Wednesday, October 5, 2011


Good things coming my way these last few months of 2011!!!

Despite this being the most challenging year of my life emotionally; with Garry and Andrew, and having been on a crash course for “long distance is a bitch/ assholes will always be assholes/5 new ways to get your heartbroken”, I think I will come out fine. I will have battle scars and painful memories but really, that’s the case when you survive a war. I am still far from leaving the war but I’m approaching its end, where the winner surely will be me, but even this is not a guarantee. Nonetheless, I will come out fine.

It is not a war I can evade but one that was placed on the path of my destiny.

I hope to make peace with Garry and I have been trying to reach him with no avail these past few days.

And with Andrew, weeeeeeeeeeelll I like the Kid. I wanna be with him.

Still!!! Good things coming my way these last few months of 2011- in other areas of my life!

And lastly, there has been a SECURITY BREECH with my blog. Some friend of mine who’s always known about my blog told her friend who’s a girl who used to sleep and fling with Daisy’s ex man (during their relationship with D. Go figure). the girl told Daisy's ex man,the ex man told D about it and she told me.

So should I continue blogging about my quest for happiness, health and wealth on here if everything I write will soon become public knowledge??? I dunno.

This could be the last time ya’ll hear from me.

It’s been real tho and I truly, truly love ya’ll. Appreciate the support!

Peace and Love
Purple :*

Monday, September 19, 2011


USA was great! Just got back a week ago and I miss being on vacay. New York, DC ,Philly, plus its environs, the earthquake and hurricane Irene all aweeesomE!I am glad to be home though. Really, there is no place like home.

Adventure chronicles will not be posted on here (sorry) but I will tell you, if you r planning to visit the big apple, a must eat is Little Italy in downtown New York. Great food, great ambience very Italian and outdoorsish, and hot lush men. Carry your GPS and make a list of must sees before you go there…if you can purchase a metro card for the subway online before hand, that too would be great.


A month before I left for USA, Garry and I had been in communication – which may I add he was good at, unlike in our relationship where he said he couldn’t keep up with because of our time difference and distance. If you can recall, he contacted me first as I was visiting my friend *Kendra and her newborn. He asked me to forgive him for his indiscretions with my ex bestfriend, Daisy, asked if I still loved him, if I was interested in building a friendship post the drama etc etc. I was wary but I agreed. I will admit that over time my feelings for him started to resurface. Then one day, he called me and asked that we skype. I told him I would get back to him in a few min. I was scared that I would fall in love for sure once I saw him…half an hour later, I went online and for the first time since our break up in feb, I saw him. Mayn…

Imagine if happiness was a crystal sphere the size of a tennis ball with gold dust swirling inside it like a wind over the ocean. Imagine that every human born had one sole purpose in life and that was to find their crystal sphere and that each sphere was subject to only one owner. Talking to Garry that morning was like watching my crystal sphere through an inpenetratable glass. Maybe that’s too dramatic of a description…and I say that only because of the pain this man has caused me has caused my heart to harden… but nonetheless, this is how I would describe it in a perfect world.

It was all shy at first as we tried to adjust to the fact that we were looking at one another eye to eye after so long and couldn’t turn away from the camera. In a short while though, the butterflies settled. Watching him speak, everything looked so new yet so familiar. We talked for hours and hours well into the afternoon. The topic of Daisy came up and again he apologized incessantly. I told him that we shouldn’t talk about it and that I was over thinking about their fling. He said if there was anything he regretted in his life this it was that.

Speaking of Daisy, I have been getting strange feelings that I will talk to her soon/she will talk to me soon. My intuition is very strong and I trust it-not always accurate but it’s one of those things that gets better with time. Albert Einstein actually said that the intuition of a man is like a muscle that when used more becomes stronger. And then last week when I went t do my hair just after I got back, my hair salonist who is also D’s was giving me back my hair products that I had left at the salon throughout my trip and he had labeled them “Daisy’s friend”… I thought that was on omen.

Two weeks before leaving to the USA though, Garry went quiet on me. Immediately I thought that Daisy must be in his vicinity hence the reason for my gut feelings about her. I don’t know... but Garry when distracted by school, fam etc will hardly communicate with me. He didn’t even call to wish me well on my trip and so once I landed in NYC, I removed him from my facebook and decided that I would only talk to him in November (when he’ll be back) face to face. Besides, maybe he was just pre-gaming me so that he can have pussy once his back. Who the fuck knows.

Andrew. Andrew oh Andrew. So, we left it at what? I don’t rem…but just before USA I cut him off. I didn’t tell him about my trip and he found out only too late that I was not in his time zone let alone the continent. He went nuts blowing up my facebook. After a week or so I responded to him and reminded him that we are not on talking terms and should keep it that way. He flat out said NO, “we should not cut off communication” . and so after about 2 weeks I gave him my USA number and he called me every day therafter. I thought “if only he was this crazy about me when I am back home”… of course that was his way of dealing with the fact that I could just up and leave the country. He wasn’t into me as I had hoped. Despite the fact that he sent me 40,000 kes to spend on my trip.

Upon my arrival back to the 254, Andrew had to see me. He even had time on his usual “too motherfucking busy” weekday schedule. I drove to his office numb and uncertain. He burst into a smile when I walked in. he was so excited that even his assistants were wary of this Andrew. I was elated. He hugged me and kissed me and picked me up and I giggled like a 6 year old.

We had dinner that night and he brought up our relationship/flingationship. “Given my age Purple, if I date someone, say you, marriage has got to be in foresight. What’s your 5 year plan?”

“But you know I am scared to death of marriage. There is a reason why we still met given this age difference. I want commitment and after commitment and love I will allow myself to play with the idea of marriage”

“it seems we are in different stages of life Purple” he concluded and with that paid for the bill.

This weekend as would have happened before, Andrew would have invited me to his home…but he didn’t. He had an impromptu meeting in Naivasha and had to cancel. This time, unlike the past, he didn’t carry me on his business trip. Once he got back he was “super exhausted” form the trip and couldn’t meet with me. I was upset. Did he not miss me? Despite the fact that he was tired, he could have just asked me to come over and sleep next to him. In my anger I told him that “no we can’t talk tomorrow…” and so the following day he didn’t call me. This absolutely surprised me. Andrew would always call me no matter how upset or strung I was. Always. And he would not stop until I picked up the phone. Finally at night he called me and said that he would like to meet me during the week. Another weekday rendezvous that had never been a norm in our relationship/flingationship. “I will call you tomorrow afternoon and we can talk about meeting” he stated. By his tone,I can tell that this is a break up.

