I have never been this sure about ending this...
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
((and now i have writer's block))
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Detaching...
I have never been this sure about ending this...
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
(and now i have writer's block)
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
(and now i have writer's block)
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
Detaching...
I have never been this sure about ending this...
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
(and now i have writer's block)
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
(and now i have writer's block)
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
Detaching...
I have never been this sure about ending this...
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
((and now i have writer's block))
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
For the first time in forever my heart is in sync with my mind!!
Why the fuck does life play out like this!!!!!! Is this a fucking joke!
Im a sucker for this shit and im in this mess cuz im sloppy on such decisions. shiiiit.
((and now i have writer's block))
Okay,.. so
Baby's pathetic (cute-pathetic)gestures of love are just fucking up with my decisiveness
It was killing me last night;watching his heart break infront of me as he was realising that i really am done with this. And I caaaant do that. so shoot me if you think that Im stupid for letting him spend the night here.I am game (lOL!! GET IT??) NWAY, I literally said NO. NO go to westy wasnt that your plan. !! fuuuck oh no hes walking with me to my house.. okay is he sindikishaing me?? 'Sassy' Im coming to your house if he decides to spend the night..!!
Sassy,"sweetie I love you but i might be having someone over hihihi..."
Mayn I wish I was like her. When she makes up her mind ther's no turning back. Me on the other hand, im just losing my gansta credit over this sloppy business.
We get home. He has a bottie, im excited we drink it!! MJ is playing back to back on hot 96..I GET SUPA EXCITED!!, change into my boxers, grab my heels, start singing along.. Im intoxicated but alert.. and look at him, dancing with me trying to smile BUT I can see his pain .(dO you know how sad that looks)... Trying to be on beat with the song 'dont stop till you get it all..get up..!' azin he cant dance.. aki woiye..
Shit. shiyyyet.
Do you know what it feels like to absolutely not want something but find yourself unable to get out of the fucking paradox??!!
I just cannot cannot cannot bring myself to tell him...like straight, that Im done. shit.
How will I even begin to start telling my girls that we are together-ish again...! im tired of it, im sure they are... my storoz about him to them now are jst wanna those things you listen to while filing your nails saying 'uh huh' or push a big yawn back down your throat.
Night two
he's right here...dead asleep.
Its raining outside... this is my favourite weather in the world. Im spsd to be mooshy and randy and romantic when its raining. Im with the man I love and im feeling (blank).
Nicotine. Thats my therapy.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
oh well
I get home, straight to my computer to start on a bunch of boring assignments. Here I am loving the new focused me that surfaced since yesterday when two texts buzz in one after the other on my cell. Baby and A.S
I laugh by myself.
Im anxious to open them both. okay, A.S
Shes arrived well at 'thhaaat country' ..hala whenever she says. I go back to the top of the message and read it again.
last weekend I raved cuz of her.it was her last weekend. She ditched me all night, her phone was 'in the car' (all night)so I couldnt reach her. Im forced to call her stupid friend because I mean, I have to see her before she leaves... Find out shes not coming tO the club that she said she will come to so silly me I go to the club shez at. BIG MISTAKE. I get there and ocourse stupider friend number 2 and stupid 1 get together and start to bitch about me being there. I hate stupider (male) the most. Stupid (Female) is just irrelevant to my life. the story of how we became such enemies is a whole other blog but we were once all really good friends.
god i hate Stupider. Anyway, A.S is going on and on about how sorry she is about her phone being in the car, smoking cigarrete after the next, sipping my water, turing her attention away for a second to respond to something happening 100feet away and then she gets back to me. She thrives on this fanship that she gets from all these people. it feeds her ego so much and i can see it, and there I was feeding that shit.
She says amidst 10million things that she 'thinks' that her and her People have to go. I get up and start looking for a cab guys number... I summon her away from her drooling fans and we start to talk. she asks me to get along with stupid and stupider, then stupider comes.. "err...sorry for cock blocking but AS we gatta go so er..." I laugh.
"Cock blocking!???" i retort
"theres no cock involved" A.S says and then turns around to tend to another fan, and then I laugh responsivley "yeah there's no cock involved...!" Stupider looks at me dead in the eye and says "You dont exist.. Er.. A.S can we leave?!"
"wait Stupider, what have I done to you that you can say something like that?" (my beef is with Stupid, not him... he is just really close to stupid so he has her back plus he hates that A.S and me have this whole BIcurious fling because he likes A.S... Azin, LIKES-LIKES)
"say what?" A.S finally catching up with whats going on
"That I dont exisit.. Why would you say that?"
