TWENTY FOUR HOURS

TWENTY FOUR HOURS
When I went up country for Christmas, something changed in me. More like, settled in me. I didn’t know if it was permanent or temporary, but I liked it.

*Daisy and I had promised each other that we would be each other’s dates for new year’s eve. If you’ve been keeping tabs on my blog, you know im single. Daisy is also single, and let me just say I am so proud of her for leaving her ex! He reminds me so much of Baby!!!

However when 31st came around I wasn’t feeling it at all. The rave that is. So many times in the last 2 months I have gone out and im like, “why am I here…” (on the rave). I didn’t have a man, the men on the rave were just not for me… and yeah, I was looking for a man. A lover , a friend, a companion. I knew what I wanted.
I would find myself staring into space, (on the rave) with this feeling of dread and loneliness and suddenly, I would want to go home. And when I got home, I was so happy to go to bed. This happened so many times and when I had enough of it, I just stopped going out. Again, whether it was permanent or temporary I didn’t know, but I was liking it

I started to think what I would replace this time with… the Friday and Saturday nights. Movies, my art, and … well that’s all I had. I was tired of the night scene and if anything, I have been a single girl partying for almost a year now and not met the kind of man I wanted. So if I changed my scene, maybe I would find my man right? Sounded convincing to me. Whatever. Man or no man, catch me dead on the rave on New Year’s Eve.

I ditched Daisy on 31st. I felt really bad because I would have loved to go to Naivasha with her but I also knew I would wind up being the party pooper; quiet, lonely, and lost in fantasy.

That night I stayed home alone with five candles, popcorn and Gabriel ‘coco’ Channel’s life story movie. I enjoyed myself to bits! At midnight, I watched the fireworks from my balcony, kissed my imaginary boyfriend and went to bed at 1 am.

On January 8th, 2011, I opted to leave Quinnz (after the rugby game at impala) before nightfall cuz I wasn’t interested in partying. I got home. What to do… decided to take out my art work. My parents were away for the weekend and so my brother *David was not home, and neither was the car…more time for me then. I spilled my art supplies on the floor and started to construct a view finder. It was ridiculously demanding and I was sweating and cursing but I loved it. At 10.30 pm David strolls in with the house shopping (really at 10.30?!!), tiptoes across the mess ive made on the floor and informs me, rather than asking, that he is having four friends over for a few drinks. I was cross with him!!! All my shit was on the floor and I was already half way and if I moved it would mess everything I had been working on. After an argument though, his boys were coming.

Ten minutes later, you could hear loud late night revelries from the parking lot. Surely I hadn’t even moved my stuff. A second later the door bell rang and a huge influx of youth splurged into the living room. This wasn’t four people. This was more like fourteen people!!!
Everyone was nice though, even the drunkish girl who walked over me rushing to the toilet as I was tried to pick up my art supplies. A few minutes later David was pouring me a drink and I was in on the fun. Well kinda… I decided to sit on the dining table away from the ‘celebrations’. A couple of times though a bunch of them would come and make small talk with me, which was cool.

I needed a cigarette. I went to the balcony. There was three guys sitting on the couch there but I couldn’t really see their faces because it was pitch black. How many fucking people are there here!

“Hi, I’m Garry,” the one on the furthest left said halfway standing up. And then the other two follwed.

“Hi… Hi… Hi… I’m Purple, David’s sister” I responded smiling.

I decided I was going to smoke on the other balcony at the back of the house behind the kitchen and made some lame excuse why. I didn’t want to smoke in front of these kids.

So I left.

As I sat on the stool at the back of the house and puffed away, I thought about Gary. Briefly. I didn’t see his face but he felt, over powering – to me. He had a huge frame and a deep voice. I lost trail of that thought and thought about David…his friends were really cool. They had already made me laugh so much in a span of like 30 min .

When I got back in, I saw Garry standing by the TV and my gaze froze. He was this might huge guy with a beautiful smile and dark skin. The way his eyes nose and mouth were placed on his face was just….amazing. He caught me staring and like I had been stung in my eye I turned away.

At some point, I went to the kitchen to refill. Garry walked in behind me and sat on the counter without invitation. He said hello, again, and I smiled… “Hey” and stopped my self from almost saying “kiddo!”

“So your David’s younger sister?” he asked.

“No, elder sister.” I smiled trying not to blush.

“oh really! So you’re the one he had to check with before we could come here?”

“Is that what he said he was doing?” I asked

“Yeah… Just before we came.”

As we spoke some more it turned out he was older than me. The girl who rushed into the bathroom and some other guy in the house were his siblings and he met my brother through them.

I watched him smile as he spoke, looking at how his mouth burst into a smile when I said something funny… His shoulders were so wide. I thought about lying on his chest. And his lips were full and unmistakably African. My mind was already racing to the future… he’s perfect, I thought. He laughed again and his deep voiced, almost childish laughter choired in my ears. I fell for him instantly. And he was flirting! What was that he said about my smile? That he liked it?

And just then, this girl walked into the kitchen and walked towards Garry. She placed her hands on his lap and they started to have this conversation. At this point one of David’s friends was yelling for me to go to the living room with the bottle of vodka. I obeyed immediately and walked away. I saw from the corner of my eye Garry follow me out of the kitchen with his gaze.

That girl must be his girlfriend, I thought. She was skinny and tall and had braces. She clad in a tight skimpy black dress and what seemed like ten inch heels.
Shame on him for flirting with me while his babe was around! I had seen them talk earlier and jump up to the same music.

I carried my drink to my room and sipped in agony. I asked God why he would bring such a handsome man on the path of my life and have him taken. I was upset more so because I had nobody. I had never been single for so long. Its been months!! And months.

