I read this book, "The White Masaai".



It's had an unusual effect on me. I've become depressed and heartbroken.

The story is about a Swiss girl who came on holiday in the late 80's in Mombasa and fell deeply in love with a Masai she met on the likoni ferry. She says that she fell in love the second she saw him. It was that kind of soul pierceing, heart stopping "my life is bout to change" kind of love. She even says in an interview i read online that it was not a good feeling. She knew that what she felt would change her life. Lketinga was very tall and dark skinned wearing the full masaai warrior rigalia, with a strong handsome face looking as she writes, like a god.
He was good natured and kind hearted and after going back to swittzerland after her holiday she gives up her whole life there to come back and be with him.

The story is extremelly moving and Corrine Hofmann's ability to vividly describe events glues you to the every page. I finished the book in two sittings and became obsessed to find out what happened next. I discovered there was a sequel. I bought it the next day even coming to work late just so that I could wait for the bookstore to open.



I wish I didnt buy the sequel(s)... Because after that, I have been going through what feels like a heartbreak. Its terrible. Three days now, I cant get the story out of my head. Lketinga still lives here in samburu. Im overcome with tears when I think about the kind of life he lives and the fact that he is not with Corrine and their daughter Napirai. How Silly is that???

The last time I was like this was a year ago after i left Baby. I dont see the connection really cuz im sure i mourned him. And I dont love this man anymore.

I fell in love with the story of Corrine and Lketinga. I really did. And now its like I am having my heart broken cuz it 'didnt work out'. And the sad ending, I cant get over it. This is so unsual.

With love,
Purple.

Let me begin with the string of events that have occurred on my way to this computer...
Its about 25 degrees outside and walking in CBD at this time of day in this heat competing for sidewalk space with equally agitated civilians is not usually the best backdrop for me just before I am about to post a blog. Nonetheless, I have too many circusing thoughts and i need to lay them down here to release my mind of this over crowdedness.

I was standing on a cross roads (literally) thinking of the best aerated cyber in CBD that I can blog in before my lunch hour ended. For days I have been too tired to reach out for my laptop when I get home in the evening. Just as I was thinking about *Kent (work mate) and his favorite cyber in CBD, he leaps out right in front of me as if he was standing by the streetlight waiting for me to show up. Suddenly I can smile and laugh and make small talk of how he was just on my mind when he appeared; I had been having one of those gloomy I-hate-my-job mornings and i just didn't feel like being happy...intentionally, because the reality of my stinking job would not change the next day. But *Kent's infectious joy was able to erode all this melancholy. Just the other day I was in the same state of gloom when *Kent was sitting next to me at a meeting which we were waiting for to commence in this huge warehouse of a room with one air fan and repulsing hot air. I was slightly rude to him when he asked me what the matter was, stating that I was not my usual happy self that day. Why couldn't he see that I couldn't keep up with his upbeat, slightly childish and sometimes annoying Joy? And still after that, he was nice to me. Trying to break a smile out of me.

We crossed the road happily hand in hand; plutonically, as he made a joke, i think. I was laughing anyway. And then *Janice, my former workmate who left the company I am working for cuz she simply "isn't cut out for this shit", walked up to me with a huge smile on her face. "Purple!!!! Hiiiiiiiiii...!!!!!!"
I was so happy to see her! She was my source of happiness during my first days working for "Diabetes Limited (DL)"(not the real name) and I was extremely sad the day she left the company just three weeks after. She looked great and was "in a rush" to go and buy a pair of shoes she had left a down payment for a week before and was just horrified that the sales clerk might have sold them because she had taken too long go back and buy them. We promised each other we would hook up. *Kent had walked away. We had taken too long (15minutes) catching up and he was heading home (skiving jobo).

