rainbow colors

another post for today!! I am having a great day at work. My supervisor has surprisngle loosened her leash on me. And three good things have happened to me today: I got a free sausage, won a bet for sh500 and got a chocolate from the guy of procurement upstairs.

My main agenda for this note was to post the beautiful LGBT flag in support of this community. I stumbled upon it while on cuppatea's blog and i was in awe when i discovered that they hae a flag!! how awesome!!
THey are a beautiful colourfull HAPPY and HOPEFULL lot and they are here to stay.
THere's no point in wars. Instead of having a human rights battle, lets do a human rights peace walk.
AND BESIDES, WILL AND GRACE WOULD SUCK WITHOUT WILL... AND THE OTHER QUEEN I FORGET HIS NAME.

OBSESSED IS ME (SEEN THE MOVIE?)

He's got evrything I want his yummy (human) being him!
I had a dream the other day about him teaching me how to drive ( i drive but havent ever since I got bashed 2 years ago), and on this day, as he was seated on the passenger's siT instructing me, his palm reassuringly on my thigh, he told me to drive to a certain location. And there was a house; meduim sized,not large, but cozy. and he took me inside, and told me it was our place.

"but i live with my parents now (they were in Nainja for 3 years) they cant let me move in with you" I cried.
"eis okay lov (british accent. You do know that he grew up in East London)... but you can come here any time you want. Spend the night.. we can cook there ( he pointed at the beautifuly laid out kitchen), Its got four bedrooms, and im getting a master bed for us."

I think i must have cum in my sleep hahaha. Or maybe shed a joyfull tear.

Where are you MAN OF MY DREAMS!!!!!!!

PS: SORT OF ENDED THINGS WITH BRIT. WILL KEEP YALL POSTED
i LOVE YOU ALL!!! MUCHO LOVE

BTW CUPPA, THE LGBT (lesbain gay bi tranni) FLAG IS SO BEAUTIFUL.I PRINTED IT FROM YOUR POST AND PLACED IT IN MY WALLET. I DIDNT KNOW THERE WAS EVEN A FLAG! SINCE THE SEVENTIES. TOO AWESOME

I am the Michael Angelo of my life

Okay this is for all the brit supporters out there.
TRYING IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH
I just recently revealed to myself that i dont LOVE him.I like him ALOOT but i dont love him. Problem is we're already on the i love you phase. I wasnt comfy with saying it from the begining i remember but iwas soo excited about him that i just used to say it loosely.
I regret that.
Cuz now, i think he means it and i have to say it back when i know from the bottom of my heart i dont mean it. shit! Atleast because i like him alot and hes such a great guy, its not hard to sound like i mean it. I dont want to hurt his feelings so how now after three months can i start back pedalling by asking him that we stop saying 'i love you'. Let me tell you, ths is also the shit end of the stick.

And i think hes going to bring me valentine's day gifts in the office. yeah! STAB ME IN MY EYE. Let me tell you though, i love love love just how great of a guy he is but that will never equate him to being my the one. I am the full blown romantic believe me. ask anyone! But if your mind is visualising somebody else, and your heart is rooting for it, youre going to end up just like me in this mix.

I visualise alot. I like to paint pictures of my future. Like my wedding, my husband, my house, my next meal, those Jimmy Choos that will fall from the sky like manna... and when i do this visualation thing, the love of my life is a huge built tall MAN (like O'neal !!!! well not that big but thereabouts ...but if he comes looking like shaquel i wont mind), DARK skinned, so so very handsome, great teeth, CONFIDENT AND STRAIGHT FOWARD,looks good in a shirt and smells good, good heart, sharp intellect, large DI*$!, good education, funny (the usuall here)... Anyway, let me not sound too demanding but Brit falls short only on the personality profile( and a bit on the physical but thats not a probsince hes still really hot) For the most part, he is the best guy with the biggest heart but i feel as though I have a bigger pesonality presence than him. He's quiet, which is good, and i want my FOREVER to be just as calm and quiet cuz im talkative nini nini, but i wonder whether he would stand up for me in an argument you know? And I like a guy who has a presence.NOT EGO,OR ARROGANT AURA... i just hope yall get me. The best example i can give you is IDRIS ELBA. He was in Obsessed (with Beyonce), American Gangsta (as the guy Denzel shot point blank on the street) and Daddy's little girls. Thats my forever! praise the lord.