Sometimes I wonder why life is breaking my heart. I attract almost everything I want in my life from my phone, my job, the car I drive, cheap gym membership, to the books I read, preety much with ease but I cant manage to draw into my life a fair, pure and honest love.

Peace and love!

Monday, August 1, 2011


So I wasn’t “Done”… You know how we are as females. Any public declaration of being “done” with a man is more so to the contrary – Far from “Done”.

As would any other man, when I walked away from Andrew, he chased. Chased like a Lion on a hunt expedition, like a leopard in desperate pursuit of a meal. Like animals in the wild, men chase what flee. And when they capture, they devour. I don’t need to interpret this simile much; I was the prey, he was the predator. And I grew weary of the run on this dry savannah of broken promises and scarce oasis of friends and eventually, I was caught. Put up a good fight might I just add in my defense.

And finally in the arms of this mostly indifferent beast of man with mere compassion and true feelings for me – I felt somewhat happy. Brief, abrupt, rapid, but nonetheless, happy. He is still in my life. Situation’s the same – calls only from Thursdays, and we spend every weekend together.

2 Sundays ago, after calling me incessantly on a Saturday afternoon, Andrew invited me to his house for dinner. We ate watched a movie and had a fuck. Standard operation procedure. Next day, we wake up and he has to go to Church (yes, the pagan lifestyle is just a part of him – his devotion is anchored to Sunday morning worship). I would expect that since this was the first Sunday I had been at his houses ( I mostly go on Friday nights) he would forfeigt church for me and cuddle in bed instead. Well, that was not the case. I get up, get dressed and get going (home). I couldn’t go to church with him well cuz he didn’t ask and two, I hadn’t any fresh clothes. I was hurt at his inconsideration and so I guess while we were getting ready my silence spoke for itself and he was able in interpret it. He asked about three times what was wrong and why I was quiet and so forth but I gave no indication of feeling played but instead smiled and gave him my well rehearsed “what are talking about” puzzled look. I drove home barely able to stop myself from crying.

Later that afternoon, he called. I didn’t pick and he called two more times. If only he would be that crazy about me on weekdays right? Finally I picked. He asked me to meet him at the Riverside café – our usual late Sunday afternoon spot. I declined, said I was tired and had a busy week coming up. He wouldn’t hear of it. “I know something is wrong – meet me and let’s talk”

Of course we didn’t talk about it. We had a great lunch, as we always did. Laughed, teased, flirted, kissed – very normal couply behavior. Then after we ate, it started to dawn on me that the weekend was over, which meant being with Andrew was over – until the next weekend. I need to be able to talk to the man I am sleeping with any time. Pick up the phone and tell him about my day, tell him that I miss him and I can’t wait to kiss him again- better yet, have him do all this to me.

At that point of sorrow, I said “I can’t do this Andrew”
“Do what…”
“I know you have a very busy life- but I am not happy being your weekend squeeze. Not anymore.”
“I know…”
“And its hurts knowing that you don’t want a relationship with me” I wanted to take back those words from the air and swallow them very quickly before they reached his ears.

I blurted out in an attempt to save myself from disappointment “but it’s okay. I have had a blast and I know you have too…so let’s go our separate ways.”


He looked down and at me dead in the face. My heart was banging like a trapped beast in my chest. I felt tears heat up my eyes. “don’t fucking cry in front of him!” I yelled at myself inside and I pushed them back. And then abruptly he looked away and said nothing.

A wave of resentment and shame and pain flowed into my heart. Finally he said, “Perhaps at this point in time, we should be friends”

The last word “friends” echoed back and forth in my conscience. I started to shake my head “no. I can’t be friends”

“Why not!” he asked

“I can’t. I’m sorry if you don’t have the capability of calculating the reasoning there…but I can’t. “ I shot back

“we should go…” I slung my bag over my shoulder and signaled for the bill. Andrew didn’t move. Instead he started to speak… I sensed worry in his voice.

I put my bag back down…He put his hand on mine and started to say all these things… He wanted me to take it a day at a time. Enjoy the ride. Well, I had done that for three months now and now the ride didn’t feel like a euphoric exciting roller coaster but instead like a dreary ‘tea cup’ ride. He walked me to my car (never done that before) and kissed my cheek, then gave me a pat on my bum like he always did when he was saying gdbye. And that was it.

The following week, I was good! Living life blah blah blah.
And then came Saturday evening. Andrew calls. I pick. I’m happy to hear his voice. He says “I want to buy you that steak you like at Onami”
“no…! You know we are not together anymore”
“I want to see you. I miss you”
“And I miss you! But this is going to spiral out of control” I warn him
“But I want to be in a spiral out of control with you………………………….. I just want to talk they way we do”
The steak was delicious!!! Had two apple martinis and I drove home drinking water like a dehydrated camel.

That was my weekend to party and have a wild time cuz I hadn’t been out in a couple of weeks and I really wanted to let lose so when I got home and I changed into my sexy outfit and went to my same ol spot.

Guess who I met there? *David. Ya’ll remember him? Point 5 guy with the killer body and pretty boy looks? The one I stopped picking his calls as soon as Alex walced into my life? Went on a couple of dates with him? Yup. That David. I was already pretty drunk when he said hello stopping me on my way to the ladies. With my back toward the entrance, David placed his hands around my hips and talked into my ear trying not to kill my ear drum over the loud music. “You know you I’m not someone you met just the other day. Me and you go such a long way back Purple. So when I call you, just pick up the phone. You need to give me time to show you that I can be a good boyfriend to you”

HELOOOoo!! OOOOkayyy!!

And then I felt the weight of a heavy built man on my left shoulder. David was still going on and on. As I focused my eyes on this familiar body frame, the man turned around and smiled at me cheekily. It was Andrew. I did a “HeeeeYYY!!! Here he is!!!” redemption act as I grabbed his arm. David cordially introduced himself to Andrew. As I watched this two men, the point 5 ten times cuter and hotter that Andrew, I listened to my feelings undoubtedly gravitate towards Andrew. He was no point 5, never been a model, didn’t have an Israelite for a father but he was tall and masculine and tough and everything about him was reeking of testesterone. I love that.

So he took me home that night and on Sunday, he left me asleep in bed as he went to Church and came back with lunch. We spent the rest of the day together half in bed half on his ¾ acre lawn feeling the breeze. And then he took me home.

That was yesterday.

I don’t expect him to give me what I want; ask me to be his woman or love me the way I want to be loved. But for now, I am not going to break sweat about it.
Let’s just wait and see.