Just as I was watching *janice disappear round the corner, I heard my name being called out. My middle, home tribe name...(what do u call those??). I didnt respond at first cuz thats not a name that registers in my mind when I am not at home. I turned my head 2 seconds late and saw a middle aged man behind me waving frantically from inside a small firmiliar silver car. *Antony!!! my brain suddenly yelled. It was my cab guy. LOL. Heis usually stationed right outside our apartments at home and I saw him like an Uncle. He always spoke to me in vernacular stating that it was extremely important that I know how to speak in my mother tongue. I could understand the language but when it came to me forming sentences of my own, my brain just went on lock. *Antony was an old fashioned conservative kind of man with a heart of gold (cheap cab rides!!) who ironically listened to urban music, even if he couldn't sing along for the life of him. Every time i got into his car, he was listening to kiss100 or easyfm. He said to me once in Kiswahili that he enjoyed MY kind of music. Maybe he didn't, maybe he just wanted to connect with me and lied to create some kind of common ground between us so that I wouldn't haggle so much over cab fare haha.

By the time I was approaching the cyber my mood was up 150%. I was 100 km away from sadness. And then!!! an aunt of mine walks past me (she saw me i didnt see her) and shrieks my home name. Again I take a little longer than usual to respond to this call. She's sweaty and beat... looks like she just walked from muthurwa to town at 120 steps per minute. She's happy to see me all the same and asks me to hang in there (in reference to my job) and then she's off. Shes a friend of my mom's. Not my real aunt.

Its rare happenings like these that make me think that the universe is trying to send me a message. Like, "you are not alone. See all these people who love you that I just spontaneously sent to bump into you?" or "You can quit your job and still be as happy as *Janice, or end up as hassled looking as your aunt". Dude, I don't know. at least Im not so gloomy anymore. Also, it could be because im reading a very intuitive book. And so my messages to the Universe are translated with immediate effect. So all this weird/unusual stuff (unusual to me) is happening.

I might not have enough time to write about what I really wanted to today cuz my lunch break is almost over now and im 30 minutes behind schedule in sending those fucking orders.. so let me try to be brief and non explanatory.

The three most important things in my life are My Career, My Love life and My health. (family and friends fall into love life). In my mind, they appear like three big Greek pillars and on top of these pillars is the world. Sorrounded by clouds and blue skies. The 'world' is me, i think. Anyway this is how they appear in my mind. Right now, none of these pillars is where I want them to be. I have ten minutes to the end of lunch break... mmmh where should i begin.

Motor cycle guy is just amazing. I even feel like deleting my previous blog because i read all his signs wrong. He is gentle and caring and sympathetic and motivated and into me and 'you have been the woman of my dreams since I met you three years a go' ish.
I think I am incapable of loving at this point. My heart and mind are pretty made up. They're just sitting there with their arms crossed across their chests waiting for me to freaking leave the guy already!!!. After I left baby, my ex whom I loved to the death of me, Im just thinking that i haven't had a stable relationship since then! And look, I just recently realized this. I have been knowing that everything is going great and i just hadn't met someone I want to settle down with yet. After Baby, there was Brit (former blogs). He was amaaaazing!!! the perfect escape from my toxic, chokingly consuming former relationship with baby. He was everything I wanted in a man. Frankly, everything that Baby wasn't and I wanted him to be. He took my breath away with how he spoke, how he touched me, how he &*$3^@ me, how he cooked... But then I couldn't stay.

And then there was this thing that until now i cant explain, with MG. The whole affair (lol) gave me writer's block for months and I couldn't write or blog.

Then there was *Alex. He was also a nice guy but too talkative and Sanguine for my liking. He was a great guy tho.

And now, Motor cycle. I was so into him at the beginning. I was even afraid I was falling in love. But now I am almost indifferent to him.And him, he's still treating me like a pearl he found in the ocean. So fuck me for being so ... choosy?stupid?unappreciative?stupid?stupid?stupid.