I dozed off and woke up to a less noisy house. It was around 1 am. I went to the living room and found David and his two best friends, *shiko and *john in the living room laughing drunkedly. I asked where everyone was. What I really wanted to ask was where Gary was. My brother said that they went home. Oh well okay. I took a shower and after that, David came knocking on my door asking if I wanted to go to the rave with them. No way hozay, I said. Shiko and John then peeped into the room… come on David’s Big sis, lets just goooo. Im flyiying out tomorrow come on, John pleaded. I was adamant. I wasn’t going. But they wouldn’t budge. So I said okay okay but if I get bored im coming home! David was so excited. My brother and me and are only close when it comes to movies so seeing him excited to want to hang out with me made want to go.

Psys will always be Psys. Crowded, Loud music, hot, and familiar faces. That feeling of dread started to creep up on me. I shook it off. Can I atleast try and enjoy myself! I stood in the sea of people and thought how nice my bed would feel… and then I saw him. Garry. My heart did a BOOM BOOM BOOM BAM!!! There he was at the back in his black Chuck Bass jacket looking like a demigod. My god you are so handsome, I whispered to myself. Omigod this is fate. And then I saw Braces Babe appear next to him. Argh this chik!!! I double checked my outfit and pursed my lips trying to spread my red lip gloss. I tried to make him notice me by standing right in front of his eye level.
David suddenly shouted in my ear, distracting my thoughts, “there is Melany!” I had called her before leaving the house to ask her where she was just in case my brothers’ friends bored me. We had decided to meet up at Psys. I rushed to her and we hugged and I shouted in her ear, “I have just seen the most beautiful man in the world. She shouted back “WHEEEEEERE!!!” and I pulled her behind me and stood about three feet away from Garry with my back towards him. Facing Melany, I said “ this guy, right here” I pointed behind me, “…with the black jacket…”

Melany frowned, “This guy???!!!”
She was pointing right above my shoulder.
“I know this guy!!!” she shouted.
He was here, saying hello to Melany. They hugged. And then he looked at me. I could swear to God he looked at me with warm romantic eyes yah!
Just go with the flow its how I felt. And then he hugged me. My body vapourized. Oh lawd he was so big. I want to marry you. What did you say? Nice to see you? Where did you go, you left me in the kitchen?

Whaaaaaat? I asked!!

“You look sexy, I like your red mini dress”….!

“OHHHHH , Thanks.” I blushed until the inside of my vagina.

“Lets go outside its too hot in here!” he yelled

“Okay” I yelled back. “Wait what about your girlfriend?”

“Who?”

“that girl with the braces? And long hair? Black dress?”

“Oh *Mary!!! My COUSIN!”

“Your cousin?!”

“Are you saying I’m incestuous?!” he joked

“No!!!” I laughed!

He held my hand and led me outside. Behind him, I felt like a feather; light as air. I was looking at how his jeans lay on his butt. Omigod, this guy…!

We got to his car…

“Back seat?” he asked

“What?” I responded.

“Yeah, I lets talk” he said. No expression.

“Well I though you meant outside. On the side walk…”

“Come on, its okay” he said.

“hey look, im not some babe your gana, you know… at the back of a car.!”

“Okay… But I just wanna talk… I want to get to know you. We’ll sit in front then,”

I didn’t want to be pushy so I got in. But I couldn’t help but think that he was just like every other guy. I was not pleased.

10 minutes into talking though, we were getting along. He was so nice to talk to and he laughed at my jokes. I ramble sometimes… and he told me about himself and what he does. We taaaaaaaaalked and talked. About relationships, lust, school, movies fashion! And finally when I was comfortable, he leaned in for a kiss.
I melted like butter on toast.
We made out. And I mean made out. His demeanour was so large. He made the car feel cramped, that turned me on. He lifted me to the passenger’s side. Everything was so soft and slow and deep. And then he said, “ You know we really click…”
“yeah I guess”, I said trying to act indifferent. And he was like “where have you been all holiday?” woooo rooomance!!!
I started to panic cuz of the cops that normally come and bust people doing it in the car so I asked him to stop.

I walked back to the club to fix my hair and was hit by the familiar heat wave from the dance floor. When I found Garry again, he was waiting for me. We sat somewhere.

Did I mention that this was his last nigh in Kenya? That he was leaving for Melbourne Australia the next day ay 11pm? No?

I was devastated but too happy to mourn.
I asked if I was going to see him the next day at least to say goodbye. He said that he had to take his folks to church in the morning and then there’s a family lunch in the afternoon and then there’s I donno what in the evening and he needs to pack and his folks would be cross with him if disappeared on his last day.

“Well, if you really want to seeme like you say you do, you’ll find a way…”

My brother came to us and said that him and two other ppl were going to finish up the night at our place. He asked if I was coming with him. I said yeah of course and started to stand up.
Garry held my hand and asked me to stay “I’ll take you home Purple”
.
“No, why don’t you come over we hang out at my house?”

“ Okay, I’ll come but can I drive with you? In my car?”

“Yeah sure if we ‘re leaving now…” I said hoping that he would say yes. I didn’t want to let him go but also not wanting to give in too easy.

“okay.” He stood up and kissed me.

In the car was him, me and braces babe. She was very young. My brother’s age. Well im 22 and shes 19 so to me that’s youuuung. Garry had to drop her home. And then we would go to my house. It turned out she lives on the same street as Baby did.

As we were driving away from Brace Babes house approaching the main road, Garry said
“I live right across the road. We can go over to my house and hang out…I’ll bring u home in the cox.”

“Are you fucking kidding me!!! All this was cuz you wanted to chipo me?!!!” I was furious!!!
“No! your house is 2 min away from here I just thought that we can stay at mine for a little bit since your bro went with a mob back to your house…!”
“Take me home.”
“Come on, baby (I was baby now). It’s my last night… I just want to spend time with you.”
And then the flash of the cartoon/animation movies of the terrier dog and poodle was it, came to mind. There was this scene, it was the terrier’s last night; he was going to be put to sleep the next day. And he used this line to get the poodle to sleep with him. Or was it that movie with the dogs that talk, Look Who’s Talking?

“Oh coz its your last night your looking for a quick shag?!”

