Forever & Ever mode

I dated Baby, my first love (note: not the love of my life) for three years. Before that, dating back to the onset of puberty, I was never really alone. My first boyfriend was Malcolm in Std 7, then I-Still-Have-a-Crush-On-You (ISHACOU) in class 8...
(A Little History on That…)
He played basketball, he was smart, he was swaaag...he was the beginning of 'my Type'; my definition of a hot guy. We were almost like best friends in STD 4&5 where we were deskies...and 2 years is a long time. But from class 6, we became sworn enemies. We didn’t speak, not even a hello, until class 8.
What happened? I donno. Hormones, I think. No, really, it was.

On the first day of Std 6, the three 6th grade classes were shuffled. ISHACOU n i ended up in the same class thank God. After the shuffle though, people were weird around each other cuz these three different classes, all of the same grade, that were now mix matched with each other were like three different cultures.

Green class was rowdy, barbaric, noisemakers, the boys mixed with the girls, the girls beat the boys up, and was always 2nd (sometimes 3rd) in grade performance. Up until Uni, these were the only two years I enjoyed school.

Red Class was full of those plastic girls. The ones who wore make up and talked about that Spanish guy from Sunset Beach in high pitched voices. In this class, boys and girls didn’t talk or play 'Hicho' or share lunch. In this class it was all, "Nancy & Jacob, sittin on a tree..." I hated this class!

And then there was Yellow class. They were okay. This class was just full of chops (smart kids/geeks). Boys and girls were awkward with each other... and really that’s all I remember.

In my mind as a 10 year old, this was how it looked to me. And I still remember it the same way! Its funny lol.

I was in Green Class/House. And so was ISHACOU.
After the shuffling, ISHACOU and I ended up in the same class. YELLOW. But cuz everyone was new to each other, it was all weird. Green girls were talking to yellow boys and their eyes would pop and they’d freeze when we tapped their shoulders. Oh gosh like that day I asked Omollo for masking tape and Jonathan looked at me like I was an alien. We couldn’t play, we couldn’t eat lunch together, ISHACOU was sitting far from me... I had to make new friends, it was weird.
And then one time, ISHACOU and I had not talked in forever cuz I mean, it was taboo, and when I made a teasy joke to him, he answered me back, like RUDELY and all the other boys BURST out laughing. He was friends with these aliens now. Dude I was so embarrassed. So I got mad and didn’t speak to him and he didn’t speak to me. For 2 years.
And then in class 8:-), he came to school with tones of junk food (from some party they had at his house). Everyone in class was surrounding his desk hoping to get a pack of masala sticks, lollipops, crisps or firecrackers. (He sat to my left, two desks in front). I just sat my desk alone eating my sandwich. Nobody asked me why I wasn’t tryna get sth from ISHACOU cuz they knew we didn’t talk. And then, I heard him shout amidst the commotion, "Purple, catch!" I didn’t even see it coming. ISHACOU had been swallowed by the crowd...I couldn’t see him; but then a packet of crisps landed on my desk. And EVERYONE turned their heads to see the crisps land on my desk like "omigod did he just do that??!! Does he have a crush on her? Are they going to date now?"

Well as history shows, it was YES, YES and YES :-)
And then when I was in high school, form 1, he flew to the USA.

In from 2 there was this guy called Alex. Dude, I just remembered him. He was Large! I mean BIG mUSCLES and tall. He wrote me often and we spent every single day of my holidays together. I’m blushing just remembering. When we were in lines at the movies or at fast food restaurants he would hold me on my waist from behind. And when we were in church standing up during prayer, I would feel the print of his huge palm on my back. One time I felt his erection when he hugged me goodnight outside my house *blush*
And then that ended. Frankly, I don’t remember how.

And then I met *Jason. I became his official girlfriend. (There were other random ppl in between before Jason & Alex but nothing legit). As I was dating Jason, the plutonic relationship between *Simon and I started to grow. Every Sunday we met at the sports club. We'd eat or watch a game of soccer. And then when dark fell, he would take me to the tennis court, underneath the bleachers and we would make out and touch each other in places even I had never touched. And so I decided to break up with *Jason. I was crazy about Simon. I thought he was crazy about me too. But one day, he sent me a message. I had been waiting all afternoon for him at our usual spot on Sunday. I think it was sometime during my midterm break.The txt message went something like:

I am studying now for my KCSE and I need to focus. Lales cant be a part of my life at the moment.