Im trying to focus on all of Brit's good, and not the bad that i dont want. So far so good but i know tht after some time i will want more and i might just bail.
Mucho Cyber Love!!!!

STUPID GIRL

Yesterday I went for the march on uhuru highway that commemorated the life and death of Martin Njuma may he rest in peace.

By then, my feelings for Brit had gone on a plunging decline. I invited him to come for the walk with me...

Before he told me about how they (his family and he)were at a rocky financial place, i was fine with stuff such as handling the bill, using pubic transport together etc. After he told me this truth however, shit in my mind has just changed.

We were in the jav going to the venue on barichO road where the walk/march was going to begin and all i could think was, "When we get married we'll still be javing?"
And then he was wearing thos african beaded chains. I liked it...yeah, if I was 17. "Where is his golden man chain? ...?" i thought. I was goimg to introduce him to alot of high end people that day...
Yeah youre probably thinking im a total bitch, but you knw what, JUDGE ME. Had it been me reading this i would think the same.

So we got there. Met Bootyfull and her-triplet (i forget the name i gave her on my blog)
We all walked together. THere were some random side dramas happening at the event but they arent really relevant...
Her-triplet whispered in my ear, "i read your blog..."
I was glad she did so now i didint have to start explaining whats going on between me and brit. She told me she'd beat me if i left him over something like money.
I couldnt agree more.
Bootyfull on the other hand said that i cant force myself to be where i cant and if i want to leave, i should...
I tried to shove that advice aside.

The walk was refeshing. I wished i walked like that evryday. I need to change my lifestyle!

After that, we went up to the old K1 now called THE CLICK, and had a few drinks.
I was like, "arrrgh, i dont want to spend my money." a.k.a i dont want to handle the bill. What i had in my wallet was for the dentist appointment i was to have today (it was a horror by the way).
The thought of me doing that made me want to just leave.

But shock!!! He was handling the bill.

BUT...

It felt like my heart was already out the door :-(
I wasnt feelong him.
"shit purpledew, you'll never get a guylike this one!" I scolded myself.

But even as he reached in for a kiss, i hoped that it would be a quick kiss.

So I told him. That I wanted to leave him.
The excuse i used was so far fetched but he bought it.
I watched his heart break infront of me. He is so handsome :-(.
(note; i dint leave him, i just suggested it)...that sounds so stupid.

On the way home, we were quiet.
He walked me home, holding my hand while looking down. I still didn't
want to change my mind.

WE got to this tree that he likes to call my spot and looked me dead in the eye and said,
"If you leave me you'll shred life apart."
"Babe... I dont know..."i mumbled
He was choking his words by now.
"You're the best thing that has ever happened to me purpledew i told you that and i love you so much. I wioll maik you appy (his british accent had started to escalate)"

I felt TERRIBLE!!! AND I JUST WANTED TO CRY
I started to imagine myself in a reality show where brit and I were the stars and now everyone who was watching was jus thinkig how terrible I am. And then I saw myself on the show of "The Bachelor, The Men say it all" and the people in the audience were hurling insults at me. and then, i felt bad.. and i wept a little. and he, unsurprisingly hugged me.

We were now not almost separated.

This morniing he asked me if i would change my facebook relationship status when i became his GIRLFRIEND. I frowned at that last word.


STUCK.

STORMY PROPHESY

This year started really well for me... I went to coast with Brit and the rest of the crew (reffer to previous blog) and i got an internship in a huge MultiNational which so far I am enjoying to the nail.

However
:-)
...
BRIT...
Over the past few weeks I came to a startling revelation...sad and maybe too blunt, but true. This one rare prince charming of my life is... kind of low on the monetary department of our union. Okay... he's kind of broke (CRINGE!!!) I have been thinking all week of how to write that without sounding deragatory or mean or stingy.

Brit is so humble and funny and cares about the tiniest details of me which i had been itching all my life to find a man that does.

He opened up to me some time back about how things got this way for them. This hadnt always been his life. And it was clear from the fact that he attended one of the most highest fee priced highschools in the country. His personal tendancies are also a reflection of how 'things' used be in the past. A reflection which i thought was a reality and not the former. So anyways, he also reveled to me that things were not going to be that way for long and that he has big plans for me he says... but that could just be Wishful Thinking.
Look, Im NOT a gold digger. In fact, none of the guys I have dated have ever been eti ballers or even rich (considering BABY-the current Ex a.k.a love of my life). But after that toxic relationship, I was dtermined to have a brighter future. And I dont mean gifts FOR ME or anything to do with personal benefits; I wanted to do stuff that was fun and exciting and adventurous. Stuff that can only get anywhere in this day and age with PAPER;MULLAH;CHEDDAR...MANEH

Brit still hasnt lost his inner peace or loving nature OR funny stories or his way of loving a woman despite the fact that certain events led the abrupt change of his lifestyle. No matter how much shit comes his way, he's still the same; happy. And just watching that makes me fill up with so much love for him.

