant even adjust to the light (lightbulb).
"What are you doing here?" I ask,as if im not somewhat glad to see him. he looked really cleaned up. shaven. all black...crisp shirt.. cologne..
"Beau,Ive come with him (watchie) incase you beat me up... and incase you let me in the watchie can go tell the cab guy to go."
I dont know why I got angry at him all over suddden.( kwani he thinks he can just come here anytime he wants). MAybe its becasue he didnt come on a horse, and a shining armour.
"(his name) uve come for a booty call...!" i demand
he kept quiet... then came closer to me...slowly... as if he thought Ide slam the door. and then he said "purple due, my mom isnt getting any better. her results are back... I dont want us to shag. can we please talk?" his voice was shaking!! my heart melted. INSTANT. I didnt show it. but i let him in.
We talked for about an hour. Mostly about how things at his house are terrible. Its so so so sad. his hoome is an emotional hell. I'de never seen any man that destroyed. not even on TV. Oh man. I could cry just remembering. We slept together. cuddled. I was half skeptical half liking it.
He was kissing my face...over and over...I slept.
Next morning I made breakfast. we were chatting alot! it was so nice. he was telling me how the day before when he was in school he was hoping he would bump into me. eti he weent to all the pubs around school hoping to see me :-) hahaha. I didnt dare tell him that the same thing happened to me.
Anyway, when I was making the bed, he was gettn ready to go to school and the moment we were silent I asked him if we could have a sit down... Then he said " Please, not today. Can we just enjoy this?"
Emotional BlackMail!!
"okay" I responded understandingly.
SO THATS WHERE WE ARE NOW... ENJOYING THIS FOR NOW... IM SO CONFUSED!!! I was ready to move on. I mean i still love him to death but, i was ready to just be alone. I feel like Kourtney (kardashian)... That episode when Scott appeared in Miami.
:-) :-) :-) but i dont mind. Lets just see how this plays out.
Haiya. hes just called lol
Ciao!!!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Always and Forever baby
My Grandparents are having their 60 year anniversary wedding this Saturday. Yes, Sixty… Diamond Anniversarry.
I remember ten years ago when I was just shy of my first period when they celebrated their 50 year Golden Jubilee Wedding and I thought then ‘I have to remember this day because they’ll never make it to 60’ (I thought they would have died of old age; together, holding hands on a bed waiting for angels to take them to heaven…That was me, ten years ago).
I wasn’t scared of butterflies
I wasn’t scared to kiss
Scared to blush, scared of bliss
I wasn’t scared to start
I wasn’t scared to wish
And believe that it would happen to me
Or that he, would happen to me
I wasn’t scared of sex; the outcomes of sex
I wasn’t scared of touch, sweet carress
I was; not, scared of love
I loved Love…
Poteito; Potato
Today, Baby came over to my new crib. We were both scared shitless because we didn’t know what time my mom and dad would come home. MY dad had told me once in a drunken stupor that he would shoot Baby if he didn’t leave me alone; because of the little accident
That’s over now. Daddy dearest doesn’t even remember saying that. But he knows I’m still with Baby
The two have never met.
He smelled so good today and we were so happy. Every time we heard a car pull in we’d rush to the window to check!! A couple of times I punked him. He almost peed his pants. You know, it felt so good today…It took me back to 3 years ago when we met and he used to come over to our older house. See my family wasn’t in Kenya this whole time and they just recently resettled… having Baby here and sneaking around the way we did was Dejavous the end!!! It also reminded me of how I felt when I was falling in love with him. Yall can’t even understand how I was feeling… Everything felt fresh and young and clean and innocent; sorta like cold lettuce the morning. Random association.
Or Maxwell playing at the peak of an orgasm.
Anyways we were making out like crazy and oh my god I hadn’t been that horny in FOREVER!!!! FOREVER!! I dash to my room and then get back to the livingroom and tell him “okay my room faces the main gate so if we do doggy, we can be on the look out… You have a condom?”
“yeah I carried two...”
So we go. I was in my position, like an obedient slave as I waited for him to slip on the condom. Why was he taking so long!
“Sweety just turn, I’ll look …(stay on the watch out).” He ordered
“azin on my back?”
“it’s a quickie boo, (mwah). Get.” he grunted
HAHAHAHA. Eti “Get”.. I started laughing as he slid in
“Aki boo tutashikwa..!”
Jesus.
Sex is love. Pick your argument, but it is.