“No. I just want to cuddle. Didn’t you say you felt it too… this energy between us?” he said, all Barry White voiced.

“No way. Home. Please. If you want to see me, you can come tomorrow. If you don’t come well then there was no energy. Me I’m not a chipo, Wat the hell”

“Okay…. Fine. To your house then…” he said, sad.
He started the car.

“Wait…” his reverse psychology was working…

“Purple, I just want more time with you. Alone…” he said reinforcing his plea

“Okay…”

Without another word the car roared to life and we crossed the road straight to the other side.
2 minutes really was 2 minutes. More like 30 seconds. His house was right there. And it was BIG. It was pitch black but I could see the white of the house reflecting from the moonlight. We walked around a couple of corners. At the back of a wall he turned towards me and pinned me on the bricks and we kissed. My heart was beating so fast I thought I would run out of breath. He pressed onto me and I felt his erection. I was moist in my panties. Cuddling my ass!

He took my hand again and led me across this lawn to like a guest house. Out of nowhere, five dogs hopped towards us. “Shit theyre ganna bark!!!” I hissed.
“No, the wont.”
They licked my naked legs and one of them hopped onto Garry. He laughed. I fell even more for this man. Those of you who know me know my love for animals. He tried to shoo them away but they followed us to the door, also not making a sound as if they could tell that we were trying to be quiet.

Once in the house/room, Garry hugged me and said… “If you don’t want to do anything, we wont.” I didn’t respond. Of course this meant, I want us to fuck.

All I will say is that the rest is history.

This ginourmous man blanketed me. He was strong. Like a gentle beast. And everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever wrote about on my wish list to the universe, everything I dreamed about during boring meetings at work, everything.

At 9am, in his arms, we were woken up by a knock on the window. “GAARRRY! Weh, Garry get the fuck up.”
I was the first to wake up. I shook him to consciousness. “Whaaaat Sam!” Gary’s voice broke.
It was his little brother. He was telling Garry that he needed to wake up because he was taking everyone to church that day. And that he should remember that Mom wanted to talk to him about something important that day over lunch. Also, he should remember how he tells his little brother to be responsible and that now it was his turn to act responsibly.

“Shut up Sammy” He yelled from the bed. It was comical really. I looked at my watch. If my folks had been home there is no wayyyy I would have spent the night there. Another reason why I thought this was fate. If not fate at least something close.
“Tell her I’m not home and go away man”
“No I want to skive church! I’ve just come from Westy man. You take them to church and let me sleep here.” Sammy said into the window. In a family of eight children, I guess one kid missing from church could go unnoticed.
Garry woke up and marched to the window. One can’t see the bed from that specific window by the way… I then heard him hiss “I have a girl here okay, fuck off!”
And then Sammy’s voice tones down to a whisper too and I heard muffled laughter and slapping around. And whats that noise? Are those condoms being passed over.

Back in bed, on his wide chest, I tried to savour the moment. We started to chat.
It started to get emotional. He asked me if I would wait for him if he asked me too. I said yes. He went back and said that asking me to do that for him would be selfish… I said it felt like we knew each other for ages. He couldn’t agree more. After about an hour of trying to figure things out, I realised I was very much into this guy. My heart was already in love with him. Maybe not real love, but you know, fallacy love. My mind was fond of him. He asked me, how much I felt for him. I said 9, on a scale of 1 to 10. He said, “get to 11 baby. I’ll be waiting”

After everybody was in church, we walked out.

This was the first time I had ever been chipod. I was a chips funga and this right here to the car in my red mini dress in the scorching of the Sunday sun was my walk of shame. Garry opened for me the door and kissed me and then looked at me. He started to walk away and I pulled him back to me. “Please stay. You don’t start school till March right?”
“ I have to go. I need to work baby.”
He turned around and went to the driver’s seat.
We spoke very little on the way to my house. I held his hand but he seemed unresponsive. What the hell was wrong with him? Is this how chiboz are dumped? Oh god I should have known.
We got to my house. I’ll call you baby. He kissed me goodbye and left.

At 2pm, I went to Masai market and started to pick out stuff to give Garry. I know he said we couldn’t meet but I couldn’t sleep and I was thinking about him all day. Maybe I can give Daisy this stuff and shell mail it to him once she gets to Adelaide (Australia).
I bought a Tusker tshit, A ‘Proudly Kenyan’ Tshit and a key holder. Then I went home. I took a shower and went to bed. Garry Garry Garry Garry, that was what was in my head.

At 4.30pm, my cell rang. “Are you at home Baby?”
His voice thrust me into complete happiness! “YES YES I am…”
“I’m a minute from your house”
“Really?!!!”
“yeah?... I told you I’d come.”
“No you didn’t!”
“Yes I did” he was laughing. Oh that sweet laugh.
Whatever okay im home.

He walked into my bedroom and I planted the hugest kiss on him!

I showed him his presents. He was so excited about the Tshirts. Especially the Tusker one saying that they were like gold in Australia. We cuddled in bed for a long time talking.

We made love again and again.

His flight was at 11 pm. He was meant to be at the airport by 8pm. At 7.15pm he was in my arms and I was kissing the scars on his face when his phone rang for the a millionth time.
That was when we realised the time. He hadn’t even packed!

“Please stay!” I begged.
“I can’t baby!!!”

We hugged and held each other. I told him I could wait for him. He said that he cant let me do that because 11 months was a long time.
He asked me if I would be feeling him like this if he wasn’t leaving in 3 hours. I didn’t know what he was talking about. Of course I would! There is absolutely nothing about you that I do not like (wanted to say love). You’re perfect. But I know he was right. I am very stingy with guys and I play hard to get. I don’t approach, I wait to be approached etc etc… all these female empowerment books, I lived by them like they were my bible. But Gary was different. I didn’t care that I was begging him to stay. And I had never fallen this fast for anyone.

I walked him to his car. My brother was all awkward cuz this was his boy. Ok whatever.
We kissed. Not like we kissed in the bedroom. A quick, awkward kiss. And he disappeared. Gone.