Peace & Love

Thursday, June 30, 2011


Where shall I begin!!!

We left it at my last post where everybody warned me against Andrew. “leave him alone!!! ” “OMG Andrew is a jerk Purple are u mad” “Aiii that guy has too much ego”
Let’s re-cap shall we… Andrew is mister big masculine guy whose business card I smacked with a red kiss. The sexy Audi guy who disappeared on me after a steamy make out session at the club’s elevator only to tell me two weeks later he’s been in New York for work and is in Las Vegas for the weekend. Andrew.
Bad ASS, Rude Boy, Rough talking Andrew.

I heeded the warnings, I really did. I took it all in. And then I sat on my bed and thought, I could either stay alone and experience heartbreak all over again over the whole Garry+Dee situation, or I could be with Andrew; have him distract me. The latter was much more alluring.

And so, it began.

We would see each other on weekends and on weekdays he would, as usual hardly call me…I would try and start a little conversation, his one line responses would tick me off, I’d bitch and moan to my girls, they would either give the “I told you so” stories or the “he’s such as ass” shoulders to lean on… and it all worked fine for me. I would say, “Is this really worth it?” and then I would remember that it was either this or heartbreak. And I would opt for the “this”. Within a couple of weeks, I was used to the not calling much. I was even fine with it! I was also not thinking about Garry at ALL. My friends even said that I didn’t talk about him at all. I was pleased. I loved Andrew’s house, I loved watching him train boxing, I loved his cars and his speeding, I loved the spontaneous business trips out of town where he would carry me along, it was…okay. He was not emotionally invested in me, but I was fine with it. He taught me to be indifferent and not give a shit. I wouldn’t think Andrew and I were a match anyways! He is too short tempered and impulsive and selfish and therefore in any case I couldn’t date him nonetheless… So I didn’t invest emotionally with him as well, or so I thought.

One Friday night, I wanted more. I didn’t really have anyone to call after work, or text goodnight, or visit in the middle of the week… I have always wanted that. I knew that! But now that my basic emotional needs were catered for ie, no crying over Garry, I got laid every weekend or whenever a public holiday fell in the middle of the week, My dinner was paid for, drinks too, and I was satisfied at that basic level, I felt like I needed to move up to the next level.

That same Friday night, Andrew upset me. Correction-he hurt me. I was hurt by his actions and crude comments. Given that he is so domineering, I could not tell him how he made me feel for fear of sparking a fight. Because of how he hurt me, I felt it was time for me to leave him. He took me home with him that night, we had great sex; we always did…the next day he made b/fast and took my for my drama class,and I wore his clothes. The next day after that, Sunday now, he picked me up and we had a late lunch at the Riverside café. It was delicious. We had a great laugh, I wished his best friend, who was in the hopital, a quick recovery over his phone, and he took me home.

On Monday night, I called him.
“Hi…can you talk?”
“I’m about to leave the house…Speak” he said in his usual Andrew bad boy tone
“Whats up with the fucking attitude” I asked not really bothered for a remorseful response
“…no.. im walking to my car. Im about to drive so, speak” he said.
“ok… then um, we’ll talk tomorrow.” I said
“No its ok …” his voice was softer now
“Let me call you when youre not on the move babe…” I say
“ummmm okay” he finished flat toned.And I hang up.

Five Minutes later, he calls me back.

“Purple. What’s the matter. You sound sad” he says in a very political tone.
“well… I don’t want us to talk when you’re driving…” I respond
“NO… come on. Talk to me.”
“okay……. Um…………….. I don’t want to carry on with what we have.”


“I mean…after Friday, I really cant. I am not about that Andrew”
"Okay... I know youre not about that Dew (he calls me by my Kikuyu name), . You had been feeling like this all weekend?”
“Yes I have.”


“I’m sorry about Friday.” He says

And then there’s a small back and forth over the Friday night incident. He apologizes again and again.

“I know Andrew, I know. It’s okay. I just can’t carry on and I simply couldn’t wait for the weekend when you will have time to see me so that I could tell you this… I’m sorry this has to be over the phone ”


“Hello Andrew?”
“Look, Dew ... You’re a grown woman, so… I guess-"
The call gets disconnected! He calls back.

“Let’s talk about this later?” he says… “okay,please. I will call you later?”

I am taken aback. I had prepared myself for a break up. Later in Andrew’s words means three or four days later. Once, I had wanted to speak to him but he was busy. He was to get back to me later, and he called after three days. I know those the tell tale sign of “He’s just not that into you” but look, we’ve already gone through my other options.

I sat on the floor speechless. I was still nervous from the phone call. Was that a hint of emotion I heard in his voice? I head never heard him talk like that…with… affection.

The next day at 9am, I was busy at work when I saw “DON’T CALL” calling me (that’s the caller I.D I gave Andrew) I could nt believe it. I picked up. He was asking me how may day was. At 9 am? I told him I was a little busy, something I would never say to Andrew, but he didn’t become defensive. Instead he continued to talk about how he has to go and do this and that and that he hoped I had a great day.

Over the next few days, he called some more. Once at least each day. I was already on EXIT mode so I didn’t really reciprocate. And then a strange thing happened on that week when I was at *Kendra’s visiting her and her newborn, Garry called. YUP. Garry. He told me that he loves me and this he cant believe he let what we had go. He talked to me about the whole Daisy fling, said it meant nothing and that he thought she understood that he was in it for the sex. I didn’t care anymore. “we broke up 5 months ago Garry” I reminded him. “I know. I know. But you weren’t my gurl when I did what I did with Daisy. She was just a fling. I love you so much and I am sure of it now”

Okay! Seriously! What the fuck. What was all this.I listened to him. I had already forgiven him. But now I don’t know what in heaven’s name made him call me after such a long time. We talked for an hour. And then I sorta just forgot about it.

On Friday, Andrew called me at 8pm. I had been working late that day and was on my way to ‘Electric Avenue’ to meet my girls. He said “turn around and come to my house. Lets have a drink here and I will take you back to your friends”

“im already here Andrew, and im using the company taxi, I cant turn around. If you want o see me come!” I finished laughing

“er…my er leg is hurting today” he said obviously lying. He had had a massive boxing fight with his trainer the day before.

