Emotion

....
Today makes it a month since Baby and I broke up. And I am on my period. The one of many many many months that i was sure I was going to get my period, u know...cuz im not getting any now

It's Sunday so let me begin from Thursday.

I got reeeally drunk. Had a good time at the pub. Met this guy had been eyeying for about two weeks... No chemistry. He was telling me about the British Army. And then he asked why I didnt sit for long (to talk to him) ...I was all over the place me and my drunkedness. And what was his name? I think Richard or Remmy or Ricky.., I told him my name was Tipsy.

So after being abandoned to ride on a piki piki in my drunken state, mscheeeeew, I fika my place... Bump into crazy M as i was trying to climb the stairs. We laugh at how drnk I am hahaha, she takes me home... i fall!! like lterally fall as i am entering the house... ouch my thigh. we laaaugh. she chills bit.. then she goes. and then silence.
I am so drunk and so lonely. I start to wish that i could google single man for hire... FOR A RELAIONSHIP SILLY!
I dose off on the sofa

BEYONCE'S SWEET DREAMS IS LOUD IN MY BRAIN!
oh crap my phone! i cant even see my bag! where the fuck is my phone ringing from!!!!!!! I stand in the middle of my living room and listen. the phone is ringing from outside. ???? okay. so i open the door. my bag is outside.

I get the phone, but then it falls... anyway when i finally grasp it i dont even check the caller ID...

"Sorry!!! sorry the phone fell...!!!" I blurt
"oh its okay!" he responds
oh fuck.
I CHECK THE CALLER ID! "ex.factor" aka BABY.
"Hi!!" i shout into the speaker i dont know why
HIM: "Sema. I was just checking up on you..."
ME: "Im good(or something i think i said)"
HIM: Are you drunk?
ME: "hahaha abit"
HIM: "you cant even hala to tell me success on my exams?"

So we talk... and taaaalk. By this time ive switched to ORANGE (cheapest calling network in Kenya- YEEEEESSSS) and we talk for over an hour.
I know I am ment to be moving on and whatever but he came through you know. I really needed someone around and he called so, shoot me. I dont regret.
I find myself agreeing to him coming the next day...

"But Baby you said that you have a paper tomorrw at 1pm..." I ask/state
"I can come early..."
"how early?"
"How eary do you want me to come?"
....

7.45am- Friday
The three-knock. (ref to former blogs)
Im GROGGGGGGYYYY.

When i open the door after ten years his shoes are aleady off and hes back if facing me as he is leaning off the balcony. MY HEART POUNDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

ANYWAY.

He comes straight to bed, and no we werent going to have sex but he said he 'just wanted to come and hold me' and i wanted to be held :-). And then, thats WHEN the holding turned to kissing and the kissing to emotion and the emotion to nudity and the nudity to sweet penetration and mygod was I wet. I swear, it had never felt so good. i swear.
wololo!
Anyway, he got out because we werent condomizing (lol wat a word) and i think that gave us time to think. The condoms were right there...I wanted him so bad but we didnt go on.

HE went for his paper and then went to library to prepare for his next one. Then I joined him at the lib but to meet with a friend of mine who we were ment study for MY paper with. He came to say hi. He kissed me on the forehead. He went back to his table upstairs. He texted me telling me I smelled good. Before his paper he came to say bye. Sweet things.

At night, he tried to kiss me. we were in public. I moved away jokingly sayin that I cant let people see us together. And that opened a can of worms!!!!
So as expected the next day he came to school fr his last papers and I could tell he was edgy. He later confronted me about how what i did hurt him. He also said that he saw it comong becasue all day the day before he saw it that I really have left him. And that I was detaching. And that when we had our last fight and i broke up with him he thought that it was just a fight and that we would end up together again as we always did and when he came over the day before he thought that that would be it...but I was 'detached'.
And... get this...that I am embarassed of him eti becasue i didnt want to be seen with him! Eti I want a better guy thats why i was ashamed BLOOOOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its cuz if people saw us together theyde think im tha stupid girl going back to a miserable relationship. I HATE HATE HATE LOOKING WEAK.
He was so firm on his stand then i became angry and he became rude and i became bitchy an we fought urgh. stupid boy. we concluded and i left 4 home almost crying. then he followed me... i mean if youre bored by now reading this stop cuz the same shit recurrs aaaalll night.

Finally he leaves. I make it clear that he wasnt a booty call but i dont want us to get back together.

Moving foward..
Theres a guy sort of in my life. His name is Blast From The Past (BFP). Knew him in Primary school. Had a crush on him but he was in 6yellow and I wa in 6green so i hardly saw him.And then me and Gitush started dating...
I dont want to Jinx it so letme leave it at that.