One thing we need to be clear on though is that I am NOT in love with Baby. I haven't been in over a year. I see him sometimes.We are casual friends and I just see him as my past. Despite all the pain he caused me, it was through him that I knew what I will never tolerate from a man. A standard that i carry like a badge of honor but now I'm starting to see as a limitation. *Sammie (samantha) says that my standards are too high. I refute that. I think they are just rare. I don't need a guy to be stinking rich or devilishly handsome or whatever romantic novel rhapsody you can thank of. But there is a certain few things that i think my man must have before i fully submit to him. And these are not things that i have consciously coined, but have over time developed in my psyche. Like a guy can have these Basic Qualities (like the basic needs in Maslow's hierarchy of needs), and I will fall for him foolishly. And he could be missing the other qualities that i look for in a man, and i am totally fine. Clear now? Like there are attributes which I like to call Basic Qualities that a guy has to have for me to fall for him. Some which I don't even know what to call in language...like swag, or these things that more visually than logically explainable. Anyway, mister motor cycle is lacking a few...
Im thinking that its cuz i hadn't gotten intimate with a man in sooooooo long that maybe i just needed a fix and so thats why my body was playing a trick on my heart making false beliefs that Motor guy is the shit. Making me believe the same. I'm disgusted by this trail of destruction I am leaving behind me...
I gatta run.
We shall continue this later... :) :) :) :)

CAVE AGE ERA MUCH?

Helooo :) :)

Today i have been a very good girl. I got to work on time and i have reached and surpassed my sales target... the stars are surely aligned for me today :)

We didn't end up going for Churchill live on Tuesday, RudeBoyNotsoRide (a.k.a MotorBike guy ~ MB guy) and I cuz of the rain. I thought that that was such a stupid excuse! especially cuz I was already on my way from work to Carnivore when he cancelled. And even if he cancelled and there was a huge down pour, si he should have told me we meet up in CBD instead??? since we both work here...and the whole date was about hanging out with me. Wasn't it?
I was on full HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU defence mode. Dude. I have no more tolerance for crap ~ only and only if i feel and see that you could be the ONE... and even then my crap tolerance level is low. And you will be TOO INTO ME to pull such stunts.

He called back ten minutes later to uncancel the date saying that we can can just go by cab (instead of him going to pick the car from destination-very-far)... Logistics should have been planned effectively prior. He knows he is on thin ice anyway cuz he knows I have been warned against him. So yeah, game up.
I was like, "no no lets just hook up some other time cuz I have already turned around." he knew he had fucked up and that's why he called back.yup yup.

So anyway here's what i wanted to talk about.
On our first date he mentioned how his ex never used to offer to come over and cook for him or anything knowing well that he cant cook and lives alone. I thought 'aww how cute he wants someone to feed him. easy i can do that'... Yesterday he had a headache. He was like, come and massage me nini nini work is killing me... I was like awww get well soon. your probably dehydrated have a glass of water and moniter it, youll be fine.
Today he's like, hope you slept well, wish you could bring me breakfast or better yet, you.

?????

Is it just me or are u also reading into this like he wants a maid~girlfriend~bitch~bendover sorta relationship ?? This isnt the 60s... no mad~men scenario here... i wish you could bring me breakfast?

I dunno, this is weird. And yeah!!! i would love to do this kind of stuff for MY BOYFRIEND. WHO I HAVE FALLEN In LOVE WITH.OVER TIME
I dont think he should be suggesting such stuff after one date! i hardly know him. I don't even know his second name. ai?

I smell a rat.

i donno i dont think im wrong...

its been forever...

Sigh, I cant even really remember where i left things.
Well, Ive got 40 minutes to write this before I'm forced to do get back to work.

The reason I hadn't really been blogging is because of the twisted awkward unusual place I was in my life; love life to be more certain.

Rem Married Guy? otherwise known as MG? ((shaking head in disgrace))...

Despite the fact that my contract with the company we were both working for ended, (meaning I would see less or even non of him) we still used to see each other quite a lot. Mostly on the weekends. Anyway, a lot has happened in between then and now, stuff that's not really worthy of my blog so i wont get into it. But in short, I haven't slept with him, i have kissed him many times, I do NOT have the strong feelings i had for him anymore (i really cannot get passed the wedding ring _no matter how hard i try), and so now I just you know... left the whole thing. well sorta.