"yeah why would you say that to her?" A.S
He sneers and walks off.
AS continues talking to whoever that was behind her...
Stupiders comment hurts me, rather than piss me off as would most things and I feel tears in my eyes. throw my cigarette and walk off.
A.S i think notices my absence and i can hones$tly see her from the corner of my eye, gesturing with her hands on her temples and over her chest (heart) how 'stressfull' this is all making her as random fan comforts her. as usuall, the drama now turns to her, her feelings and shit. I text my girl for a cab number cuz i see none. Its 6.30in the fucking a.m and im in stupid galileo's. A.S and her friends hurudle aroud their mortie about 50 yards to my right. Stupid's boyfriend ( hes cool) comes and asks if im okay (transport) and i say ive called a cab. he advices me to go round the other side as there are cabs there. I do that. Walk past AS and her stupid friends... She doenst follow after me, ask me how am getting home nothing... I leave. That was the first time in my LIFE that I left the rave alone. wacha even story for chiboz, just alone like that!!
3hours later I get an Im sorry text. WHat does she want? for me to 'understand'?! ure fucking kidding me. shez not sorry. this was her being her. It hits me why I stopped talking to her a couple of years back when we were neighbours. I have heart but im not going to turn to a lil bitch. I was walking well into that path that night.
Shes like the best friend I will never have. Love her to death,always have her back, but I just cant stand her shit.
<<<
Baby's text. I stare at his name on my phone and then I open it
"I miss you so much..."
The perfect messege that would lure me straight back into his arms
we are broken up since last night. I feel so alone without him but it is almost like a load off my shoulders. we both know that its over. But three years isnt something easy to let go of. Again I am confident enough to say that he loves me.
"So do I Baby." i reply
I finish my work, go to the microwave to warm my supper, then i see the roach thathas been living in my moicrowave.. ew.It doesnt like walk around there, it is stuck im between the glass thru which u can see into the microwave YYYUUUUCCCKK. I tried using a fork to create a crack on the door of the m.wave and then spraying RAID in there.. i thot it died i didnt use the damn thing for a week and i cleaned it like crazy after that, but then today i saw it walk in th glass. u see the door of a mircowave has a dual glass noow the roach is inbetween there. I am abit of a clean freak and im insectophobic, so im going psycho!! its so true that roaches can survive micro waves and nuclear waves and all. gross.. Gross gross gross gross
I laugh by myself.
Im anxious to open them both. okay, A.S
Shes arrived well at 'thhaaat country' ..hala whenever she says. I go back to the top of the message and read it again.
last weekend I raved cuz of her.it was her last weekend. She ditched me all night, her phone was 'in the car' (all night)so I couldnt reach her. Im forced to call her stupid friend because I mean, I have to see her before she leaves... Find out shes not coming tO the club that she said she will come to so silly me I go to the club shez at. BIG MISTAKE. I get there and ocourse stupider friend number 2 and stupid 1 get together and start to bitch about me being there. I hate stupider (male) the most. Stupid (Female) is just irrelevant to my life. the story of how we became such enemies is a whole other blog but we were once all really good friends.
god i hate Stupider. Anyway, A.S is going on and on about how sorry she is about her phone being in the car, smoking cigarrete after the next, sipping my water, turing her attention away for a second to respond to something happening 100feet away and then she gets back to me. She thrives on this fanship that she gets from all these people. it feeds her ego so much and i can see it, and there I was feeding that shit.
She says amidst 10million things that she 'thinks' that her and her People have to go. I get up and start looking for a cab guys number... I summon her away from her drooling fans and we start to talk. she asks me to get along with stupid and stupider, then stupider comes.. "err...sorry for cock blocking but AS we gatta go so er..." I laugh.
"Cock blocking!???" i retort
"theres no cock involved" A.S says and then turns around to tend to another fan, and then I laugh responsivley "yeah there's no cock involved...!" Stupider looks at me dead in the eye and says "You dont exist.. Er.. A.S can we leave?!"
"wait Stupider, what have I done to you that you can say something like that?" (my beef is with Stupid, not him... he is just really close to stupid so he has her back plus he hates that A.S and me have this whole BIcurious fling because he likes A.S... Azin, LIKES-LIKES)
"say what?" A.S finally catching up with whats going on
"That I dont exisit.. Why would you say that?"
"yeah why would you say that to her?" A.S
He sneers and walks off.
AS continues talking to whoever that was behind her...
Stupiders comment hurts me, rather than piss me off as would most things and I feel tears in my eyes. throw my cigarette and walk off.