PS: AlienBubble, Curly fries and gaypeace, thank you for youre sweeet emails and all. My nights arnt so lonely cuza yall. much love

The Makings

FINALLY im seated infront of my laptop blogging... long time. It's so hot outside krist! I wish I could have sex rite now...with ice cube props.

Oh man, oh man, alot has happened in the past since-the-last-time I published something.I went to coast, hot bar tender bought my cousins and I drinks everytime we drank at their (cousins) hotel...I lusted over him yummm,got back, started my schoolsemester and so on >>

Last weekend, I FINALLY HAD THE STOMACH TO END THINGS WITH BABY!. Omigod we was Furious!!!! maaaaddddddd!! He sent some really awfull texts; like I dont even know how hw went off talking to me like that...! Anyway, after he talked shiiiiit I sent him a text saying 'lenga sending such txts to me.' ANd then I didnt talk to him again.

Lately, theres been a weird oddness in my so-cool-super-girl-crew. LIke have you ever walked into a room and known that the poeple there were talking about you even if it was two hours after? yeah, that weirdness. Like a couple of days ago,X made this snicker when I said something. Ew.. Blair woldorf is a fictional character you know...Its a mockery to try and be her. and then there was this time I walked up to Y and Z... that awkward glare/air of 'we bitched about you'... Fake hi how r uz... Y is really good at hiding it but Z isnt, so i could feel it. W has been checking up on me all week cuz of the break up n all so when i mentioned it to her she said "youre noticing now!" and then W metioned it to B, B called me and told me to get used to it. Whoa, okay!! lol. It doesnt bother me too much, jst a little. Probably because I have alot going on right now and my neighbour,CrazyM has so much syke for the world shes always over here giving me her latest vibe. Plus, W and B and em Puppy...are cool with me and thats a relief.

So on Friday as usuall B called me. She shouts over the phone its hillarious. I wasnt really down for a plan so i just told her not to come for me. I dont have class on friday and my cousin Mirror spent the night and >>> anyway, mirror had class so I had to go to skul and give her the jewellery she left at my house. we had had a crazy thursday. My ex and his friends and I and Mirror drank like maaddd and then they all came to my house and we drank some more and danced then the alcohol ran out, then thw boys went to get some more and then we drank some more. yeeshhh i was so hangover friday. On my way to school I kept thinking i was going to bump into Baby. I could feel it in my soul that he was just around the corner. I wanted to bump into him i think. So that he could see me and then Ide walk off with an attitude.
Well it didnt happen.

Friday night- 2am
I hear men's voices outside my bedroom window. Im convinced it thugz. shit. Then theres a knock on my front door (azif i have a back door)... That three-times knock (reffer to former blogs). okay, so its Baby. SO i shout "(his name)???"
"Yeah its me."
( what the fuck!! has he come to see me? so he's missing me! why has he come with our watchie?)

I open the door. My eyes cant even adjust to the light (lightbulb).
"What are you doing here?" I ask,as if im not somewhat glad to see him. he looked really cleaned up. shaven. all black...crisp shirt.. cologne..
"Beau,Ive come with him (watchie) incase you beat me up... and incase you let me in the watchie can go tell the cab guy to go."

I dont know why I got angry at him all over suddden.( kwani he thinks he can just come here anytime he wants). MAybe its becasue he didnt come on a horse, and a shining armour.
"(his name) uve come for a booty call...!" i demand

he kept quiet... then came closer to me...slowly... as if he thought Ide slam the door. and then he said "purple due, my mom isnt getting any better. her results are back... I dont want us to shag. can we please talk?" his voice was shaking!! my heart melted. INSTANT. I didnt show it. but i let him in.
We talked for about an hour. Mostly about how things at his house are terrible. Its so so so sad. his hoome is an emotional hell. I'de never seen any man that destroyed. not even on TV. Oh man. I could cry just remembering. We slept together. cuddled. I was half skeptical half liking it.
He was kissing my face...over and over...I slept.

Next morning I made breakfast. we were chatting alot! it was so nice. he was telling me how the day before when he was in school he was hoping he would bump into me. eti he weent to all the pubs around school hoping to see me :-) hahaha. I didnt dare tell him that the same thing happened to me.
Anyway, when I was making the bed, he was gettn ready to go to school and the moment we were silent I asked him if we could have a sit down... Then he said " Please, not today. Can we just enjoy this?"
Emotional BlackMail!!
"okay" I responded understandingly.
SO THATS WHERE WE ARE NOW... ENJOYING THIS FOR NOW... IM SO CONFUSED!!! I was ready to move on. I mean i still love him to death but, i was ready to just be alone. I feel like Kourtney (kardashian)... That episode when Scott appeared in Miami.

:-) :-) :-) but i dont mind. Lets just see how this plays out.
Haiya. hes just called lol
Ciao!!!