I went to have a shower and I cried my lungs out. I cried so hard that my throat became sore. I thanked God for bringing Gary into my life but cursed Him for taking him away. I cried. I cried and cried. One hour later, I resurrected from the steam in the shower and went to bed.


I got a text from him, “That was the best 24 hours I have ever had”

I wanted to say, I LOVE YOU, don’t go, but I replied “I feel the same. Call me at the airport love”

We talked until the very last minute. And finally he texted and said, “Taking off with your heart, My Queen”.

I will never delete his messages from my phone.

I spent the next day, Monday 10th telling Daisy all about him. She was shocked. She couldn’t believe all this had happened. Every sentence had Gary in it. Every hour I checked my phone to see if he had called me from Bangkok where he connected his flight. I was resuming work on Tuesday the following day.

I was replaying every moment with him over and over. I looked at the pics we took before bed. I woke up wearing his jumper.

I went to work humming his name.

I need to snap out of this shit man. He’s gone. But I couldn’t.

Three hours ago, I was on my way home from work. Its Tuesday evening. My phone vibrated in my bag. I recognised the number, it was Australian. I screamed for the tout to stop fucking the car. I jumped out.
I picked up the phone

“HELLO!!!!!”

“Hey baby…”

“Gary!!!!” I shouted. I crossed the road and got into Jivanjee Gardens. Crazy how I crossed the road.
The first thing he said was “Dew, I’ve missed you so much”
Did he just call me Dew? That was my middle tribes name. My heart. Oh my heart. The way I felt when he said those words.

I was so happy to hear his voice.

After asking me how my day was, he said, I want to ask you something but you have to think about it okay…
“Okay”
“Purple I want you to be my girl…”
“Omigod whaaat!”
“Just think about it okay…”
“Okaay!!!!”
“cuz its gana be hard baby… if you want to, its gana be hard.”
“I knoooow… Omigod”
“I want to pay for a ticket for you to come here!”
“OH Christ Gary!”
“I haven’t even called my folks you know. I just landed. I miss you. Youre the only person I thought about for the entire flight. Do you want to be with me? Cuz if youre ready im ready.” Etc etc etc etc

I was so happy!
Oh shit I cant believe this.

Im in a spin right now.

With Love,
Purple

Forever & Ever mode

I dated Baby, my first love (note: not the love of my life) for three years. Before that, dating back to the onset of puberty, I was never really alone. My first boyfriend was Malcolm in Std 7, then I-Still-Have-a-Crush-On-You (ISHACOU) in class 8...
(A Little History on That…)
He played basketball, he was smart, he was swaaag...he was the beginning of 'my Type'; my definition of a hot guy. We were almost like best friends in STD 4&5 where we were deskies...and 2 years is a long time. But from class 6, we became sworn enemies. We didn’t speak, not even a hello, until class 8.
What happened? I donno. Hormones, I think. No, really, it was.

On the first day of Std 6, the three 6th grade classes were shuffled. ISHACOU n i ended up in the same class thank God. After the shuffle though, people were weird around each other cuz these three different classes, all of the same grade, that were now mix matched with each other were like three different cultures.

Green class was rowdy, barbaric, noisemakers, the boys mixed with the girls, the girls beat the boys up, and was always 2nd (sometimes 3rd) in grade performance. Up until Uni, these were the only two years I enjoyed school.

Red Class was full of those plastic girls. The ones who wore make up and talked about that Spanish guy from Sunset Beach in high pitched voices. In this class, boys and girls didn’t talk or play 'Hicho' or share lunch. In this class it was all, "Nancy & Jacob, sittin on a tree..." I hated this class!

And then there was Yellow class. They were okay. This class was just full of chops (smart kids/geeks). Boys and girls were awkward with each other... and really that’s all I remember.

In my mind as a 10 year old, this was how it looked to me. And I still remember it the same way! Its funny lol.

I was in Green Class/House. And so was ISHACOU.
After the shuffling, ISHACOU and I ended up in the same class. YELLOW. But cuz everyone was new to each other, it was all weird. Green girls were talking to yellow boys and their eyes would pop and they’d freeze when we tapped their shoulders. Oh gosh like that day I asked Omollo for masking tape and Jonathan looked at me like I was an alien. We couldn’t play, we couldn’t eat lunch together, ISHACOU was sitting far from me... I had to make new friends, it was weird.
And then one time, ISHACOU and I had not talked in forever cuz I mean, it was taboo, and when I made a teasy joke to him, he answered me back, like RUDELY and all the other boys BURST out laughing. He was friends with these aliens now. Dude I was so embarrassed. So I got mad and didn’t speak to him and he didn’t speak to me. For 2 years.
And then in class 8:-), he came to school with tones of junk food (from some party they had at his house). Everyone in class was surrounding his desk hoping to get a pack of masala sticks, lollipops, crisps or firecrackers. (He sat to my left, two desks in front). I just sat my desk alone eating my sandwich. Nobody asked me why I wasn’t tryna get sth from ISHACOU cuz they knew we didn’t talk. And then, I heard him shout amidst the commotion, "Purple, catch!" I didn’t even see it coming. ISHACOU had been swallowed by the crowd...I couldn’t see him; but then a packet of crisps landed on my desk. And EVERYONE turned their heads to see the crisps land on my desk like "omigod did he just do that??!! Does he have a crush on her? Are they going to date now?"

Well as history shows, it was YES, YES and YES :-)
And then when I was in high school, form 1, he flew to the USA.

In from 2 there was this guy called Alex. Dude, I just remembered him. He was Large! I mean BIG mUSCLES and tall. He wrote me often and we spent every single day of my holidays together. I’m blushing just remembering. When we were in lines at the movies or at fast food restaurants he would hold me on my waist from behind. And when we were in church standing up during prayer, I would feel the print of his huge palm on my back. One time I felt his erection when he hugged me goodnight outside my house *blush*
And then that ended. Frankly, I don’t remember how.