“Always and Forever Purpledew?”he was waiting for a response
hug…hug
“mmmm….”
Then after that we went and bought two cigarettes and smoked them on the balcony. I ashed them on the same spot where my dad does his to avoid a trail
I had sex and smoked in my father’s house. In my world this is living life on the edge…
XoXo
I remember ten years ago when I was just shy of my first period when they celebrated their 50 year Golden Jubilee Wedding and I thought then ‘I have to remember this day because they’ll never make it to 60’ (I thought they would have died of old age; together, holding hands on a bed waiting for angels to take them to heaven…That was me, ten years ago).
I wasn’t scared of butterflies
I wasn’t scared to kiss
Scared to blush, scared of bliss
I wasn’t scared to start
I wasn’t scared to wish
And believe that it would happen to me
Or that he, would happen to me
I wasn’t scared of sex; the outcomes of sex
I wasn’t scared of touch, sweet carress
I was; not, scared of love
I loved Love…
Poteito; Potato
Today, Baby came over to my new crib. We were both scared shitless because we didn’t know what time my mom and dad would come home. MY dad had told me once in a drunken stupor that he would shoot Baby if he didn’t leave me alone; because of the little accident
That’s over now. Daddy dearest doesn’t even remember saying that. But he knows I’m still with Baby
The two have never met.
He smelled so good today and we were so happy. Every time we heard a car pull in we’d rush to the window to check!! A couple of times I punked him. He almost peed his pants. You know, it felt so good today…It took me back to 3 years ago when we met and he used to come over to our older house. See my family wasn’t in Kenya this whole time and they just recently resettled… having Baby here and sneaking around the way we did was Dejavous the end!!! It also reminded me of how I felt when I was falling in love with him. Yall can’t even understand how I was feeling… Everything felt fresh and young and clean and innocent; sorta like cold lettuce the morning. Random association.
Or Maxwell playing at the peak of an orgasm.
Anyways we were making out like crazy and oh my god I hadn’t been that horny in FOREVER!!!! FOREVER!! I dash to my room and then get back to the livingroom and tell him “okay my room faces the main gate so if we do doggy, we can be on the look out… You have a condom?”
“yeah I carried two...”
So we go. I was in my position, like an obedient slave as I waited for him to slip on the condom. Why was he taking so long!
“Sweety just turn, I’ll look …(stay on the watch out).” He ordered
“azin on my back?”
“it’s a quickie boo, (mwah). Get.” he grunted
HAHAHAHA. Eti “Get”.. I started laughing as he slid in
“Aki boo tutashikwa..!”
Jesus.
Sex is love. Pick your argument, but it is.
“Always and Forever Purpledew?”he was waiting for a response
hug…hug
“mmmm….”
Then after that we went and bought two cigarettes and smoked them on the balcony. I ashed them on the same spot where my dad does his to avoid a trail
I had sex and smoked in my father’s house. In my world this is living life on the edge…
XoXo
Thursday, August 13, 2009
I HATE-YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW AAHHHH!
im stuck in this. I try to get out and I never ever reach the finish line. This isnt supposed to be me!! this isnt suppossed to be my life.
I wake up in the morning and im suppossed to be happy to call you, but im edgy because who knows, it might turn into a fight.
I wait for you at our usuall spot, as has been for three years, but im not looking foward to seeing you. becoz who knows, it might turn into a fight.
I panic when I see '1 missed call'. I was doing a number two scuze me. Im scared of calling back because who knows, it might turn into a fight.
Baby's mom hasnt been doing too good. Shes been in hospital for the past three weeks. But i have to say, these have been the best three weeks of our relationship in a really long time. Hes not always having a drink, hes studying more, hes all over me. Last week, she seemed to be getting better. And i was relieved. but, He spent the weEkend in THE HOOD. I mean its not like i didnt see him or i was feeling neglected, infact he spent two nights here before that and i loved it-most of it.. But i just hate THE WAY he drinks...his 'so hood' crew and aaarrrgh ol the shit that comes with it. I need a man who is more focused than me ... alas.
Im almost graduating and im not just holding on to my dreams anymore, im getting out there and grabbing them. This college recklessness cant be a part of my 24hr life much longer so, call me an up tight librarian right now but, honey, im getting grown.