Also somewhere in between, i met this guy, Mr. A. haha how weird was that month long relationship-thing. *rolling eyes* dating is really not fun.

I also graduated from UNI yaaaayyyy!!! I miss it so much tho. i just wanna party and not have to think about work the next day. blegh.

And now, there's a new guy. Mr Not-so-rude-rude-boy... Okay so here's the story with him. about three years ago, when I was still in uni (duh), i met him in Black rose's apartment. It was a hangover Friday , as was every Friday in my uni, and i was going to check up on my girls after the previous night's reckless drinking! I noticed him straight away when I stepped into the room.. you know one of those, butterflies at first sight. After he left later on i asked about him... and Black rose and Sassy were like, "Purple dew, you really do have bad boy syndrome. hes not a good guy. and he's also asked about you. what is it with u and falling for assholes"... or something close to that. you get the drift though. And then there was a bunch of other stuff they told me about his past that totally threw me off.

so i lengad the crush and moved on with my dysfunctional relationship with Baby. (reff to former blogs). Anyways, over the past year he has always been asking me out on a date and i have always been giving excuses or bluntly ignoring him when he chats me up on face book. i just didn't want his storo. but i was still atrtracted to him so sometimes i would go back to Black Rose and ask her "what is his issue again?".

Alright so yesterday. he chatts me up as usual and i ignore him as usual. but then this time he says "purple dew why do u always ignore me? M sorry to bother you tho" And im like "im writing an email, relax"... which i wasnt..
and we start to chat up. he asks me out on a date. tells me that I should get to know him, give him a chance, blah blah blah. he plead a good case however. so I chat up Black rose and im like, girl, what was the story with RudeBoyNotRude again?
ANd she says the same stuff.
okay, now this time i know i don't hav an excuse.I am not seeing anyone, I was free in the afternoon and bored as hell at work, so i said, OKay...

My resilience with bad boys has grown tremendously. My girls fail to believe so.

I meet him. Butterflies and everything. He is shorter and smaller that I remembered. Must be all these Idris Elba sex fantasies ive been having; raising my bar really high :)...

I went on this date with my guard as high as the wall of china. I was expecting to meet this arrogant selfish bastard, you know? and im telling you, he was so sweet and shy and awww i was just blown away. Right, but not everything was perfect... I expected to be taken to a nicer more expensive place..*cringe*... Dude im not going to end up in another BRIT-relationship (ref to former blogs)...
Anyway, he lives alone, works, has hopes and ambitions of making it someday. owns a sexy bike, kinda cute... and is going to pick me up today from work so that we can go and watch Churchill live. He got office tickets (he's not buying them :( ... )but at least im going for a live performance right.
All these women empowerment books are not helping a bratha.

so!!! i'm back and and i aint high in crack!! lol

I love you all.

Stay Tuned.
Purple.

Long Awaited

SIX months since my last post...!!
OOOh how i missed my blog and all my followers.
Coming soon...
Mucho love..

12 THINGS

Like I said, i turn 22 on friday...And I wanted to make a list of things that you, (friends/followers) dont know about me. I couldnt come up with 22, but I came up with 12!! more than half.

(1) I had a blankie until I was 14 years. I couldnt sleep without it; its what got me to sleep. I used to...smell it..sorta sniff it... ALL DAY! Unless i wasnt in the house. I had about six and they had to be washed with stay soft otherwise I couldnt 'smell' them. And as I did, i'd 'do' my mouth just like a baby looking for a mother's breast...haha, or you know how your mouth moves when you are on a pacifier? That was what I did with the blankie only it wasnt in my mouth, I just held it up to my face. And when I was packing for my first day of highschool (boarding school) my dad saw it in my trunk and refused me to carry it. So I left it behind. and then the habbit sorta just disappeared.

(2) The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is pee.

(3) I notice a man by his Skin tone (dark), height, shirt, cologne, smile, voice, watch... exactly in that order.