I asked his younger brother, who was sitting next to me, what 'Lales' meant, and he said, "it means chiks man! (haha)...boarding school is that rough eh?" I have never forgotten this moment. The way my heart felt.
He stopped texting, stopped writing, stopped everything.
In form 4, I met *Theodore. I had liked him for a long time but I thought he wouldn’t be interested in me cuz at the time he dated some chik who looked like she belonged on the set of 'mean girls' and I was nothing like her.
But as it turned out, he liked me. That year, he took me to Safari Sevens; my first time to go. He was the rugby captain of his high school team and this I guess gave him access to sevenz cuz we didn’t pay. He was REALLY HOT. I mean, he’s the hottest guy I have ever dated to date. He's got a chisel cut face with a strong chin and a confident nose. He's got good height, he's body is tight and built. He’s a pretty boy. A very masculine pretty boy. Like Zack Effron, Mathew MCconaughey hot. Get it? But he was also the dumbest. Completely blonde. Couldn’t make conversation, couldn’t watch a movie together, couldn’t laugh at the same jokes, couldn’t study together... So after KCSE, we broke up.

Right after that there was Fattyfat, then Funny guy, Smelly Wally, So sexy, then *Tommy, Pussy Wagon and finally Baby.

It is therefore objectively correct to conclude that I have never really been alone. Not like this year of 2010, no. This is not my territory. I’m just camping here.
So when things like those I am about to describe happen, it’s just nature’s way of telling me that "this is where you are supposed to be." (in a rshp)

When I was with Motor Cycle guy (shudder), there was this time I was leaving his house. It was raining and I was in a rush. I kissed him and quickly without a second thought said "bye I love you." I FROZE. He noticed. He immediately begins to dilute the tension. "No no it’s okay..." And I’m like "no no no no I didnt-thats not what I-I don’t love you!" I blurted. And then he started to act hurt... like make awkward faces and pinch the bridge of his nose. Dude, I say I love you, it’s awkward. I say I don’t love you, you’re Mad.???
I asked myself over and over and over why, even in the remotest of situations, that ever came out of my mouth. I was like on "forever & ever" mode. That's what I deduced. I have a mode. A mode which if turned on, by my immediate environment eg. Slow Norah Jones music, a starry night, a rainy sunset, I become this person; in love, happy, yes I will be your wife... you knooow... like, I switch from reality to Romantic Comedy.
Last Saturday, I was with MG. We were in my neighbourhood...shoud i say our neighborhood, in a bar-restaurant with his friends (hilarious guys) and one of my best friends and her friend. We must have spoken like three times only the whole afternoon cuz the table was flowing with conversation and he and I were mostly the audience. I mean we hang out all the time, me and MG. That’s just how I decided we r ganna be. No Black or White, No strings, No complications. He was sitting next to me and the whole scene was like the one from Eat Pray Love when Julia Roberts and her Italian friends were having lunch in the open Roman city and it was all happy go lucky. So I guess that put me in forever & ever mode?
Cuz when I was leaving I said to MG, "I love you"...
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUck!
"For Real?" His eyes were twinkling!
What the hell is wrong with me?
I’m telling you, this might sound crazy and non-credible, but it happens. These words, they just slide from my mouth. My eyes can see them slide down my tongue into the world with their hands up in the air as they shout "weeeeeee" down my toungue. And by the time my hands can clump my jaws shut the words have escaped and glided into the ears of person X and in a few seconds I can see them have a party in persons X's eyes.
I DON’T LOVE MG. I don’t. I don’t. If you haven’t noticed, allow me to point out that he only appears into my life when there is no one. And even so, not as a love interest. I don’t fantasize about him, or think about making love to him...or like, being with him. At all. I just like him.
You know after I went thru that heartbreak (or sth) after reading “the White Masai’ I have come to the conclusion that I don’t have normal, text book emotional tendencies.
So anyway, here I was, having told him that. I was so confused. I was now in Reality Mode.
When he was walking to his car he turned around and gave me this blushy smile. I smiled back. On my way home, he called and asked me if we could talk. Oh shit. He never calls me unless hes asking for a plan.
Note to self: Be aware of “forever & ever mode’.