Last week I made dinner. Pan fried chicken, coconut rice.. candles, Baileys ... It was ssoooo kewl. while we were still eating I started to tease him with my toes ( we ate on the floor) ,and then LOL, LOL, i started licking on a drumstick :in and out of my mouth(BLUSH) aaaaannnyyyyway... >>foward, FYI, rug burns are not a myth. When he was tring to reach for the condom under my over sized pillows at the corner of the living room he knocked our glasses of baileys. One of the glasses broke :-( (they were a gift from my best friends for my last birthday). Theeen i realised one of the glasses still had managed to save a little bit of the liqeour so i sipped it and went down on on Baby with the drink in my mouth. best tasting blowjob...!
So today wast so good. We had a random fight before saying goodnight jana, (ova the phone) so when he came to the bar today (where I was with all my girls) it wasnt so lovey dovey as it usually is. but we ignored that and had a good time. before long we were back to our usuall PDA. Elec disappears at the bar. Hes MIA with his SO HOOD peoples sumwea outside. I call. He comes. Just for a second.. he goes back. people start throwing bottles in the dark at the bar. WHAT THE FUCK. Im scared our rival wanna-be-just-like-us freshman girl crew will throw a bottie our direction. me and blackrose (my girl)start to cover our faces under the table. hillarious.. Bootyfull(girl of mine) throws a bottie. how random . I laugh. a taa is brot. thankgod the games stop. I call baby, "please come get me, i wanna go"
"sawa u can go"
"azin i cant walk home inthis black out and my girls are leaving, could you please give me a ride?" (I shouldnt even be asking for a ride wat the ffuck, kweli hez not worried about me...Ngai. I almost cried!)
He comes. hes driving some car ( he doesnt own one) I get in. Hes acting mooody for me. we reach my place. i confront him. he says something about me not knowing when his hurting. that i never know and ive never known. to me hes talking shit cuz thats jus bull. i ask him to tell me what i do wrong because i put everything into this. I ask him if he wants to be with me beacuse my best is average for him. he says we will talk tomorrow. MY used to be dainty heart isnt even scathed by this... im so used to him doing this. making me feel this way. ..Yall dont even know the shit ive put up with.
I want out.
I wake up in the morning and im suppossed to be happy to call you, but im edgy because who knows, it might turn into a fight.
I wait for you at our usuall spot, as has been for three years, but im not looking foward to seeing you. becoz who knows, it might turn into a fight.
I panic when I see '1 missed call'. I was doing a number two scuze me. Im scared of calling back because who knows, it might turn into a fight.
Baby's mom hasnt been doing too good. Shes been in hospital for the past three weeks. But i have to say, these have been the best three weeks of our relationship in a really long time. Hes not always having a drink, hes studying more, hes all over me. Last week, she seemed to be getting better. And i was relieved. but, He spent the weEkend in THE HOOD. I mean its not like i didnt see him or i was feeling neglected, infact he spent two nights here before that and i loved it-most of it.. But i just hate THE WAY he drinks...his 'so hood' crew and aaarrrgh ol the shit that comes with it. I need a man who is more focused than me ... alas.
Im almost graduating and im not just holding on to my dreams anymore, im getting out there and grabbing them. This college recklessness cant be a part of my 24hr life much longer so, call me an up tight librarian right now but, honey, im getting grown.
Last week I made dinner. Pan fried chicken, coconut rice.. candles, Baileys ... It was ssoooo kewl. while we were still eating I started to tease him with my toes ( we ate on the floor) ,and then LOL, LOL, i started licking on a drumstick :in and out of my mouth(BLUSH) aaaaannnyyyyway... >>foward, FYI, rug burns are not a myth. When he was tring to reach for the condom under my over sized pillows at the corner of the living room he knocked our glasses of baileys. One of the glasses broke :-( (they were a gift from my best friends for my last birthday). Theeen i realised one of the glasses still had managed to save a little bit of the liqeour so i sipped it and went down on on Baby with the drink in my mouth. best tasting blowjob...!
So today wast so good. We had a random fight before saying goodnight jana, (ova the phone) so when he came to the bar today (where I was with all my girls) it wasnt so lovey dovey as it usually is. but we ignored that and had a good time. before long we were back to our usuall PDA. Elec disappears at the bar. Hes MIA with his SO HOOD peoples sumwea outside. I call. He comes. Just for a second.. he goes back. people start throwing bottles in the dark at the bar. WHAT THE FUCK. Im scared our rival wanna-be-just-like-us freshman girl crew will throw a bottie our direction. me and blackrose (my girl)start to cover our faces under the table. hillarious.. Bootyfull(girl of mine) throws a bottie. how random . I laugh. a taa is brot. thankgod the games stop. I call baby, "please come get me, i wanna go"
"sawa u can go"
"azin i cant walk home inthis black out and my girls are leaving, could you please give me a ride?" (I shouldnt even be asking for a ride wat the ffuck, kweli hez not worried about me...Ngai. I almost cried!)