A.S i think notices my absence and i can hones$tly see her from the corner of my eye, gesturing with her hands on her temples and over her chest (heart) how 'stressfull' this is all making her as random fan comforts her. as usuall, the drama now turns to her, her feelings and shit. I text my girl for a cab number cuz i see none. Its 6.30in the fucking a.m and im in stupid galileo's. A.S and her friends hurudle aroud their mortie about 50 yards to my right. Stupid's boyfriend ( hes cool) comes and asks if im okay (transport) and i say ive called a cab. he advices me to go round the other side as there are cabs there. I do that. Walk past AS and her stupid friends... She doenst follow after me, ask me how am getting home nothing... I leave. That was the first time in my LIFE that I left the rave alone. wacha even story for chiboz, just alone like that!!
3hours later I get an Im sorry text. WHat does she want? for me to 'understand'?! ure fucking kidding me. shez not sorry. this was her being her. It hits me why I stopped talking to her a couple of years back when we were neighbours. I have heart but im not going to turn to a lil bitch. I was walking well into that path that night.
Shes like the best friend I will never have. Love her to death,always have her back, but I just cant stand her shit.
<<<
Baby's text. I stare at his name on my phone and then I open it
"I miss you so much..."
The perfect messege that would lure me straight back into his arms
we are broken up since last night. I feel so alone without him but it is almost like a load off my shoulders. we both know that its over. But three years isnt something easy to let go of. Again I am confident enough to say that he loves me.
"So do I Baby." i reply
I finish my work, go to the microwave to warm my supper, then i see the roach thathas been living in my moicrowave.. ew.It doesnt like walk around there, it is stuck im between the glass thru which u can see into the microwave YYYUUUUCCCKK. I tried using a fork to create a crack on the door of the m.wave and then spraying RAID in there.. i thot it died i didnt use the damn thing for a week and i cleaned it like crazy after that, but then today i saw it walk in th glass. u see the door of a mircowave has a dual glass noow the roach is inbetween there. I am abit of a clean freak and im insectophobic, so im going psycho!! its so true that roaches can survive micro waves and nuclear waves and all. gross.. Gross gross gross gross
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Virgin Post
couldnt make it for my morning meeting so i just slumped back on my pillow after the alarm clock rang for the a milionth time... I hate that buzzer mayn. its so annoying. But then i couldnt get back to sleep cuz the water pump at my apartment building had just been turned on. .. and that dog from the massionette across our building...!!!! Noise pollution aarrrrgh. I missed my significant other. no kiss on the forehead in the morning today. ..or the feeling of his chest hair on my face.. or the 'where did that come from' hard-on he would get in the morning, after which he would hold my knickers to the side and- &$*%
<<<< STOP!!!!!>>>>
Im suppossed to be moving on, or alteast I'm telling myself that i should be. Me and him, we are complicated. Always have been from the start. Three years. But that was the beauty of IT ALL.Im confident ehough to say that he loves me. SOb. The details of our love affair are not relevant to my fellow bloggers, but what is is that we are almost-broken up. We are at that point where we have broken up over ten times and each time i think that this is really it. but theeeen, he calls or i email... never ending cycle I tell you. and now we are broken-up again. It is moments like this that make me so vulnerable and I want to hear his husky morning voice.
I go to the kitchen and gulp down a glass of water.
Throught the day, he keeps pooping into my head. Its been three days since we last spoke. And I miss him. But because i know going back to that would probably not work, (we've tried for so long), I manage to lie to myself that Im doing great without him.
I need a drink.
At the bar with my girls... I swore to myself that I wouldny touch a cigarette just for today, but my friend, lets call her El, passes my a smoke and cant say no. El asks me if ive spoken to A.S... takes ma a second to respond..Im enjoying the 1st puff.. "no." I respond. I wasnt upset or anything, but before I get a 100% thumbs up that shez gana show for any of our plans, my strategy is to expect the worst i.e she doent show u and this way i dont get too disapointed. its worked. And besides, this wouldnt be the 1st time shez stood me up. AYAM A SUCKER FOR LOVE! WHAAAAT(...is it with you and judging me already)..! I just wish she showed tho. i love her company. everything with her is brizzay and kewl ad no pressha even if i start to get gurl-crush on her.