“Okay…!Fine” I responded in fake enthusiasm and hang up

At about 1am, I was beat. It was time to go home. I had had a good night. I turned to Wanjiru, my neighbor, whom I was going home with that night and asked her if she was ready to leave. As we were walking out, Wanjiru was stopped by one of her admirers at the club. I walked on. On my way down the narrow staircase, I spotted Wanjiru’s boyfriend. He had told her he was at home asleep and on the on the other hand, he wasnt supposed to know that she was out that night. They had been having some issues of late. The moment I spotted him I turned around and ran back up to Wanjiru and hissed “Patrick is here!!!” I was half laughing at myself and her frozen reaction when she grabbed my arm and ran to the toilet with me.

“Purple are you SURE it was Patrick!” she exhaled
“Yes I am sure! He is in a white shirt! I’m sure” I yelled back
“okay fine” And she was out the door. I stood in the toilet laughing. And then I redid my make up and walked out 5 minutes later.

I went back to my seat where my girls were at and sat, waiting for the confrontation between Wanjiru and her boyfriend to end. My gurls were all busy canoodling with their boyfriends, and so I was preety much staring into space. And so I felt sad that I was alone. That dreadful lonely feeling that always crept up on me when I was in the club was starting to tease my conscience. It had been over 5 weeks since I last felt it…since Andrew came into my life.

“What the fuck I cant believe I’m feeling this again” I murmered to myself as I buried my face in my hands. I decided that the right place to go and cry would be the bathroom, and so I stood up to head there. When I raised my eyes to look up, I saw Andrew.

He had just walked into the club. His giagantic bouncer-like frame and masculine shoulders were paving through the crowd in front of him in his arrogant swagger.He was saying hallo to Wanjiru now, and she was pointing out my location for him. My heart banged so hard when I processed what I was seeing. In a fraction of a second I spun my head the other direction, pretending I hadn’t seen him. I walked to Puppy, my BFF, and told her that Andrew was in the club! She couldn’t believe it. “did you tell him you were here???” She asked demanding an answer… “Well kind of! But not really. I didn’t tell him to come! I just told him I was coming to meet yal here. And he said his leg was fucked so he couldnt come or whatever”

That whole night, Andrew was like…really, into me. He paid attention to me 100%. Holding me close, whispering shit in my ear… When normally he’d say something stupid and ide walk off to chat with someone else and he would just let me go, laughing at my highly strung nature, this time he pulled me back to him, coaxing a smile outta me. I mean that’s normal couple behavior, but Andrew is NOT like that. His bad ass. I have pretty much only dated bad boys…so I know them. And Andrew is the worst. But that night… that was unusual

I didn’t go home with him that night as I always spent every Friday over at his house. He was disappointed. Asked me why I made up my mind to go to my own home so quickly. “But Friday night is u and me..” he said. I didn’t know how to accommodate this new Andrew. I wasn’t sure whether to trust it or not. He was very…intouch. But the moment he realized this, he was back on Bad boy mode, making that downward sneer as he said “It’s cool.” And I would say “I’ll come over tomorrow.”

As I was driving home with a drunk Wanjiru who’s man left her at the club after their confrontation, Andrew called…asked if I was okay to drive, where I had reached and that I must call him once I get home.

Following day, I went to his house.

To repay his kindness, I bought him an expensive painting which he said he would hang in the living room the following week. There was no emotion attached to the gift really. I just bought it – as a response to his kindness.

I didn’t know where we stood or why he didn’t bring up the fact that I dumped him already. So I just went with the flow. Garry called me at some point that day, and Andrew was watching my face burst into a smile when I saw his caller ID. He asked me about Garry. I told him he was nobody. He didn’t believe me.

The following week, this week, I thought that Andrew and I had generated a new culture given he’s previous week’s actions. One where he called me on weekdays as well as weekends and called me on my way home to say he will miss me.But that wasn’t the case. He didn’t call on Monday or Tuesday. On Wednesday I wrote him a text. “Lord Andrew, Im fine thanks. How are you!”

His response “I’m good. Mad busy. Tax deadlines”

We were back to our usual on liner texts it seemed.

I do appreciate that Andrew helped me get over Garry. I am also very much aware that what we have is 70% more likely to fail as a relationship and 100% more likely to work as a fling. But now, I want more. Maybe not from him, but I cant carry on this way.

Garry’s been calling me and texting me everyday since last week. I always pick. Andrew wont call. So why not.

But I think now, I should cut them both off.

Garry is into me because he knows I have a man. Andrew can only have me as an accessory to his sex life. And with both men, I cant survive for long without breaking down. So yesterday, before writing this blog, I asked Andrew on text “Hey,tax deadlines met? Can we meet today?”
Please note that Andrew is always “too busy” on weekdays to give me the time of day. But I was testing the genuinity of this new'into me'act.

His response was non lucid “Not Yet!”

He didn’t mention my request for a rendezvous. Typical. So I responded, “Well my dear! Have yourself a lovely weekend. Pay up soon. Tax evasion is a crime :-) ! TATA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

He got the hint. He knew I was on my way out the door. A text came almost immidiately “You can come and watch me fight if you like”

And I replied “Naaaah thanks. MWAH”

Im just bored of his shit. I don’t care about how busy he gets and how he works out everyday after work and how Al Capone needed a shot (His Doberman mutt who I baby sit from time to time) or whareva! I belive him, I know he is extremely busy, but I mean haha…don’t you know how to use your phone.

I have been ignoring his calls and messages and I think today he has had enough and he sent a text saying "I will never call you again :-)". What are we? Sixteen???!!!Whatever rocks his boat mayn. I dont even care that my favourite heels are at his house. But I think for now, Im DONE. No M.O.S.K no nothing... jus me my self and I.

Tonight, I drink!

Peace & Love

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


Saturday Morning

Surprisingly no hangover from the ‘early night’ out with the colleagues.
My phone beeps… it’s a text message. I’m lethargic to open it.

Hey, how you doin? I’m back! Just landed

It was Andrew. This was the first of any contact he had made with me since he told me he was in Las Vegas two weeks prior. I ask him how the trip was. He’s response is brief and direct to the point. He uses a full stop every few words and I get the sense that he may not be interested in talking to me, yet he’s the one who made contact… so I go ahead and bloody say what I want to say,

That was a long trip. I shuda told you to get me an I-heart-NY t-shirt n jersey… It’s nice to hear from you again. So, you have my number handsome; ul let me know if you’re interested in seeing me again. Welcome back! Xoxo

Saturday night

I stayed home. By probably 11pm I was willingly deep in party free slumber… At 2.30am I woke up to go for a pee. I peed. And then I went to bed. Before allowing sleep to take over me, I checked my phone out of habit, in my one eye open routine so that sleep doesn’t escape my eyes and I saw ‘1 new message’. I opened it and found a text message from *Andrew;

Where are you?