And then I met *Jason. I became his official girlfriend. (There were other random ppl in between before Jason & Alex but nothing legit). As I was dating Jason, the plutonic relationship between *Simon and I started to grow. Every Sunday we met at the sports club. We'd eat or watch a game of soccer. And then when dark fell, he would take me to the tennis court, underneath the bleachers and we would make out and touch each other in places even I had never touched. And so I decided to break up with *Jason. I was crazy about Simon. I thought he was crazy about me too. But one day, he sent me a message. I had been waiting all afternoon for him at our usual spot on Sunday. I think it was sometime during my midterm break.The txt message went something like:

I am studying now for my KCSE and I need to focus. Lales cant be a part of my life at the moment.

I asked his younger brother, who was sitting next to me, what 'Lales' meant, and he said, "it means chiks man! (haha)...boarding school is that rough eh?" I have never forgotten this moment. The way my heart felt.
He stopped texting, stopped writing, stopped everything.
In form 4, I met *Theodore. I had liked him for a long time but I thought he wouldn’t be interested in me cuz at the time he dated some chik who looked like she belonged on the set of 'mean girls' and I was nothing like her.
But as it turned out, he liked me. That year, he took me to Safari Sevens; my first time to go. He was the rugby captain of his high school team and this I guess gave him access to sevenz cuz we didn’t pay. He was REALLY HOT. I mean, he’s the hottest guy I have ever dated to date. He's got a chisel cut face with a strong chin and a confident nose. He's got good height, he's body is tight and built. He’s a pretty boy. A very masculine pretty boy. Like Zack Effron, Mathew MCconaughey hot. Get it? But he was also the dumbest. Completely blonde. Couldn’t make conversation, couldn’t watch a movie together, couldn’t laugh at the same jokes, couldn’t study together... So after KCSE, we broke up.

Right after that there was Fattyfat, then Funny guy, Smelly Wally, So sexy, then *Tommy, Pussy Wagon and finally Baby.

It is therefore objectively correct to conclude that I have never really been alone. Not like this year of 2010, no. This is not my territory. I’m just camping here.
So when things like those I am about to describe happen, it’s just nature’s way of telling me that "this is where you are supposed to be." (in a rshp)

When I was with Motor Cycle guy (shudder), there was this time I was leaving his house. It was raining and I was in a rush. I kissed him and quickly without a second thought said "bye I love you." I FROZE. He noticed. He immediately begins to dilute the tension. "No no it’s okay..." And I’m like "no no no no I didnt-thats not what I-I don’t love you!" I blurted. And then he started to act hurt... like make awkward faces and pinch the bridge of his nose. Dude, I say I love you, it’s awkward. I say I don’t love you, you’re Mad.???
I asked myself over and over and over why, even in the remotest of situations, that ever came out of my mouth. I was like on "forever & ever" mode. That's what I deduced. I have a mode. A mode which if turned on, by my immediate environment eg. Slow Norah Jones music, a starry night, a rainy sunset, I become this person; in love, happy, yes I will be your wife... you knooow... like, I switch from reality to Romantic Comedy.
Last Saturday, I was with MG. We were in my neighbourhood...shoud i say our neighborhood, in a bar-restaurant with his friends (hilarious guys) and one of my best friends and her friend. We must have spoken like three times only the whole afternoon cuz the table was flowing with conversation and he and I were mostly the audience. I mean we hang out all the time, me and MG. That’s just how I decided we r ganna be. No Black or White, No strings, No complications. He was sitting next to me and the whole scene was like the one from Eat Pray Love when Julia Roberts and her Italian friends were having lunch in the open Roman city and it was all happy go lucky. So I guess that put me in forever & ever mode?
Cuz when I was leaving I said to MG, "I love you"...
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUck!
"For Real?" His eyes were twinkling!
What the hell is wrong with me?
I’m telling you, this might sound crazy and non-credible, but it happens. These words, they just slide from my mouth. My eyes can see them slide down my tongue into the world with their hands up in the air as they shout "weeeeeee" down my toungue. And by the time my hands can clump my jaws shut the words have escaped and glided into the ears of person X and in a few seconds I can see them have a party in persons X's eyes.
I DON’T LOVE MG. I don’t. I don’t. If you haven’t noticed, allow me to point out that he only appears into my life when there is no one. And even so, not as a love interest. I don’t fantasize about him, or think about making love to him...or like, being with him. At all. I just like him.
You know after I went thru that heartbreak (or sth) after reading “the White Masai’ I have come to the conclusion that I don’t have normal, text book emotional tendencies.
So anyway, here I was, having told him that. I was so confused. I was now in Reality Mode.
When he was walking to his car he turned around and gave me this blushy smile. I smiled back. On my way home, he called and asked me if we could talk. Oh shit. He never calls me unless hes asking for a plan.
Note to self: Be aware of “forever & ever mode’.

SINGLE GURL PERKS

Okay.
I love being single . I do. It’s the dating that sucks. The single part can suck too; when you’re all alone at night and it’s raining outside and D’angelo’s tunes are playing. So allow me to rephrase. I LIKE being single.

I know I said I would continue with The Pillars of my Life but I got lost somewhere in this thing called life.
But for one, I finally left that dreadful job euuuuuugh!!! And I got another job which I LOVE. Thank you GOD! I really have never thanked God so much in my life.
And, I left Motor Cycle guy. No regrets, although I realized that he is a bit of a jerk. Break ups reveal these things in people.