(4) I dont like writing with a black biro

(5) I can never go to bed without brushing my teeth. Even when im high

(6)I collect all my old scratch cards. Have quite a huge collection now

(7) If i could do anything i wanted in the world, and be sure not to fail, I would be an Actor, a Dancer, then a singer an artist (draw) and a photogropher. Clearly im in the wrong career. All these are the arts.

(8) I hate that when I'm anxious or nervous I get verbal diahorroea.

(9)My favourite weather is when it rains (or when the sun comes out just after) and all my sex fantasies in such weather.

(10)I went lesbo for some months when Baby and I were having madd issues and i was depressed. And relations with two females... *cringe* No?

(11) My plan had always been to wait for marriage to have sex.

(12) When i get really stressed in an exam (and this is true as hell) I get horny. Its like an anxious, stressed arousal... ??? not ati 'aaawwwww i am horny'..nah. And its frustrating and there was this one time in highschool during a chem paper, it happened and i said fuck it, so, i had a small orgasm. I had to save this for last!
If this happens to anyone else please let it be known!! i know im not alone.

(13)I JUST THOT OF THIS ONE!!!! I LOVE JAKE SULLY (AVATAR) HIS REAL NAME IS SAMUEL WORTHINGTON AND HES A 34 YR OLD AUSIE. I THINK THE AVATAR FILM IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER... The love story was not so original but it was still played out beautifuly! aND I LOVED IT...I wish it was me!
I never watch movies twice cuz i dont like the predictability. like NEVER. However, there are some movies i have watched over and over : ANNIE (when i was 6 or 7, i watched it evryday and knew all the songs by heart),CRUEL INTENTIONS (the original with Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon), FACE OFF, and now AVATAR... I wish I was in the Omaticaya tribe, and had a tail... Tsu'tey was a little sexier than Jake though giggle...



Mucho cyber love XXXXXXooooooo
PD

VANISHING POINT

I AM A PIECES

I turn 22 on Friday! I get so excited whenever March comes around...!! every day of march is my birthday!is how i feel!!! I have big dreams for friday night maynnnnn!!

Here's some stuff that i chose to ommit from my other posts cuz I just wasnt sure where to start with this thing. Married guy (MG) made a some serious remarks to me yesterday that threw me off course a little.
Older men have this unbelievable confidence to say and do things when they want a woman ...
Like I said, during Black Rose's birthday heng, i bumped into him and his friend at the club. That was the first time he saw me with my friends, drunk, and just not office-like.
I know his story... that his wife trapped him into the whole marriage thing, and that he loves his kids but she is not his type. I roll my eyes evrytime he repeats that story to me in reffrence to me reminding him that he has a wife!

This is the reall situation with him though... At work, my team is a fun team. He's in the team... and the team and I have really fun times together; in and out of the office. So MG and I have had many bonding moments and gossip updates on whats cutting upstairs (another department)... but all this was before he started hitting on me. And get this, i didnt know he was married!! He's gained some weight in the past few years and so his ring had been at the jewelers for a month been resized. Long over due, but he said that he just never got the time to go pick it up.
During this Period, I had texted my ...closest girlfriend,Puppy,telling her that I had the hugest crush on this guy from the office (MG)
(((SHIT!)))
Then we had this huge office event, and at the party, I was talking to one of my team members, and she was telling me (more of whining) about her looking for the right man to marry...and then she started to mention all the men in our department who were married...and she mentioned MG! I had been working here for about 3-4 weeks by then. I was like, "WHHHHOOOO????" and she clarified, "MG...si he even has two small kids..." she brushed.

OOOkkkaaayy...!! I texted puppy and gave her the update. she replied "YOU BETTER LENGA THAT STORY ASAP!"
I was in complete agreement!! I concurred!
The good thing is at the time, he hadn't made a move on me. What he used to do was just the usuall: offer me a ride home, but drinks, laugh with me in the office etc. And on my part, i knew it was more than a kind gesture, but, i mean, how many guys do 'such'?? so I was just kind of indifferent about the whole affair (not in the Clinton-Lewinsky kind of way LOL)To me he was just ana guy trynig to hit on me.