He comes. hes driving some car ( he doesnt own one) I get in. Hes acting mooody for me. we reach my place. i confront him. he says something about me not knowing when his hurting. that i never know and ive never known. to me hes talking shit cuz thats jus bull. i ask him to tell me what i do wrong because i put everything into this. I ask him if he wants to be with me beacuse my best is average for him. he says we will talk tomorrow. MY used to be dainty heart isnt even scathed by this... im so used to him doing this. making me feel this way. ..Yall dont even know the shit ive put up with.
I want out.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
My squirtsexual awakening
I cant even wait to get to a computer to type this so excuse my typing errors n slight ommissions but i swear to keep in the details..
Baby and I are back..to the sex. Friday ...10.am, i wake up. Groggy and I need to pee like a horse. I stumble to the loo and release, catching a wink of sleep in the process. There's a knock on the door. IT CANT BE HIM. Baby dsnt knock like, an ordinary 3knock.he knocks twice-two times. I convince myself its those wajenziz in the next building nd continue my biz. AGAIN,the knock. Shit. Its him. Before i open the door i peek thru the curtain n see him. His back to the door and then "BOO!!"
"yaaah"
he turns around. I yank myself from the door. Shit
okay
so i open the door
we hug...for long
crap,i didnt brush my teeth last night. No dont kiss me. Oh god he's kissing me. Hes sitting down. Here comes my verbal diahorrea...
Im taaaaaaalkin and taaaalking
asking about his mum his brother his houseboy!
Okay so its not like we hadnt seen each othr. Hed actually taken me out for lunch on wednesday nd i loved it. Nothing goes together better than me and him. But u c its a family tradegy that brought us back together. Like a-date-together. Forget when he spent the night two weeks ago. That was just nostalgia. Anywho. The chemistry was so fucking ridiculous.hes tough exterior was minus..n im just a sucker for romance. Hes was sooo into me that wednesday.sofucking cute
sooo
i brush my teeth. Get back on the sofa. Look at his black shirt. So sleek like that. And that vein that pops on his neck when he lafs. Yeah that was me who made him laf
//foward//
i cum
in bed. Post sex. Im giving him storo scooting up close to his side of the bed cuz my side is well,inhabitable at the time .hes listening while smoking a cigarette.
I turn.
Im small spoon. Hes big spoon
his hand is on my thigh..now its on my..er diamond.
I place my fingers on his to direct his movement.
oooh fuck
no this way baby... yES THAT WAY
my thighs start to get tight so i know its coming
then i get this convulsion! Like im getting a fucking epileptic attack. Wat the fuk??i dont know! Then at the time of the convulsion,i get a blak out. My eyes r shut but its a big BLaNK.!!! azin i feel like ive one deaf or something an di cant see ..I cant explain that thing....!
Baby is still at it!!! im in total surrender
and then seconds later i convulge AGAIN,wtf... Exhale and nd the orgasm holds tight in my pussy n then sweet jesus i release .!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there it gooes gushing on the radio... .... .... .....
.... .... .... ... ...
...
....
did i just....???? was that a..?!!
"Boo its not fair uve cum twice..." Baby groans and flips me on my back.
Baby and I are back..to the sex. Friday ...10.am, i wake up. Groggy and I need to pee like a horse. I stumble to the loo and release, catching a wink of sleep in the process. There's a knock on the door. IT CANT BE HIM. Baby dsnt knock like, an ordinary 3knock.he knocks twice-two times. I convince myself its those wajenziz in the next building nd continue my biz. AGAIN,the knock. Shit. Its him. Before i open the door i peek thru the curtain n see him. His back to the door and then "BOO!!"
"yaaah"
he turns around. I yank myself from the door. Shit
okay
so i open the door
we hug...for long
crap,i didnt brush my teeth last night. No dont kiss me. Oh god he's kissing me. Hes sitting down. Here comes my verbal diahorrea...
Im taaaaaaalkin and taaaalking
asking about his mum his brother his houseboy!