So I’m a single gal again . (MG is still somewhere as a silhouette in my life. (*no comment)

As I was handing in my resignation papers in Diabetes Limited, a guy came up and introduced himself as *Bono. He said he would like my number. I wasn’t really feeling it. I’m into love at first sight nini nini. Or at least, heart-doing-flip-flops at first sight nini nini. I gave him my number. He wasn’t so bad; nice sense of humour.
Immediately I walked out of that dreadful building, free as a bird, I got a text from Bono. Something like “So are you ganna talk to me?” Okay, ‘?????’ whats this guy talking about. I didn’t reply. I was busy anyway. I was to start my new job in three days and I needed to shop for office cloz, get my certificate from Uni blah blah blah.
Two weeks later though, he called… I was like “who is *bono,” when I read the caller ID. He asked if we could meet up for lunch. It was a Saturday afternoon and I had to go for a fitting for a dress to my cousin’s wedding. So I told him I was busy till around 5. He says, “Okay then lets meet up for a drink after”… I reluctantly said yes. It’s our first date. A bar, really? I had enough of that kind of scene for 3years with Baby (ex,~Loooooved him). But nonetheless, I was bored and I thought, “it is a sato anyway, so what the hell. This could wound up being my boyfriend.”
At 8pm, *Bono came for me. We had decided to postpone to night time. He was parked outside our apartment complex. I wondered why he didn’t drive in. He didn’t mind that I had to walk up the hill? Okay, whatever.
I’m talking to my BFF telling her that I am on my way to Tamasha as I walk out of the gate. There were two cars parked there and one, I assumed was a cab. There was a guy in a huge ( like down to your knees huge) yellow anorak askari (watchman) jacket standing next to one of the cars waiting for someone. I assumed he was a cab guy and passed him. I was busy on the phone heading towards the second parked car that only had its headlights on when I heard the guy in the jacket call out my name.
Turning around I realized it was *Bono. I froze and *Puppy (BFF) was all “hello??” on the other side of the phone.
OMG. I was so embarrassed! I rushed to hug him and apologized. He said, “looks like I don’t look like who your waiting for”… Totally ignored that and went to the passenger’s side.

Thank goodness he was easy to talk to. Here I was all dolled up, while *Bono clad in a huuuge jacket and I don’t know what else (I couldn’t see past the jacket) and what is this? Is he high? He spoke loosely and his eyes popped out of his eye sockets, bloodshot red, focusing on the road. He leaned so close to the steering wheel that his back was hunched. It was dark so I only saw this from the lights of an approaching car. What the hell.
Then he made a comment about my dress. Something about unbuttoning it and I don’t know what. That was it. No way, no how.
We stopped at an atm. He was withdrawing money. I called BFF. Told her to come save me. “Just come to Tamasha for like an hour and chill with us then say you have to go and I must come with you…!!!” I implored. She hesitated but said she would come through.
At Tamasha, (which later turned out to be buffet park…the side for wababaz,) *Bono ordered a quarter of Viceroy, and a double Vat for me. Yeah, a whole bottie for himself. TELLER WARNING ALERT NO.1.
He took off his Eskimo jacket. He was sweating (no shit!) … underneath he clad nice. A soccer jersey and jeans. Shoes; naaah. (we all do this as girls, I mean, it was the first date). *Bono was clearly high, and used such little coke to chase his triple shots a glass.
The conversation was forced and I was mostly nervous because he kept touching my knee (shudder) but he was having a great time!
Anyway, BFF was there in 30 minutes and the plan worked. *Bono had already cleared his bottie.
*note to self, no Bar – first dates.

I read this book, "The White Masaai".



It's had an unusual effect on me. I've become depressed and heartbroken.

The story is about a Swiss girl who came on holiday in the late 80's in Mombasa and fell deeply in love with a Masai she met on the likoni ferry. She says that she fell in love the second she saw him. It was that kind of soul pierceing, heart stopping "my life is bout to change" kind of love. She even says in an interview i read online that it was not a good feeling. She knew that what she felt would change her life. Lketinga was very tall and dark skinned wearing the full masaai warrior rigalia, with a strong handsome face looking as she writes, like a god.
He was good natured and kind hearted and after going back to swittzerland after her holiday she gives up her whole life there to come back and be with him.

The story is extremelly moving and Corrine Hofmann's ability to vividly describe events glues you to the every page. I finished the book in two sittings and became obsessed to find out what happened next. I discovered there was a sequel. I bought it the next day even coming to work late just so that I could wait for the bookstore to open.



I wish I didnt buy the sequel(s)... Because after that, I have been going through what feels like a heartbreak. Its terrible. Three days now, I cant get the story out of my head. Lketinga still lives here in samburu. Im overcome with tears when I think about the kind of life he lives and the fact that he is not with Corrine and their daughter Napirai. How Silly is that???

The last time I was like this was a year ago after i left Baby. I dont see the connection really cuz im sure i mourned him. And I dont love this man anymore.

I fell in love with the story of Corrine and Lketinga. I really did. And now its like I am having my heart broken cuz it 'didnt work out'. And the sad ending, I cant get over it. This is so unsual.

With love,
Purple.

Let me begin with the string of events that have occurred on my way to this computer...
Its about 25 degrees outside and walking in CBD at this time of day in this heat competing for sidewalk space with equally agitated civilians is not usually the best backdrop for me just before I am about to post a blog. Nonetheless, I have too many circusing thoughts and i need to lay them down here to release my mind of this over crowdedness.

I was standing on a cross roads (literally) thinking of the best aerated cyber in CBD that I can blog in before my lunch hour ended. For days I have been too tired to reach out for my laptop when I get home in the evening. Just as I was thinking about *Kent (work mate) and his favorite cyber in CBD, he leaps out right in front of me as if he was standing by the streetlight waiting for me to show up. Suddenly I can smile and laugh and make small talk of how he was just on my mind when he appeared; I had been having one of those gloomy I-hate-my-job mornings and i just didn't feel like being happy...intentionally, because the reality of my stinking job would not change the next day. But *Kent's infectious joy was able to erode all this melancholy. Just the other day I was in the same state of gloom when *Kent was sitting next to me at a meeting which we were waiting for to commence in this huge warehouse of a room with one air fan and repulsing hot air. I was slightly rude to him when he asked me what the matter was, stating that I was not my usual happy self that day. Why couldn't he see that I couldn't keep up with his upbeat, slightly childish and sometimes annoying Joy? And still after that, he was nice to me. Trying to break a smile out of me.