The message had come in just 15 minutes before I woke up to use the bathroom.
And I respond…

Stayed in tonight. I’m in bed... I assumed he was at the rave and wanted to see

For a moment I was repulsed by his eagerness to get back to the Nairobi party scene not even 24 hours after his arrival. Plus I was still displeased by the fact that in the two weeks he was in the US, he hadn’t called me. By this time I had already crossed him from my list…you know, stopped seeing him as a potential boyfriend. The next day when I woke up fresh and early, happy to receive the Sunday morning in my cozy duvet, I check my phone to see a text from Andrew…

“So did I, how did you sleep?.” probably the first comma I’ve seen in his messages to me.

I must say I was a little surprised that he was bothered with me. So I told him I slept well and then I asked him what he was doing up at 2 in the morning texting me. He responded by saying in one short sentence-“couldn’t sleep” full stop. And I write
Oh yeah, you’re still on New York time. Oh well the world was ending yesterday so at least you would have been awake to see the second coming.
And then he responds

Ha ha ha! That’s right!

So I get the sense, once again, that he is done with the conversation and I don’t send ANOTHER text. Got up, made breakfast and in the afternoon met up with my girls at the Village Market, did a nice afternoon lunch, met a guy I was totally crushing on and then I got home and went to bed ready for another dragging week at the office.

Monday morning; 6.45am

I am downstairs having breakfast when I hear my cell ring from my bedroom where I had left it charging. I run upstairs sure that it’s my neighbor Caitlyn, calling to tell me that she will come get me for work at such and such a time. Surprise, surprise as I see Andrew’s caller ID.

Really; surprise, surprise.

He sounded like he had just gotten up and was still in bed. He said, “I have been holding my breath hoping that you would call me.”

I was thrown off track. What the hell is this guy talking about? He’s the one who texts me like he doesn’t want to really talk to me. And I never initiate conversations with guys who are still on the ‘hitting on me’ stage… I tell him I thought he was done talking to me. He has no idea what I’m talking about. He asks “what were you up to yesterday. I would have liked to meet you” and I tell him about the plan for Village Market. And he says “I woulda come if you told me”

"I cant call you Andrew” I laugh
“why not?” he asks
“because that’s not how it goes. You call me.” I explain
“okay… can I see you today? After work maybe?” he asks
“Yeah…” I respond happy as a fukn fat kid with candy
“what time?” he asks
“Well I’m going to the gym so…”
“okay, call me in the evening and we can plan it”
And I laugh…
“Or I should call you?” he asks and I can feel his smile in his voice
“Okay…I will.”

He picks me up ten minutes earlier than we had planned. I like people who keep time. His car is Sexy as hell. He asks “dinner or drinks?” and I’m reminded of the buffet park date (gag) (refer to former blogs) and I say… “Maybe we have dinner while having a drink”. I wanted to sound diplomatic and mature and up to his level of intelligence. You see Andrew is over thirty. I am twenty three. He’s is a big man both physically and in the corporate world who has pretty much made it … and works out by boxing in his home gym. Hence the Mohammed Ali signed boxing gloves he mentioned over dinner. I have never dated a ‘rich’ guy, much less an older man so I was very much in unfamiliar territory. He had all the control.

At dinner as we were looking at the menus, he glanced at me indecisively and asked me what I was going to have. I said “chicken lemon w/salad?’ He looked down at the menu and mumbled under his breath that he too wanted something light but he really like the French fries the restaurant served. When the waiter came, notebook firmly in hand, I was getting ready to give him my order when Andrew beat me to it and said “She’ll have a chicken lemon with salad and red wine, sweet yes? And I will have the same but with French fries (then he looked at me and smiled) with a double gin and tonic please…” I was all over sudden fascinated by him. I had wanted a man who took the reins. A man who was confident and comfortable in his skin, a man who looked at me with interest as I spoke and yet spoke himself spoke of greater things. A man who was not afraid to put his arm around my waist and pull me closer to him and talk to me inches from my face…

The date went great. We laughed so much at the stories we shared that I soon forgot my nerves. Andrew kissed me many times that night. He had moved from his side of the table to mine to be close to me and he liked it when I let my hand wander over his back and neck. He said I was ‘smooth’ and would get a lot a** if I was a guy. I shrugged conceited, and he laughed. Outside my house he opened for me the door and kissed me. He said he would see me again, soon.

As I went to bed that night, the memory of Garry came to me. In comparison, honestly, Garry was not so mighty anymore. Andrew was bigger than him, smarter than him, more attentive and funnier. All over sudden I felt on top of the world and said a little prayer that he may fall in love with me.
The next day, I sent him a text to respond to one he had sent to me after the date but was already asleep by the time it came. He didn’t reply. At around close to lunch time, I sent a message saying,

“Now it’s me you have holding my breath for a text/call etc…”

Less than a minute passed and he called. He had been really busy and thought he had already texted me. He said he was sorry. I was extremely calm and secure and told him it was not a problem. He asked me what my day would be like and I gave him my schedule. Then he made laugh a little and said “okay have a nice day”. The rest of the day, there was no communication from him. I wondered if I was being needy. I went to the gym and eased off my stress. Back from the gym at 8pm, there was still no word from him. At 10.30pm, I was on the edge. I hated it when I needed someone. I knew all the rules of not contacting a guy if he doesn’t contact you esp at the beginning of a relationship. I couldn’t help it. I really couldn’t and so I texted him…

‘Hey Andrew. How was your day. I’m about to turn in…”

He responded immediately…

“Day good. Me too. Very tired.”

I read the text again. And again. Was he being rude or was he being his usual non-descriptive self. I couldn’t tell. I felt like a stupid girl having texted him.
This was all yesterday. Today I have not contacted him and neither has he contacted me. Its 2.57pm. Surely even at his lunch break he wouldn’t have halad…no? I don’t get it sometimes. Men are so oblivious. Then again I’m probably not on his mind now that he is not calling me at 6.45 in the a.m or texting me at 2 am at night.

Ef this.

Peace & Love

Ps: David sorta stood me up twice last weekend due to the nature of his extremely busy job and due to his ‘delay’ I went on the date with Andrew. David wont stop apologizing and asking for a date this weekend. I don’t know what to do…

Monday, May 16, 2011


I don’t have much purpose for this post…
I have inspiration but no purpose if you get what I mean. There is no punch line, uh-huh moment or anything of the sort.