We get tipsay!!! TallDarkSexy(TDS), Extrovert(X) and coastdude (CD) are so much fun to hang out with. Im so glad that El has made friends with these guys while she was on a trip with them to 'thaaat' country. With the rising level of alcohol and nicotine in my bloostream, so does my randiness. Oh no, that lesbian who was hitting on me last year (reffer to my first post) walks in. fuck. Recepie for disaster. She doesnt jazz me and talking aout her is ikky so lemmi just take you through this real quick. She buys us a bottie and me a separate drink (since the other day when A.S and me got drunk i cant stand the taste of spirits)..my galz get so jazzed cuz of the free alcohol and Vay(another one of my gals)starts insisting that i go sit with lesbian gurl so that the drinks keep coming (for them). I say hell no.
Les gurl catches me on my way out later on. Oh she says she is still into me- i shouldnt be so quiet-i look nice- my bf dst know what hez lost.. And then i start to feel 'woiye' for her. I hate, yes. but she is a very beautiful human being on the real. I just feel NOTHING for her..
I call A.S
As usual she sounds lethargic on the phone.
So then I'm forced to muffle my excitement (every time!!)
Shez not gana show up.
Whatever.
One last stop to a different pub for shots. I duck that vibe and come home.
First time i feel like breaking down because Babybeau (the ex) is not around.
What is he doing??
probably drinking. His usual pass time. (caused big fights).. His excuse being that Nairobi isnt like New York and that I shouldnt expect him to hve "tickets for the game friday night" cuz Nairobi doesnt have much to do.
I call A.S cuz my stupid blog wont open.
Lethargic..
"I get so lonely" Janet Jackson.
<<<< STOP!!!!!>>>>
Im suppossed to be moving on, or alteast I'm telling myself that i should be. Me and him, we are complicated. Always have been from the start. Three years. But that was the beauty of IT ALL.Im confident ehough to say that he loves me. SOb. The details of our love affair are not relevant to my fellow bloggers, but what is is that we are almost-broken up. We are at that point where we have broken up over ten times and each time i think that this is really it. but theeeen, he calls or i email... never ending cycle I tell you. and now we are broken-up again. It is moments like this that make me so vulnerable and I want to hear his husky morning voice.
I go to the kitchen and gulp down a glass of water.
Throught the day, he keeps pooping into my head. Its been three days since we last spoke. And I miss him. But because i know going back to that would probably not work, (we've tried for so long), I manage to lie to myself that Im doing great without him.
I need a drink.
At the bar with my girls... I swore to myself that I wouldny touch a cigarette just for today, but my friend, lets call her El, passes my a smoke and cant say no. El asks me if ive spoken to A.S... takes ma a second to respond..Im enjoying the 1st puff.. "no." I respond. I wasnt upset or anything, but before I get a 100% thumbs up that shez gana show for any of our plans, my strategy is to expect the worst i.e she doent show u and this way i dont get too disapointed. its worked. And besides, this wouldnt be the 1st time shez stood me up. AYAM A SUCKER FOR LOVE! WHAAAAT(...is it with you and judging me already)..! I just wish she showed tho. i love her company. everything with her is brizzay and kewl ad no pressha even if i start to get gurl-crush on her.
We get tipsay!!! TallDarkSexy(TDS), Extrovert(X) and coastdude (CD) are so much fun to hang out with. Im so glad that El has made friends with these guys while she was on a trip with them to 'thaaat' country. With the rising level of alcohol and nicotine in my bloostream, so does my randiness. Oh no, that lesbian who was hitting on me last year (reffer to my first post) walks in. fuck. Recepie for disaster. She doesnt jazz me and talking aout her is ikky so lemmi just take you through this real quick. She buys us a bottie and me a separate drink (since the other day when A.S and me got drunk i cant stand the taste of spirits)..my galz get so jazzed cuz of the free alcohol and Vay(another one of my gals)starts insisting that i go sit with lesbian gurl so that the drinks keep coming (for them). I say hell no.
Les gurl catches me on my way out later on. Oh she says she is still into me- i shouldnt be so quiet-i look nice- my bf dst know what hez lost.. And then i start to feel 'woiye' for her. I hate, yes. but she is a very beautiful human being on the real. I just feel NOTHING for her..
I call A.S
As usual she sounds lethargic on the phone.
So then I'm forced to muffle my excitement (every time!!)
Shez not gana show up.
Whatever.
One last stop to a different pub for shots. I duck that vibe and come home.
First time i feel like breaking down because Babybeau (the ex) is not around.
What is he doing??
probably drinking. His usual pass time. (caused big fights).. His excuse being that Nairobi isnt like New York and that I shouldnt expect him to hve "tickets for the game friday night" cuz Nairobi doesnt have much to do.
I call A.S cuz my stupid blog wont open.
Lethargic..
"I get so lonely" Janet Jackson.
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