Okay so its not like we hadnt seen each othr. Hed actually taken me out for lunch on wednesday nd i loved it. Nothing goes together better than me and him. But u c its a family tradegy that brought us back together. Like a-date-together. Forget when he spent the night two weeks ago. That was just nostalgia. Anywho. The chemistry was so fucking ridiculous.hes tough exterior was minus..n im just a sucker for romance. Hes was sooo into me that wednesday.sofucking cute
sooo
i brush my teeth. Get back on the sofa. Look at his black shirt. So sleek like that. And that vein that pops on his neck when he lafs. Yeah that was me who made him laf
//foward//
i cum
in bed. Post sex. Im giving him storo scooting up close to his side of the bed cuz my side is well,inhabitable at the time .hes listening while smoking a cigarette.
I turn.
Im small spoon. Hes big spoon
his hand is on my thigh..now its on my..er diamond.
I place my fingers on his to direct his movement.
oooh fuck
no this way baby... yES THAT WAY
my thighs start to get tight so i know its coming
then i get this convulsion! Like im getting a fucking epileptic attack. Wat the fuk??i dont know! Then at the time of the convulsion,i get a blak out. My eyes r shut but its a big BLaNK.!!! azin i feel like ive one deaf or something an di cant see ..I cant explain that thing....!
Baby is still at it!!! im in total surrender
and then seconds later i convulge AGAIN,wtf... Exhale and nd the orgasm holds tight in my pussy n then sweet jesus i release .!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there it gooes gushing on the radio... .... .... .....
.... .... .... ... ...
...
....
did i just....???? was that a..?!!
"Boo its not fair uve cum twice..." Baby groans and flips me on my back.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Detaching...
I have never been this sure about ending this...
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
((and now i have writer's block))
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
((and now i have writer's block))
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
Detaching...
I have never been this sure about ending this...
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
(and now i have writer's block)
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
(and now i have writer's block)
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
Detaching...
I have never been this sure about ending this...
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
(and now i have writer's block)
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
(and now i have writer's block)
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
Detaching...
I have never been this sure about ending this...
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
((and now i have writer's block))
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
((and now i have writer's block))
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
oh well
I get home, straight to my computer to start on a bunch of boring assignments. Here I am loving the new focused me that surfaced since yesterday when two texts buzz in one after the other on my cell. Baby and A.S
I laugh by myself.
Im anxious to open them both. okay, A.S
Shes arrived well at 'thhaaat country' ..hala whenever she says. I go back to the top of the message and read it again.
last weekend I raved cuz of her.it was her last weekend. She ditched me all night, her phone was 'in the car' (all night)so I couldnt reach her. Im forced to call her stupid friend because I mean, I have to see her before she leaves... Find out shes not coming tO the club that she said she will come to so silly me I go to the club shez at. BIG MISTAKE. I get there and ocourse stupider friend number 2 and stupid 1 get together and start to bitch about me being there. I hate stupider (male) the most. Stupid (Female) is just irrelevant to my life. the story of how we became such enemies is a whole other blog but we were once all really good friends.
god i hate Stupider. Anyway, A.S is going on and on about how sorry she is about her phone being in the car, smoking cigarrete after the next, sipping my water, turing her attention away for a second to respond to something happening 100feet away and then she gets back to me. She thrives on this fanship that she gets from all these people. it feeds her ego so much and i can see it, and there I was feeding that shit.
She says amidst 10million things that she 'thinks' that her and her People have to go. I get up and start looking for a cab guys number... I summon her away from her drooling fans and we start to talk. she asks me to get along with stupid and stupider, then stupider comes.. "err...sorry for cock blocking but AS we gatta go so er..." I laugh.
"Cock blocking!???" i retort
"theres no cock involved" A.S says and then turns around to tend to another fan, and then I laugh responsivley "yeah there's no cock involved...!" Stupider looks at me dead in the eye and says "You dont exist.. Er.. A.S can we leave?!"
"wait Stupider, what have I done to you that you can say something like that?" (my beef is with Stupid, not him... he is just really close to stupid so he has her back plus he hates that A.S and me have this whole BIcurious fling because he likes A.S... Azin, LIKES-LIKES)
"say what?" A.S finally catching up with whats going on
"That I dont exisit.. Why would you say that?"
"yeah why would you say that to her?" A.S
He sneers and walks off.
AS continues talking to whoever that was behind her...
Stupiders comment hurts me, rather than piss me off as would most things and I feel tears in my eyes. throw my cigarette and walk off.