We crossed the road happily hand in hand; plutonically, as he made a joke, i think. I was laughing anyway. And then *Janice, my former workmate who left the company I am working for cuz she simply "isn't cut out for this shit", walked up to me with a huge smile on her face. "Purple!!!! Hiiiiiiiiii...!!!!!!"
I was so happy to see her! She was my source of happiness during my first days working for "Diabetes Limited (DL)"(not the real name) and I was extremely sad the day she left the company just three weeks after. She looked great and was "in a rush" to go and buy a pair of shoes she had left a down payment for a week before and was just horrified that the sales clerk might have sold them because she had taken too long go back and buy them. We promised each other we would hook up. *Kent had walked away. We had taken too long (15minutes) catching up and he was heading home (skiving jobo).

Just as I was watching *janice disappear round the corner, I heard my name being called out. My middle, home tribe name...(what do u call those??). I didnt respond at first cuz thats not a name that registers in my mind when I am not at home. I turned my head 2 seconds late and saw a middle aged man behind me waving frantically from inside a small firmiliar silver car. *Antony!!! my brain suddenly yelled. It was my cab guy. LOL. Heis usually stationed right outside our apartments at home and I saw him like an Uncle. He always spoke to me in vernacular stating that it was extremely important that I know how to speak in my mother tongue. I could understand the language but when it came to me forming sentences of my own, my brain just went on lock. *Antony was an old fashioned conservative kind of man with a heart of gold (cheap cab rides!!) who ironically listened to urban music, even if he couldn't sing along for the life of him. Every time i got into his car, he was listening to kiss100 or easyfm. He said to me once in Kiswahili that he enjoyed MY kind of music. Maybe he didn't, maybe he just wanted to connect with me and lied to create some kind of common ground between us so that I wouldn't haggle so much over cab fare haha.

By the time I was approaching the cyber my mood was up 150%. I was 100 km away from sadness. And then!!! an aunt of mine walks past me (she saw me i didnt see her) and shrieks my home name. Again I take a little longer than usual to respond to this call. She's sweaty and beat... looks like she just walked from muthurwa to town at 120 steps per minute. She's happy to see me all the same and asks me to hang in there (in reference to my job) and then she's off. Shes a friend of my mom's. Not my real aunt.

Its rare happenings like these that make me think that the universe is trying to send me a message. Like, "you are not alone. See all these people who love you that I just spontaneously sent to bump into you?" or "You can quit your job and still be as happy as *Janice, or end up as hassled looking as your aunt". Dude, I don't know. at least Im not so gloomy anymore. Also, it could be because im reading a very intuitive book. And so my messages to the Universe are translated with immediate effect. So all this weird/unusual stuff (unusual to me) is happening.

I might not have enough time to write about what I really wanted to today cuz my lunch break is almost over now and im 30 minutes behind schedule in sending those fucking orders.. so let me try to be brief and non explanatory.

The three most important things in my life are My Career, My Love life and My health. (family and friends fall into love life). In my mind, they appear like three big Greek pillars and on top of these pillars is the world. Sorrounded by clouds and blue skies. The 'world' is me, i think. Anyway this is how they appear in my mind. Right now, none of these pillars is where I want them to be. I have ten minutes to the end of lunch break... mmmh where should i begin.

Motor cycle guy is just amazing. I even feel like deleting my previous blog because i read all his signs wrong. He is gentle and caring and sympathetic and motivated and into me and 'you have been the woman of my dreams since I met you three years a go' ish.
I think I am incapable of loving at this point. My heart and mind are pretty made up. They're just sitting there with their arms crossed across their chests waiting for me to freaking leave the guy already!!!. After I left baby, my ex whom I loved to the death of me, Im just thinking that i haven't had a stable relationship since then! And look, I just recently realized this. I have been knowing that everything is going great and i just hadn't met someone I want to settle down with yet. After Baby, there was Brit (former blogs). He was amaaaazing!!! the perfect escape from my toxic, chokingly consuming former relationship with baby. He was everything I wanted in a man. Frankly, everything that Baby wasn't and I wanted him to be. He took my breath away with how he spoke, how he touched me, how he &*$3^@ me, how he cooked... But then I couldn't stay.

And then there was this thing that until now i cant explain, with MG. The whole affair (lol) gave me writer's block for months and I couldn't write or blog.

Then there was *Alex. He was also a nice guy but too talkative and Sanguine for my liking. He was a great guy tho.

And now, Motor cycle. I was so into him at the beginning. I was even afraid I was falling in love. But now I am almost indifferent to him.And him, he's still treating me like a pearl he found in the ocean. So fuck me for being so ... choosy?stupid?unappreciative?stupid?stupid?stupid.

One thing we need to be clear on though is that I am NOT in love with Baby. I haven't been in over a year. I see him sometimes.We are casual friends and I just see him as my past. Despite all the pain he caused me, it was through him that I knew what I will never tolerate from a man. A standard that i carry like a badge of honor but now I'm starting to see as a limitation. *Sammie (samantha) says that my standards are too high. I refute that. I think they are just rare. I don't need a guy to be stinking rich or devilishly handsome or whatever romantic novel rhapsody you can thank of. But there is a certain few things that i think my man must have before i fully submit to him. And these are not things that i have consciously coined, but have over time developed in my psyche. Like a guy can have these Basic Qualities (like the basic needs in Maslow's hierarchy of needs), and I will fall for him foolishly. And he could be missing the other qualities that i look for in a man, and i am totally fine. Clear now? Like there are attributes which I like to call Basic Qualities that a guy has to have for me to fall for him. Some which I don't even know what to call in language...like swag, or these things that more visually than logically explainable. Anyway, mister motor cycle is lacking a few...
Im thinking that its cuz i hadn't gotten intimate with a man in sooooooo long that maybe i just needed a fix and so thats why my body was playing a trick on my heart making false beliefs that Motor guy is the shit. Making me believe the same. I'm disgusted by this trail of destruction I am leaving behind me...
I gatta run.
We shall continue this later... :) :) :) :)

CAVE AGE ERA MUCH?

