POST BETRAYAL

I don’t have much purpose for this post…
I have inspiration but no purpose if you get what I mean. There is no punch line, uh-huh moment or anything of the sort.

After receiving the news last week about Dee Dee and Garry I took three days off work. Actually, let me rephrase, I got the news after I had conveniently taken three days off work. I believe that was God/Universe/The Higher Being trying to cushion my fall. Like I always say, I don’t believe in coincidence.

First day off, I spent the whole day in bed. Crying and reminiscing.

Second day off, I finally picked up David’s calls and accepted his offer to have lunch. The date was splendid as I fairly talked about in the previous blog.

Third day off, I promised myself to draw and to consolidate my music in an organized file, and also to lay on the grass of our backyard with my arms and legs spread out.

I had been looking at the grass since we moved into the new neighbourhood a month ago and had really been wanting to do that but the day that Daisy called me-the day she told me about the sexapade with Garry, I had picked her calls in the backyard cuz you know, connection issues with international calls… As I stood in the grass barefoot staring down, listening to the details of my bff and ex bf, I realized that there were millions of tiny grass bugs in the grass. I walked around the lawn looking at these minute creatures scurry around at the stomp of my foot… these little fuckers only think about food and water. And now running away from my feet… and maybe the birds…. See I am extremely TERRIFIED of insects. I would rather a warthog chase me than a locust creep up on my back. At least you can see a warthog. So that day, I didn’t lie on the grass. I didn’t want the bugs getting on me, finding a nest in my hair and crawling into my ears at night when I’m asleep, like that movie I saw when I was a kid about the Trans Atlantic Slave Trade where some white guy got a roach in his ear from the African bush and the natives had to get it out by pouring hot wax from a candle in his ear…

And I decided to have a drink instead.
Called my neighbour *Janet and we downed a few glasses of wine. I opened up to her about Garry and Dee Dee. She went into complete hysterics about why on earth I would still be talking to Daisy. I explained to her that I genuinely loved and understood her… She thought I was a loser. I am not.
Didn’t draw or consolidate my music/lyrics that day...

Garry sent me a text … said he was sorry for hurting me and ruining my friendship with Dee Dee…and that I should think of him as a bad memory in my past. Piece of shit was just trying to say that he is okay with me hating him and that he doesn’t mind if I think ill of him. That, ladies is how a mayn tells you that he really doesn’t give a shit. If he cared he would be trying his best to make sure I didn’t think ill of him. “They’re [dee dee & gee gee] probably popping champagne in the rusty Outback watching kangaroos mate”, I thought to myself that night.

I was a wrecked mess last week.

On Friday the 13th, I woke up waiting for the curses of the day to hit me. ‘’Three bad things…they always happen in threes…” I told myself. Let it just be known that I don’t believe in that stuff and that I am all about creating and maintaining positive energy ( well I try my best to)…but that day I guess I kind of wanted the shit to happen cuz I felt that way.

As the law of attraction would have it, three really shittty things happened to me. One with Baby, yes, the well known EX, the other with David, and the last with Daisy-as a result of stories a good friend of hers who’s been in love with her for forever told me.

I sent a really crude message to Baby and the other to Daisy at the height of my drunken night. It’s just marvellous that these are two people who’ve broken my heart.

The next day I woke up hangover-very familiar feeling those past few days. It saddened me what I had become and I wept in bed before realising it was 1 pm and I had a shit load to do. So I slithered out of bed partly wishing I never woke up to see another day.

I met dad downstairs shining as bright as a button and informed him that I would not be sleeping home that night; that it was Leila’s boyfriend’s birthday and I would be attending his party and given the logistics of what I had to that day and still attend the party, it would only make sense if I slept there.

I did my hair, bought Eric (the birthday boy) a bottle of ‘Magic Moments’ vodka, shopped for leggings and got a pair, briefly met with David as he was from a meeting and was heading to the gym, then home and said he would come for the party after a nap and shower. After, I planted my ‘its gana be a good night’ smile and showed up.
The house party was unexpectedly awesome…! I enjoyed myself to bits with my oh-so-cool-super-girl-crew. I missed my girls-had been a while since we had all been together like that. And I love that we are still so close after so long… After the house party we went to the club.

I think I looked preety darn good that night… in fact the whole oh-so-cool-super-girl-crew did! We’re a gang of six hottt awesome amazing ladies: Sassy, Black Rose, Puppy, Bootyfull, Leila and myself (sure ive mentioned them all before)… We have never had a fight that’s lasted more that twenty minutes long and we all have a mutual respect for one another. I was just talking the other day with Sassy that we as a click have never fallen out and that it truly was a blessing… So, here we all were at the club, making a scene with our youthful carousing and hearty revelry.

I sat on the lounge chair with this all too familiar feeling in my heart...if yal know what I mean. Around me, all my gurls (well except two who got a litol too tipsy at the house party to come) were swinging in the arms of their boyfriends. Ya’ll don’t even know what I’m talking about because I can’t describe the happiness that I was amidst. All my girls are in healthy happy relationships, all over one year old - and that’s as real and as close as I can get. I was at a freaking date night and didn’t even realise it…on my own all dolled up in my pink hugging dress and aviator heels cut low enough to show my ankle tattoo. It was nice watching them, all of them, laughing and giggling with their better halves at inside jokes, sharing and exchanging dirty looks, and then calling me up occasionally for a third wheeler dance. Oh and you shoulda seen Puppy! Christ even I felt in love just by lookin at her. See her & Daisy r who I call my best friends cuz I am closest to them, but my whole crew are preety much my best friends…That’s the happiest I had ever seen Puppy… Smiling the WHOLE night!!! The Whole night!!! Rem I told you she’s like the hottest chic in Nairobi...? She looked so beautiful and so happy that she woulda lit up my house with her glow. She was finally reunited with the love of her life after four years of separation by oceans & continents…He looked happy as fuck too. Everyone did. Bloody fantastic.

Well at least Janet was there… and she kept me company… I still had a great night. Ended up coming home tho…cuz Janet, Mandy and I r from the same neighbourhood and Mandy had her car so I hitched a ride… I could only imagine going to Aggie’s, where the party was and where everyone was going back to after the rave and having to cover my ears with a pillow to muffle the groans of moans of passionate love making from all the happy couples there. No pun ya’ll... but you know… that would kind of be hard for me.

Woke up dreading another Monday… got to work and well, its Monday night… Six pence none the richer’s playing  on DSTV radio and it feels so not another teen movie in my head right now.

David didn’t show by the way. It’s okay.

Daisy and I are not talking now… Haven’t heard from Garry since his text… I wish them both utmost misery. Well you know, if they end up together… like I hope he wakes up and doesn’t like her morning breath, or she finds his unflushed poop in the toilet as she’s going to brush her teeth… or she finds him drooling on her pillow as he snores with his mouth wide open or that maybe he wakes up and discovers she’s a night farter… mmh, I could write a song about that.

But if they don’t end up together, well, I hope that my friendship with D is fixed and that, Garry thinks of me everyday in the ‘depths of his despair’- Adele

Peace & Love
Purple