After receiving the news last week about Dee Dee and Garry I took three days off work. Actually, let me rephrase, I got the news after I had conveniently taken three days off work. I believe that was God/Universe/The Higher Being trying to cushion my fall. Like I always say, I don’t believe in coincidence.

First day off, I spent the whole day in bed. Crying and reminiscing.

Second day off, I finally picked up David’s calls and accepted his offer to have lunch. The date was splendid as I fairly talked about in the previous blog.

Third day off, I promised myself to draw and to consolidate my music in an organized file, and also to lay on the grass of our backyard with my arms and legs spread out.

I had been looking at the grass since we moved into the new neighbourhood a month ago and had really been wanting to do that but the day that Daisy called me-the day she told me about the sexapade with Garry, I had picked her calls in the backyard cuz you know, connection issues with international calls… As I stood in the grass barefoot staring down, listening to the details of my bff and ex bf, I realized that there were millions of tiny grass bugs in the grass. I walked around the lawn looking at these minute creatures scurry around at the stomp of my foot… these little fuckers only think about food and water. And now running away from my feet… and maybe the birds…. See I am extremely TERRIFIED of insects. I would rather a warthog chase me than a locust creep up on my back. At least you can see a warthog. So that day, I didn’t lie on the grass. I didn’t want the bugs getting on me, finding a nest in my hair and crawling into my ears at night when I’m asleep, like that movie I saw when I was a kid about the Trans Atlantic Slave Trade where some white guy got a roach in his ear from the African bush and the natives had to get it out by pouring hot wax from a candle in his ear…

And I decided to have a drink instead.
Called my neighbour *Janet and we downed a few glasses of wine. I opened up to her about Garry and Dee Dee. She went into complete hysterics about why on earth I would still be talking to Daisy. I explained to her that I genuinely loved and understood her… She thought I was a loser. I am not.
Didn’t draw or consolidate my music/lyrics that day...

Garry sent me a text … said he was sorry for hurting me and ruining my friendship with Dee Dee…and that I should think of him as a bad memory in my past. Piece of shit was just trying to say that he is okay with me hating him and that he doesn’t mind if I think ill of him. That, ladies is how a mayn tells you that he really doesn’t give a shit. If he cared he would be trying his best to make sure I didn’t think ill of him. “They’re [dee dee & gee gee] probably popping champagne in the rusty Outback watching kangaroos mate”, I thought to myself that night.

I was a wrecked mess last week.

On Friday the 13th, I woke up waiting for the curses of the day to hit me. ‘’Three bad things…they always happen in threes…” I told myself. Let it just be known that I don’t believe in that stuff and that I am all about creating and maintaining positive energy ( well I try my best to)…but that day I guess I kind of wanted the shit to happen cuz I felt that way.

As the law of attraction would have it, three really shittty things happened to me. One with Baby, yes, the well known EX, the other with David, and the last with Daisy-as a result of stories a good friend of hers who’s been in love with her for forever told me.

I sent a really crude message to Baby and the other to Daisy at the height of my drunken night. It’s just marvellous that these are two people who’ve broken my heart.

The next day I woke up hangover-very familiar feeling those past few days. It saddened me what I had become and I wept in bed before realising it was 1 pm and I had a shit load to do. So I slithered out of bed partly wishing I never woke up to see another day.

I met dad downstairs shining as bright as a button and informed him that I would not be sleeping home that night; that it was Leila’s boyfriend’s birthday and I would be attending his party and given the logistics of what I had to that day and still attend the party, it would only make sense if I slept there.

I did my hair, bought Eric (the birthday boy) a bottle of ‘Magic Moments’ vodka, shopped for leggings and got a pair, briefly met with David as he was from a meeting and was heading to the gym, then home and said he would come for the party after a nap and shower. After, I planted my ‘its gana be a good night’ smile and showed up.
The house party was unexpectedly awesome…! I enjoyed myself to bits with my oh-so-cool-super-girl-crew. I missed my girls-had been a while since we had all been together like that. And I love that we are still so close after so long… After the house party we went to the club.

I think I looked preety darn good that night… in fact the whole oh-so-cool-super-girl-crew did! We’re a gang of six hottt awesome amazing ladies: Sassy, Black Rose, Puppy, Bootyfull, Leila and myself (sure ive mentioned them all before)… We have never had a fight that’s lasted more that twenty minutes long and we all have a mutual respect for one another. I was just talking the other day with Sassy that we as a click have never fallen out and that it truly was a blessing… So, here we all were at the club, making a scene with our youthful carousing and hearty revelry.

I sat on the lounge chair with this all too familiar feeling in my heart...if yal know what I mean. Around me, all my gurls (well except two who got a litol too tipsy at the house party to come) were swinging in the arms of their boyfriends. Ya’ll don’t even know what I’m talking about because I can’t describe the happiness that I was amidst. All my girls are in healthy happy relationships, all over one year old - and that’s as real and as close as I can get. I was at a freaking date night and didn’t even realise it…on my own all dolled up in my pink hugging dress and aviator heels cut low enough to show my ankle tattoo. It was nice watching them, all of them, laughing and giggling with their better halves at inside jokes, sharing and exchanging dirty looks, and then calling me up occasionally for a third wheeler dance. Oh and you shoulda seen Puppy! Christ even I felt in love just by lookin at her. See her & Daisy r who I call my best friends cuz I am closest to them, but my whole crew are preety much my best friends…That’s the happiest I had ever seen Puppy… Smiling the WHOLE night!!! The Whole night!!! Rem I told you she’s like the hottest chic in Nairobi...? She looked so beautiful and so happy that she woulda lit up my house with her glow. She was finally reunited with the love of her life after four years of separation by oceans & continents…He looked happy as fuck too. Everyone did. Bloody fantastic.

Well at least Janet was there… and she kept me company… I still had a great night. Ended up coming home tho…cuz Janet, Mandy and I r from the same neighbourhood and Mandy had her car so I hitched a ride… I could only imagine going to Aggie’s, where the party was and where everyone was going back to after the rave and having to cover my ears with a pillow to muffle the groans of moans of passionate love making from all the happy couples there. No pun ya’ll... but you know… that would kind of be hard for me.

Woke up dreading another Monday… got to work and well, its Monday night… Six pence none the richer’s playing  on DSTV radio and it feels so not another teen movie in my head right now.

David didn’t show by the way. It’s okay.