A.S i think notices my absence and i can hones$tly see her from the corner of my eye, gesturing with her hands on her temples and over her chest (heart) how 'stressfull' this is all making her as random fan comforts her. as usuall, the drama now turns to her, her feelings and shit. I text my girl for a cab number cuz i see none. Its 6.30in the fucking a.m and im in stupid galileo's. A.S and her friends hurudle aroud their mortie about 50 yards to my right. Stupid's boyfriend ( hes cool) comes and asks if im okay (transport) and i say ive called a cab. he advices me to go round the other side as there are cabs there. I do that. Walk past AS and her stupid friends... She doenst follow after me, ask me how am getting home nothing... I leave. That was the first time in my LIFE that I left the rave alone. wacha even story for chiboz, just alone like that!!
3hours later I get an Im sorry text. WHat does she want? for me to 'understand'?! ure fucking kidding me. shez not sorry. this was her being her. It hits me why I stopped talking to her a couple of years back when we were neighbours. I have heart but im not going to turn to a lil bitch. I was walking well into that path that night.
Shes like the best friend I will never have. Love her to death,always have her back, but I just cant stand her shit.
<<<
Baby's text. I stare at his name on my phone and then I open it
"I miss you so much..."
The perfect messege that would lure me straight back into his arms
we are broken up since last night. I feel so alone without him but it is almost like a load off my shoulders. we both know that its over. But three years isnt something easy to let go of. Again I am confident enough to say that he loves me.
"So do I Baby." i reply
I finish my work, go to the microwave to warm my supper, then i see the roach thathas been living in my moicrowave.. ew.It doesnt like walk around there, it is stuck im between the glass thru which u can see into the microwave YYYUUUUCCCKK. I tried using a fork to create a crack on the door of the m.wave and then spraying RAID in there.. i thot it died i didnt use the damn thing for a week and i cleaned it like crazy after that, but then today i saw it walk in th glass. u see the door of a mircowave has a dual glass noow the roach is inbetween there. I am abit of a clean freak and im insectophobic, so im going psycho!! its so true that roaches can survive micro waves and nuclear waves and all. gross.. Gross gross gross gross
I laugh by myself.
Im anxious to open them both. okay, A.S
Shes arrived well at 'thhaaat country' ..hala whenever she says. I go back to the top of the message and read it again.
last weekend I raved cuz of her.it was her last weekend. She ditched me all night, her phone was 'in the car' (all night)so I couldnt reach her. Im forced to call her stupid friend because I mean, I have to see her before she leaves... Find out shes not coming tO the club that she said she will come to so silly me I go to the club shez at. BIG MISTAKE. I get there and ocourse stupider friend number 2 and stupid 1 get together and start to bitch about me being there. I hate stupider (male) the most. Stupid (Female) is just irrelevant to my life. the story of how we became such enemies is a whole other blog but we were once all really good friends.
god i hate Stupider. Anyway, A.S is going on and on about how sorry she is about her phone being in the car, smoking cigarrete after the next, sipping my water, turing her attention away for a second to respond to something happening 100feet away and then she gets back to me. She thrives on this fanship that she gets from all these people. it feeds her ego so much and i can see it, and there I was feeding that shit.
She says amidst 10million things that she 'thinks' that her and her People have to go. I get up and start looking for a cab guys number... I summon her away from her drooling fans and we start to talk. she asks me to get along with stupid and stupider, then stupider comes.. "err...sorry for cock blocking but AS we gatta go so er..." I laugh.
"Cock blocking!???" i retort
"theres no cock involved" A.S says and then turns around to tend to another fan, and then I laugh responsivley "yeah there's no cock involved...!" Stupider looks at me dead in the eye and says "You dont exist.. Er.. A.S can we leave?!"
"wait Stupider, what have I done to you that you can say something like that?" (my beef is with Stupid, not him... he is just really close to stupid so he has her back plus he hates that A.S and me have this whole BIcurious fling because he likes A.S... Azin, LIKES-LIKES)
"say what?" A.S finally catching up with whats going on
"That I dont exisit.. Why would you say that?"
"yeah why would you say that to her?" A.S
He sneers and walks off.
AS continues talking to whoever that was behind her...
Stupiders comment hurts me, rather than piss me off as would most things and I feel tears in my eyes. throw my cigarette and walk off.
