STORMY PROPHESY

This year started really well for me... I went to coast with Brit and the rest of the crew (reffer to previous blog) and i got an internship in a huge MultiNational which so far I am enjoying to the nail.

However
:-)
...
BRIT...
Over the past few weeks I came to a startling revelation...sad and maybe too blunt, but true. This one rare prince charming of my life is... kind of low on the monetary department of our union. Okay... he's kind of broke (CRINGE!!!) I have been thinking all week of how to write that without sounding deragatory or mean or stingy.

Brit is so humble and funny and cares about the tiniest details of me which i had been itching all my life to find a man that does.

He opened up to me some time back about how things got this way for them. This hadnt always been his life. And it was clear from the fact that he attended one of the most highest fee priced highschools in the country. His personal tendancies are also a reflection of how 'things' used be in the past. A reflection which i thought was a reality and not the former. So anyways, he also reveled to me that things were not going to be that way for long and that he has big plans for me he says... but that could just be Wishful Thinking.
Look, Im NOT a gold digger. In fact, none of the guys I have dated have ever been eti ballers or even rich (considering BABY-the current Ex a.k.a love of my life). But after that toxic relationship, I was dtermined to have a brighter future. And I dont mean gifts FOR ME or anything to do with personal benefits; I wanted to do stuff that was fun and exciting and adventurous. Stuff that can only get anywhere in this day and age with PAPER;MULLAH;CHEDDAR...MANEH

Brit still hasnt lost his inner peace or loving nature OR funny stories or his way of loving a woman despite the fact that certain events led the abrupt change of his lifestyle. No matter how much shit comes his way, he's still the same; happy. And just watching that makes me fill up with so much love for him.

On the other hand though, its a complete turn off.
Yes, it is.
If i visualise myself reaching to pay for a bill one more time, im gonna have a panic attack.
and he gets so worked up when we are in such situations.
Me, I'm ironically calm then.
"Babe, its okay!... come on we're in this pamoja*" is what i say.
But in reality, its killing me too that sometimes I've had to 'handle' the bill.
Shit. It's so mentally disturbing.
Its how I am. I will offer to pay occassionally but only as a sign of 'I got you/thanks for handling it all the other times, allow me...ETCs'
A small part of me is still traditional,(yay! hence the name of my blog)but its a small part with a huge stakehold power over how my mind and emotions function together.

I dont know what to do...
I mean i cant leave him based on something so baseless (sorta)...

Then theres Married guy from work slowly but surely making the move on me. Its interesting waiting for his next move but im not intrested. nad theres single manager guy who last weekend was abit furnny with me in the club last weekend. THats just a by the way..

Should I just hang around and deprive myself of stuff i want to do cuz i cant afford it for the both of us two times in a row or whatever...??
And I even think I love him.(so twisted)
...

I dont think I can hang on too long so i just need something to make me stay