Daisy and I are not talking now… Haven’t heard from Garry since his text… I wish them both utmost misery. Well you know, if they end up together… like I hope he wakes up and doesn’t like her morning breath, or she finds his unflushed poop in the toilet as she’s going to brush her teeth… or she finds him drooling on her pillow as he snores with his mouth wide open or that maybe he wakes up and discovers she’s a night farter… mmh, I could write a song about that.

But if they don’t end up together, well, I hope that my friendship with D is fixed and that, Garry thinks of me everyday in the ‘depths of his despair’- Adele

Peace & Love

Thursday, May 12, 2011


Andrew didn’t say much to me after our steamy rendezvous. I was too proud to call him first and simply tried to pick and prod the whole situation with my girls at work.

Next weekend, Anthony David was coming to town. No way on earth was I missing that concert. Gat advance tickets decided that I would wear the dress that Daisy had sent for me from Australia just a few days ago with her brother (along with Adele’s new album 21).

Concert day-I was syked. Did some errands with Catelyn my neighbor and got home just in time to shower and change for the concert. Still no word from Andrew or Daisy or Garry for that matter. I got home and changed my mind about wearing the dress. Wore leggings, ankle length boots, a top and a boyfriend jacket…

The concert was great. After that the girls and I packed my car (my momma’s car) and headed to electric avenue, aka Westy. Club number 1: Bachus. Hoped to bump into Andrew there but there was no sign of him or his car. Went to another club, same club that Andrew and me were getting busy, and by then I was drunkish. Walking into the club, I spot *David in front of us. He’s hot. Light skinned, looks like he gyms everyday by the size of his arms and tone of his thighs and is commercially too bloody cute. Not my type. For the body, I would def say it’s a yes, but the pretty boy Justin Timberlake face and light skin, naaat so much. He’s also an old friend. Been knowing him since I was 12years old and he 15. I yelled, “Omigaaad why them jeans so tight!” and my girls burst out laughing. He turned around in a staggering motion. Omigosh he cannot be drunk! For the longest time I knew David, he was a health freak and never drank alcohol. He laughed after seeing me and we hugged. He leaned on me a little longer than usual. “Jeez how’d u get so high!!!”I asked him, and he stammered “don’t judge me Purple, been a tough day”… I promised not to and said I would see him at the club.

At the club I am bored stiff. The music is pounding in my ears and the alcohol tastes like bitter herbs. I want to go home. Self pity creeps in… I start to think about how I am a single girl clubbing every weekend looking for happiness and never finding it. I’m done clubbing…I need to start drawing again. That’s what I’ll do with my Saturday nights. And now that I’m starting piano classes I can think of some melodies for the songs I’ve written. I look back at my past relationships. Baby was the last serious like, proper serious boyfriend I had and that relationship failed… and then I thought of Brit… Ya’l remember him? He was such a good man, and then I thought of motor cycle guy and then of Garry. I looked at my phone. “No more drunk texts girl please...” I pleaded with my conscience. I drunk text, “This Usher song reminds me of the day you were dancing in my house… (plus some another rubbish I wrote)” , finish, send.

David stumbled towards me. I tried to avoid eye contact. I didnt want to talk to anyone. “Heeeeyy Purple”… his eyes were dancing and his face brightened up as he smiled at me with that infectious gorgeous grin. “Looking good!” he drawled. “Thanks…” I responded looking down at my boots. “Hey Puppy!” he yelled over the music to my girl. Ahh so that’s why he’s here… Puppy’s like the hottest chic in Nairobi. I moved back tryna give him room to talk to her. But then he moved when I moved and made himself comfy next to me. “Mayn the girls in this club!” he exhaled, “wooH, had to get away, they were bugging me.” he finished, giving away his signature smile. I got a flash of the Colgate advertisement. “Well maybe if you hadn’t broken bad looking this good, you’d be sitting here with us!” I joked. He leaned into my ear… “Where is your boyfriend…what was his name…?” he looked up squinting trying to remember.

“Hahaha, Baby? We broke up a year ago! I think it will be two years in October…!” I shouted back.
“No! has it really been that long?” he asked astonished. I nodded back smiling. “it has been a minute!”
“You really loved that guy Purple.” He began. “But you were sad weren’t you? How come you never called me?”

You see, David and I grew up in the same church. When he was in his mid teens, he became an usher for the youth service. When I turned fourteen, a friend of mine who had the hugest crush on David convinced me into becoming an usher with her so that she could be close to him. At 14 I didn’t really have a type and I thought he was cute too so I said why nat. All through high school, David had always been someone I looked up to. He became head usher for the teen service at some point and I remember I used to see him like he was my boss and big brother. He said to me one day, “Purple, maybe you should get a looser fitting skirt. You know how the people from the main Church are.” I was growing hips at that age and everything I owned started to get tight. So I always felt fat and took this as an insult and never looked at David with dreamy eyes ever again. To me he was dead.

In University, we joined the same school. Girls thought he was lush. I didn’t see it. By then, if you were not dark and handsome, I never looked your way. He would come up to me and say, “Purple, call me sometime. You don’t look too happy with this guy.” This was towards the end of my relationship with Baby. I didn’t call David cuz it sounded like he wanted to preach to me. And my relationship with religion had greatly deteriorated by this time.
David kissed me that night. Three times. I kissed him back. For the hell of it. He never left my side. He made me promise that I would call him once I got home. I reminded him that I was fine and that he was just drunk and I wish him well. He said he would call me the next day to prove that he is very aware of what just took place.
He called. Wanted to see me. I was too hangover. He called again, “when r u free then, I want to show you something” “Well I want to take three days off work from tomorrow so we can plan something.” Done.

At night, I paced around my room and finally text Andrew.
Hi Lov… So, now that I am in moderate limbo, can I just ask; do you have a woman? Am I too young? Nat you type? Maybe a lousy kisser? I can take it, really.”

Two minutes later…

Ha ha ha! None of the above. I’m in Las Vegas, Nevada!... hence my silence bayb.

“As in U.S.A?”


Party scene here nat enough for you? Had to go to sin city!!! I don’t buy that excuse for the silence, but I’ll take it. Work or Leisure?”

“New York for work, Vegas for the weekend. I think you are extremely hot Purple… there was no pun intended. Pole for the silence”

Okay, get me a chip from that place of the ‘Hangover’ (movie)..what was it, ‘Ceaser’s Palace? You rem when the retard asked the receptionist in the film… “Did he really live here? You know… Ceasar?”

“Ha ha ha! I miss your humor P. Was there last night. Bring you a chip then.”

Monday morning, I send Daisy a message. I want so much to tell her about Andrew and how I’m crazy about him and also about David. But with the way she has been acting lately, I wonder if I should even bother. But then she really gets me… and I start to feel bad. I have to fix this, I think to myself.

