Virgin Post

couldnt make it for my morning meeting so i just slumped back on my pillow after the alarm clock rang for the a milionth time... I hate that buzzer mayn. its so annoying. But then i couldnt get back to sleep cuz the water pump at my apartment building had just been turned on. .. and that dog from the massionette across our building...!!!! Noise pollution aarrrrgh. I missed my significant other. no kiss on the forehead in the morning today. ..or the feeling of his chest hair on my face.. or the 'where did that come from' hard-on he would get in the morning, after which he would hold my knickers to the side and- &$*%

<<<< STOP!!!!!>>>>

Im suppossed to be moving on, or alteast I'm telling myself that i should be. Me and him, we are complicated. Always have been from the start. Three years. But that was the beauty of IT ALL.Im confident ehough to say that he loves me. SOb. The details of our love affair are not relevant to my fellow bloggers, but what is is that we are almost-broken up. We are at that point where we have broken up over ten times and each time i think that this is really it. but theeeen, he calls or i email... never ending cycle I tell you. and now we are broken-up again. It is moments like this that make me so vulnerable and I want to hear his husky morning voice.

I go to the kitchen and gulp down a glass of water.

Throught the day, he keeps pooping into my head. Its been three days since we last spoke. And I miss him. But because i know going back to that would probably not work, (we've tried for so long), I manage to lie to myself that Im doing great without him.
I need a drink.

At the bar with my girls... I swore to myself that I wouldny touch a cigarette just for today, but my friend, lets call her El, passes my a smoke and cant say no. El asks me if ive spoken to A.S... takes ma a second to respond..Im enjoying the 1st puff.. "no." I respond. I wasnt upset or anything, but before I get a 100% thumbs up that shez gana show for any of our plans, my strategy is to expect the worst i.e she doent show u and this way i dont get too disapointed. its worked. And besides, this wouldnt be the 1st time shez stood me up. AYAM A SUCKER FOR LOVE! WHAAAAT(...is it with you and judging me already)..! I just wish she showed tho. i love her company. everything with her is brizzay and kewl ad no pressha even if i start to get gurl-crush on her.

We get tipsay!!! TallDarkSexy(TDS), Extrovert(X) and coastdude (CD) are so much fun to hang out with. Im so glad that El has made friends with these guys while she was on a trip with them to 'thaaat' country. With the rising level of alcohol and nicotine in my bloostream, so does my randiness. Oh no, that lesbian who was hitting on me last year (reffer to my first post) walks in. fuck. Recepie for disaster. She doesnt jazz me and talking aout her is ikky so lemmi just take you through this real quick. She buys us a bottie and me a separate drink (since the other day when A.S and me got drunk i cant stand the taste of spirits)..my galz get so jazzed cuz of the free alcohol and Vay(another one of my gals)starts insisting that i go sit with lesbian gurl so that the drinks keep coming (for them). I say hell no.
Les gurl catches me on my way out later on. Oh she says she is still into me- i shouldnt be so quiet-i look nice- my bf dst know what hez lost.. And then i start to feel 'woiye' for her. I hate, yes. but she is a very beautiful human being on the real. I just feel NOTHING for her..

I call A.S
As usual she sounds lethargic on the phone.
So then I'm forced to muffle my excitement (every time!!)

Shez not gana show up.
Whatever.

One last stop to a different pub for shots. I duck that vibe and come home.
First time i feel like breaking down because Babybeau (the ex) is not around.
What is he doing??
probably drinking. His usual pass time. (caused big fights).. His excuse being that Nairobi isnt like New York and that I shouldnt expect him to hve "tickets for the game friday night" cuz Nairobi doesnt have much to do.

I call A.S cuz my stupid blog wont open.
Lethargic..

"I get so lonely" Janet Jackson.