A.S i think notices my absence and i can hones$tly see her from the corner of my eye, gesturing with her hands on her temples and over her chest (heart) how 'stressfull' this is all making her as random fan comforts her. as usuall, the drama now turns to her, her feelings and shit. I text my girl for a cab number cuz i see none. Its 6.30in the fucking a.m and im in stupid galileo's. A.S and her friends hurudle aroud their mortie about 50 yards to my right. Stupid's boyfriend ( hes cool) comes and asks if im okay (transport) and i say ive called a cab. he advices me to go round the other side as there are cabs there. I do that. Walk past AS and her stupid friends... She doenst follow after me, ask me how am getting home nothing... I leave. That was the first time in my LIFE that I left the rave alone. wacha even story for chiboz, just alone like that!!
3hours later I get an Im sorry text. WHat does she want? for me to 'understand'?! ure fucking kidding me. shez not sorry. this was her being her. It hits me why I stopped talking to her a couple of years back when we were neighbours. I have heart but im not going to turn to a lil bitch. I was walking well into that path that night.
Shes like the best friend I will never have. Love her to death,always have her back, but I just cant stand her shit.
<<<
Baby's text. I stare at his name on my phone and then I open it
"I miss you so much..."
The perfect messege that would lure me straight back into his arms
we are broken up since last night. I feel so alone without him but it is almost like a load off my shoulders. we both know that its over. But three years isnt something easy to let go of. Again I am confident enough to say that he loves me.
"So do I Baby." i reply
I finish my work, go to the microwave to warm my supper, then i see the roach thathas been living in my moicrowave.. ew.It doesnt like walk around there, it is stuck im between the glass thru which u can see into the microwave YYYUUUUCCCKK. I tried using a fork to create a crack on the door of the m.wave and then spraying RAID in there.. i thot it died i didnt use the damn thing for a week and i cleaned it like crazy after that, but then today i saw it walk in th glass. u see the door of a mircowave has a dual glass noow the roach is inbetween there. I am abit of a clean freak and im insectophobic, so im going psycho!! its so true that roaches can survive micro waves and nuclear waves and all. gross.. Gross gross gross gross
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Virgin Post
couldnt make it for my morning meeting so i just slumped back on my pillow after the alarm clock rang for the a milionth time... I hate that buzzer mayn. its so annoying. But then i couldnt get back to sleep cuz the water pump at my apartment building had just been turned on. .. and that dog from the massionette across our building...!!!! Noise pollution aarrrrgh. I missed my significant other. no kiss on the forehead in the morning today. ..or the feeling of his chest hair on my face.. or the 'where did that come from' hard-on he would get in the morning, after which he would hold my knickers to the side and- &$*%
<<<< STOP!!!!!>>>>
Im suppossed to be moving on, or alteast I'm telling myself that i should be. Me and him, we are complicated. Always have been from the start. Three years. But that was the beauty of IT ALL.Im confident ehough to say that he loves me. SOb. The details of our love affair are not relevant to my fellow bloggers, but what is is that we are almost-broken up. We are at that point where we have broken up over ten times and each time i think that this is really it. but theeeen, he calls or i email... never ending cycle I tell you. and now we are broken-up again. It is moments like this that make me so vulnerable and I want to hear his husky morning voice.
I go to the kitchen and gulp down a glass of water.
Throught the day, he keeps pooping into my head. Its been three days since we last spoke. And I miss him. But because i know going back to that would probably not work, (we've tried for so long), I manage to lie to myself that Im doing great without him.
I need a drink.
At the bar with my girls... I swore to myself that I wouldny touch a cigarette just for today, but my friend, lets call her El, passes my a smoke and cant say no. El asks me if ive spoken to A.S... takes ma a second to respond..Im enjoying the 1st puff.. "no." I respond. I wasnt upset or anything, but before I get a 100% thumbs up that shez gana show for any of our plans, my strategy is to expect the worst i.e she doent show u and this way i dont get too disapointed. its worked. And besides, this wouldnt be the 1st time shez stood me up. AYAM A SUCKER FOR LOVE! WHAAAAT(...is it with you and judging me already)..! I just wish she showed tho. i love her company. everything with her is brizzay and kewl ad no pressha even if i start to get gurl-crush on her.
We get tipsay!!! TallDarkSexy(TDS), Extrovert(X) and coastdude (CD) are so much fun to hang out with. Im so glad that El has made friends with these guys while she was on a trip with them to 'thaaat' country. With the rising level of alcohol and nicotine in my bloostream, so does my randiness. Oh no, that lesbian who was hitting on me last year (reffer to my first post) walks in. fuck. Recepie for disaster. She doesnt jazz me and talking aout her is ikky so lemmi just take you through this real quick. She buys us a bottie and me a separate drink (since the other day when A.S and me got drunk i cant stand the taste of spirits)..my galz get so jazzed cuz of the free alcohol and Vay(another one of my gals)starts insisting that i go sit with lesbian gurl so that the drinks keep coming (for them). I say hell no.