Helooo :) :)

Today i have been a very good girl. I got to work on time and i have reached and surpassed my sales target... the stars are surely aligned for me today :)

We didn't end up going for Churchill live on Tuesday, RudeBoyNotsoRide (a.k.a MotorBike guy ~ MB guy) and I cuz of the rain. I thought that that was such a stupid excuse! especially cuz I was already on my way from work to Carnivore when he cancelled. And even if he cancelled and there was a huge down pour, si he should have told me we meet up in CBD instead??? since we both work here...and the whole date was about hanging out with me. Wasn't it?
I was on full HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU defence mode. Dude. I have no more tolerance for crap ~ only and only if i feel and see that you could be the ONE... and even then my crap tolerance level is low. And you will be TOO INTO ME to pull such stunts.

He called back ten minutes later to uncancel the date saying that we can can just go by cab (instead of him going to pick the car from destination-very-far)... Logistics should have been planned effectively prior. He knows he is on thin ice anyway cuz he knows I have been warned against him. So yeah, game up.
I was like, "no no lets just hook up some other time cuz I have already turned around." he knew he had fucked up and that's why he called back.yup yup.

So anyway here's what i wanted to talk about.
On our first date he mentioned how his ex never used to offer to come over and cook for him or anything knowing well that he cant cook and lives alone. I thought 'aww how cute he wants someone to feed him. easy i can do that'... Yesterday he had a headache. He was like, come and massage me nini nini work is killing me... I was like awww get well soon. your probably dehydrated have a glass of water and moniter it, youll be fine.
Today he's like, hope you slept well, wish you could bring me breakfast or better yet, you.

?????

Is it just me or are u also reading into this like he wants a maid~girlfriend~bitch~bendover sorta relationship ?? This isnt the 60s... no mad~men scenario here... i wish you could bring me breakfast?

I dunno, this is weird. And yeah!!! i would love to do this kind of stuff for MY BOYFRIEND. WHO I HAVE FALLEN In LOVE WITH.OVER TIME
I dont think he should be suggesting such stuff after one date! i hardly know him. I don't even know his second name. ai?

I smell a rat.

i donno i dont think im wrong...

its been forever...

Sigh, I cant even really remember where i left things.
Well, Ive got 40 minutes to write this before I'm forced to do get back to work.

The reason I hadn't really been blogging is because of the twisted awkward unusual place I was in my life; love life to be more certain.

Rem Married Guy? otherwise known as MG? ((shaking head in disgrace))...

Despite the fact that my contract with the company we were both working for ended, (meaning I would see less or even non of him) we still used to see each other quite a lot. Mostly on the weekends. Anyway, a lot has happened in between then and now, stuff that's not really worthy of my blog so i wont get into it. But in short, I haven't slept with him, i have kissed him many times, I do NOT have the strong feelings i had for him anymore (i really cannot get passed the wedding ring _no matter how hard i try), and so now I just you know... left the whole thing. well sorta.

Also somewhere in between, i met this guy, Mr. A. haha how weird was that month long relationship-thing. *rolling eyes* dating is really not fun.

I also graduated from UNI yaaaayyyy!!! I miss it so much tho. i just wanna party and not have to think about work the next day. blegh.

And now, there's a new guy. Mr Not-so-rude-rude-boy... Okay so here's the story with him. about three years ago, when I was still in uni (duh), i met him in Black rose's apartment. It was a hangover Friday , as was every Friday in my uni, and i was going to check up on my girls after the previous night's reckless drinking! I noticed him straight away when I stepped into the room.. you know one of those, butterflies at first sight. After he left later on i asked about him... and Black rose and Sassy were like, "Purple dew, you really do have bad boy syndrome. hes not a good guy. and he's also asked about you. what is it with u and falling for assholes"... or something close to that. you get the drift though. And then there was a bunch of other stuff they told me about his past that totally threw me off.

so i lengad the crush and moved on with my dysfunctional relationship with Baby. (reff to former blogs). Anyways, over the past year he has always been asking me out on a date and i have always been giving excuses or bluntly ignoring him when he chats me up on face book. i just didn't want his storo. but i was still atrtracted to him so sometimes i would go back to Black Rose and ask her "what is his issue again?".

Alright so yesterday. he chatts me up as usual and i ignore him as usual. but then this time he says "purple dew why do u always ignore me? M sorry to bother you tho" And im like "im writing an email, relax"... which i wasnt..
and we start to chat up. he asks me out on a date. tells me that I should get to know him, give him a chance, blah blah blah. he plead a good case however. so I chat up Black rose and im like, girl, what was the story with RudeBoyNotRude again?
ANd she says the same stuff.
okay, now this time i know i don't hav an excuse.I am not seeing anyone, I was free in the afternoon and bored as hell at work, so i said, OKay...

My resilience with bad boys has grown tremendously. My girls fail to believe so.

I meet him. Butterflies and everything. He is shorter and smaller that I remembered. Must be all these Idris Elba sex fantasies ive been having; raising my bar really high :)...

I went on this date with my guard as high as the wall of china. I was expecting to meet this arrogant selfish bastard, you know? and im telling you, he was so sweet and shy and awww i was just blown away. Right, but not everything was perfect... I expected to be taken to a nicer more expensive place..*cringe*... Dude im not going to end up in another BRIT-relationship (ref to former blogs)...
Anyway, he lives alone, works, has hopes and ambitions of making it someday. owns a sexy bike, kinda cute... and is going to pick me up today from work so that we can go and watch Churchill live. He got office tickets (he's not buying them :( ... )but at least im going for a live performance right.
All these women empowerment books are not helping a bratha.

so!!! i'm back and and i aint high in crack!! lol

I love you all.

Stay Tuned.
Purple.