So I send her a message. It’s pleasantries at first but she’s almost same ol’ D! I’m excited and feel that the time is right to mention to her that there is a strain that I think we should fix. Garry should be behind us. He has no stake in defining our ten year friendship. Along the conversation, she apologizes for closing up to me and says that that is just how she is when she senses anger or judgment from people (she’s referring to the time when I lost it after she told me about Garry hitting on her). I apologized for my quickness to anger.

“Are you ready to talk about Garry” she said/texted
I had no fucking idea where this was going but responded “I’m all in…”
And she begun.

From the moment she landed in Melbourne, Garry did not leave her side. He was the perfect gentleman, opening doors for her, paying her bills, refilling her glass, cupping her face in his hands and declaring her outstanding beauty… she was confused. She didn’t like it. This was my turf, she reminded herself…and she didn’t like smokers besides. But Garry was persistent.
On the day that she had to drop her little brother at the airport to return to Nairobi, Garry insisted on coming along. So there they were like a cute family, driving to the airport. After that they went to the club where they would wait for the rest of the gang. Girls were literally chasing Garry around the club she said. He was lusted over by women in Melbourne and Sidney and he knows it.
One girl, as they were sitted talking and Garry was busy getting jealous over some other guy talking to Daisy, climbed onto a speaker and started dancing trying to get his attention. She had no panties on. Garry walked away. From the bar, Daisy looked back and saw him walk away from another bunch of girls that were all over him. He came to her with a drink in his hand for her. She was blown away at how all these girls wanted him but all he wanted was her.

Later that night/or some night… he kissed her. Over and over and over. He said that he wanted her. She declined, he groaned, “but why Dee-Dee”; he already had a pet name for her. And she said “you know why”…and with that went to bed. I assume I was the ‘why’.

The next day, they hooked up. She was ashamed and didn’t like it. She asked her friend from Sidney, Gabby, if she should tell me what she just did. Gabby warned her against it. And then she had sex with him again.

It was his birthday now. She took him bowling. At first he was apprehensive, but finally agreed to go. He turned out to be great! He even hit a strike! YIPPEE-FUCKING-DEEE!!! And then he said, “It’s all cuza Daisy”. And now! By then, they were a couple. He introduced her as his woman. And they had sex again.

One of Gabby’s friends had come along from Sidney with Gabby because she wanted to hang out with Garry. She was absolutely in love with him. On his birthday, she bought him a cake and surprised Garry at the house while Daisy was in the shower. She told Garry about her feelings for him, but he said he was feeling Dee and wasn’t interested. She took a flight back to Sidney that night.

As ya’ll may remember, Garry was to call me on his birthday, he didn’t.

As Dee Dee and G were watching movies in each other’s arms after a meal that one of them cooked for the other one evening, Sue walks into the house and stops dead in her tracks at this grotesque sight.

See Garry lived with three people in this house; Himself, Robert and Sue. Sue was extremely in love with Garry. Sue’s name was on the lease.

She marched to Robert and said, “I want that bitch out of my house!”
Garry wouldn’t have any of it. “If she leaves, I leave!” and Sue relaxed her grip. Daisy was uneasy. “Maybe I should leave” “no stay”. He was firm.

God knows if they had sex again, because she mentioned his loud snoring. Which I had told her about when me G were together…and we laughed about it. Garry said defensively, “it’s because I was sleeping on my back!” Sleeping on his back because he was holding me in his arms…

After everybody had gone back to their respective cities, Daisy stayed behind and played house with my ex mayn. Later on, she saw it fit to leave.

In Adelaide, they were eager to continue what they had started. G asked her to go online and they talked every so often. He was now pursuing a similar long distance relationship with her. Like he did with me.

“Its going to be hard Purple, but it will make us stronger.” He said to me once.

After some time however, Daisy said that she could no longer continue with the relationship. He couldn’t stop talking about all these girls that were hitting on him and saying stuff like “what are you going to do…”

By this time I was crying on my bedroom floor. It was as if the pain in my chest was too heavy because my entire upper body was on the ground, my face burning with tears. Daisy went on and on about the relationship/fling. She wasn’t holding back. Not that I wanted her to, but it hurt too much hearing all this; in detail.

My dream, my six foot one, dark skinned heavy built muscular I’ll pay for your ticket in June I can’t wait to kiss you again of a man was sleeping with my best friend.

As she lay it all down on the table for me, Garry's image kept on coming into my mind-when he undressed and stood naked in front of me, fearless; his hefty body glistening in the dark, before devouring me. An image I replayed in my mind every single day in wait of his second coming, and now she was the woman on the bed. Unbelievable.

And then I remembered the day he broke my heart. I am extremely uncomfortable with crying in front of people but I called Daisy, and she came to my house, and nursed me day after day, back to proximal happiness. I couldn’t fucking believe it. I had never felt this way about any man. Ever. And she knew this. I used to be the hugest skeptic of love at first sight, until I saw Garry. Folks, it exists.

I threw up two times that mornining. And my acidity came back.

I do not believe in coincidence.
There is a reason he came into my life. There is a reason that Daisy was there for me, and there is a reason she was the one who did this to me.

It’s been two days since I got the news. I’m much better now.

Had my first date with David. He saw my artwork and was convinced that I am sitting on a prime talent. He makes me blush and such, kissing my cheek at lunch and holding my hand under the table when I am talking. He’s absolutely gorgeous. Inside and out. He’s determined, passionate and sweet. And he believes in me. For some strange, reason, he does. I dunno why…

Andrew hasn’t spoken to me since Sunday, aka, Las Vegas.

Garry and me spoke on Monday when Daisy broke the news to me. He apologized for everything. Even for breaking communication with me that day many weeks ago. He said, “I’m not into her”... And many other things about Daisy I choose not to write on here.

Daisy and I are still friends. She apologized incessantly… I try to be empathetic to her. That she had missed being loved and Garry swept her away. She swears that she is not interested in him in the slightest bit anymore. He is immature and smokes…she says. I love Daisy… I hate that she did this to me. She had a bigger stake in our friendship and Garry was just being single, I tried to explain to her. He fucked up for sure by banging my best friend, but, I mean, if he was fucking some other bitch who am I to give a damn? D on the other hand, like I said, had a huge stake with me. And so, the betrayal lies with her. Never him.

I don’t know for sure what happened between them but just as Regina Brett said, all that matters is that you loved.

Peace and Love,