So now yesterday, i was packing my stuff in the office getting ready to go home and he asked, out loud, "Purpledew, im heading home now, you want a lift??"
I took long to respond pretending i didnt hear but then, that made the silence in the air awkward as everyone (in the office) was subconciously waiting for my response, so i said in a 'oh sure!!' kind of tone "Yeah okay!"

In the car...
We are talkling about totally random stuff for a long time... traffic was crazy.. and then he asks why I dont seat next to him at lunch and basically why I have 'changed' the past few weeks. And I say, "because THEN, i dint know you were married, and now i know you are..."
(we were having a cigarette...)
"So that means you had something for me before I got my ring back...?" he shrugs
I freeze.
"I mean... i thought you were single... so... me... " god knows what i said next cuz i cant remember.

That is true... I did have a crush-thing on him. It could have showed. I even had even fantasized a little about the shag. Haha. Daym...

ANd he says "COOL!"

And then he adds "I need to get this car washed... Will you seat with me as I wait??"
"aaaii MG, seriously I have to go home.(he's pulled such a stunt before)" I try not to sound rude since he is still my supervisor at the end of the day...
"Look at this traffic PD... Just here K1, we wait, you can have a bite to eat... Fine! Call your girls if you think I have ulterior motives."

So I take out my phone boldy and start to speed dial Puppy's number as I think of who else I can call. She doesnt pick...
I call black rose, she sounds like shes already on her way home so i act like i called her about something else and change the topic. Then I get a text from puppy saying that shes in a meeting and she'll call me back. Sassy works too far... and so do the rest. Shit.
"anyway," I think "I'll just focus on random topics to talk about since we do get along.

FOWARD
Hes having a white cap and im on my second Fanta.
And he starts...
" You know, I was resigning in August, but since you came I decided to push till NOvember."(my internship lasts till April or Aug).
"MG... aki please si we lenga that story?" i try to smile, BUT HE HAD JUST THROWN OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE
"And when you went on study leave last week, I would come to work for three hours"
"Really...?" I retort sarcastically
"Im serious ask Figit"...

The conversation was one of those where i had to be nice nad nod you know... cuz hes my boss, but at the same time, I was trying to gain controll over the direction of the topic. i was very uncomfortable

Then he asks if i watched greys anatomy (i do duuuhhh)and if i remember that Mcdreamy was married to the gyna, but he wante marydith... Im nothing like marydith! Thats black rose... im like isabel and christina combined!

He mentioned somewhere in there that, where was I four years ago, which is when he got married... And that was what really like OVERWHELMED me and that was when I lied to him that Brit and I were officially a couple and that i was so in love that I want to go on the pill(brit and I have never been official but office people dont know a tad about my love life except MG since he met Brit last week at Black roses birthday heng...and I told him then, that Brit was a guy I was 'just' interested in...)

ha. oH shit...

This is soooo not how i want my post break up with brit to be... Wait, did I mention that I ended things with him last saturday? Well I did. It was the right thing to do. You all know why (ref to all former blogs) . He was a keeper... it hurt letting him knowing that.

Anyways, Universe, Im posting this out to you.
DURING THIS TIME OF SINGLEHOOD, I WANT PEACE, AND JOY, AND GREAT MOVIES AND MUSIC TO WATCH, AND LOSTA FUN AND LOVE with and from MY GIRLS, HAPPY TIMES, COLD RAINY CUDDLY INDOOR AFERNOONS WITH ELLEN DEGENRES AND AVATAR AND GREYS AND MY PERSON (WHICH IM YET TO FIND...NOT A BOYFRIEND, A BFF),AND NO FEELING EVER, OF BEING LONELY OR NEEDY. I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE AND BE IN LOVE WITH THAT. AND THEN WHEN I WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE, ITS GOT TO BE HIM... MY THE-ONE. NOT ANOTHER TIME WASTING RELATIONSHIP. COMPRENDE?

EL FIN.





MUCH CYBER LOVE. XoXo