Les gurl catches me on my way out later on. Oh she says she is still into me- i shouldnt be so quiet-i look nice- my bf dst know what hez lost.. And then i start to feel 'woiye' for her. I hate, yes. but she is a very beautiful human being on the real. I just feel NOTHING for her..
I call A.S
As usual she sounds lethargic on the phone.
So then I'm forced to muffle my excitement (every time!!)
Shez not gana show up.
Whatever.
One last stop to a different pub for shots. I duck that vibe and come home.
First time i feel like breaking down because Babybeau (the ex) is not around.
What is he doing??
probably drinking. His usual pass time. (caused big fights).. His excuse being that Nairobi isnt like New York and that I shouldnt expect him to hve "tickets for the game friday night" cuz Nairobi doesnt have much to do.
I call A.S cuz my stupid blog wont open.
Lethargic..
"I get so lonely" Janet Jackson.
<<<< STOP!!!!!>>>>
Im suppossed to be moving on, or alteast I'm telling myself that i should be. Me and him, we are complicated. Always have been from the start. Three years. But that was the beauty of IT ALL.Im confident ehough to say that he loves me. SOb. The details of our love affair are not relevant to my fellow bloggers, but what is is that we are almost-broken up. We are at that point where we have broken up over ten times and each time i think that this is really it. but theeeen, he calls or i email... never ending cycle I tell you. and now we are broken-up again. It is moments like this that make me so vulnerable and I want to hear his husky morning voice.
I go to the kitchen and gulp down a glass of water.
Throught the day, he keeps pooping into my head. Its been three days since we last spoke. And I miss him. But because i know going back to that would probably not work, (we've tried for so long), I manage to lie to myself that Im doing great without him.
I need a drink.
At the bar with my girls... I swore to myself that I wouldny touch a cigarette just for today, but my friend, lets call her El, passes my a smoke and cant say no. El asks me if ive spoken to A.S... takes ma a second to respond..Im enjoying the 1st puff.. "no." I respond. I wasnt upset or anything, but before I get a 100% thumbs up that shez gana show for any of our plans, my strategy is to expect the worst i.e she doent show u and this way i dont get too disapointed. its worked. And besides, this wouldnt be the 1st time shez stood me up. AYAM A SUCKER FOR LOVE! WHAAAAT(...is it with you and judging me already)..! I just wish she showed tho. i love her company. everything with her is brizzay and kewl ad no pressha even if i start to get gurl-crush on her.
We get tipsay!!! TallDarkSexy(TDS), Extrovert(X) and coastdude (CD) are so much fun to hang out with. Im so glad that El has made friends with these guys while she was on a trip with them to 'thaaat' country. With the rising level of alcohol and nicotine in my bloostream, so does my randiness. Oh no, that lesbian who was hitting on me last year (reffer to my first post) walks in. fuck. Recepie for disaster. She doesnt jazz me and talking aout her is ikky so lemmi just take you through this real quick. She buys us a bottie and me a separate drink (since the other day when A.S and me got drunk i cant stand the taste of spirits)..my galz get so jazzed cuz of the free alcohol and Vay(another one of my gals)starts insisting that i go sit with lesbian gurl so that the drinks keep coming (for them). I say hell no.
Les gurl catches me on my way out later on. Oh she says she is still into me- i shouldnt be so quiet-i look nice- my bf dst know what hez lost.. And then i start to feel 'woiye' for her. I hate, yes. but she is a very beautiful human being on the real. I just feel NOTHING for her..
I call A.S
As usual she sounds lethargic on the phone.
So then I'm forced to muffle my excitement (every time!!)
Shez not gana show up.
Whatever.
One last stop to a different pub for shots. I duck that vibe and come home.
First time i feel like breaking down because Babybeau (the ex) is not around.
What is he doing??
probably drinking. His usual pass time. (caused big fights).. His excuse being that Nairobi isnt like New York and that I shouldnt expect him to hve "tickets for the game friday night" cuz Nairobi doesnt have much to do.
I call A.S cuz my stupid blog wont open.
Lethargic..
"I get so lonely" Janet Jackson.
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