On the other hand though, its a complete turn off.
Yes, it is.
If i visualise myself reaching to pay for a bill one more time, im gonna have a panic attack.
and he gets so worked up when we are in such situations.
Me, I'm ironically calm then.
"Babe, its okay!... come on we're in this pamoja*" is what i say.
But in reality, its killing me too that sometimes I've had to 'handle' the bill.
Shit. It's so mentally disturbing.
Its how I am. I will offer to pay occassionally but only as a sign of 'I got you/thanks for handling it all the other times, allow me...ETCs'
A small part of me is still traditional,(yay! hence the name of my blog)but its a small part with a huge stakehold power over how my mind and emotions function together.

I dont know what to do...
I mean i cant leave him based on something so baseless (sorta)...

Then theres Married guy from work slowly but surely making the move on me. Its interesting waiting for his next move but im not intrested. nad theres single manager guy who last weekend was abit furnny with me in the club last weekend. THats just a by the way..

Should I just hang around and deprive myself of stuff i want to do cuz i cant afford it for the both of us two times in a row or whatever...??
And I even think I love him.(so twisted)
...

I dont think I can hang on too long so i just need something to make me stay

FORBIDDEN FRUIT

I'm in the middle of a really heated debate about land rovers and Range rovers.. Of course i don't have a stake in such conversations because i know very little about cars. All i know is that in this debate, im on the Range bleachers...
So anyway, Mombasa is so beautiful this time of year (im at the coast)... We decided to come after the festivities to avoid the chaos. I thought it was a lame idea...but i now know that i wouldnt have enjoyed myself had i come then. My cousin who lives here tells me that they were in traffic from 2 am till 5.30 am on new years eve. 2 am to 5 am!!!! and that the human traffic was so much that she said this year she wont stay i the Mombasa for the holidays... Also had a wax today. Brazilian. shiyet it hurts.

When I said that WE decided to come over after the festivities, I meant Brit, myself and a couple of other people.

Here's what's going on,

We are staying at out friends house. and he is reeeaaallly RICH. seven bedrommed house, biggest residential swimming pool in Mombasa, pool house and pool bar... His friends haha, a bunch of rich kids who talk about big cars, women and extravagant living every second of the day, spend their fathers' money and do not hide this fact, and walk around in their im so rich frames raining money, bursting out in huge bursts of deep ego filled laughters every time someone says something which according to them is incredibly funny. I know i sound so satirical but i am having the time of my life with these guys.
So here's the catch
THese guys are huge (literally) ego filled, laugh out loud, buy any drink on me kind of guys.

Brit on the other hand is quiet reserved and doesn't retaliate when the bots start to bully him( and I do). The boys bully each other in turns all the time. And I personally am attracted to a man who has a bit of fight in him. And this turns me off so much that today when we were making love, i had to visualise that i was with Idris Elba just so that i could get into it...


Because I really like this guy, i wont persist on the negative for much longer. But one of the big boys here i can see is really into me and i didnt give a fuck till today... because i found myself trying to impress him.

Brit is the best most sweetest guy I have ever known, and this big boy is the kind of guys i am attracted to that just fuck me over. So i know im lucky to be with brit; I just, I dont know...

HELP.

HONEYMOON

So I'm totally not inspired to write. But its been a while since i wrote last about the great endeavours of my fascinating life. That, and I'm bored stiff, stuffed with chicken and irritated by DSTV's repetitive adverstisements. They make my brain feel like goo. You know I can get the point of what your trying to say if you replay the same clip three times. After that, its just nagging.

Anyway...

On the 10th of december at exactly 9 pm i handed in my last exam of 2009... BLISS. I was so ready to have fun and party!!!!!

REWIND<<<

I havent told you about the progress Brit have made have made. :-) :-)
Allow me to do it in a recap fashion... He is the best, most sensual, sentimental, ragingly fierce lay that I have ever had. And i dont mean firece in a Tyra Banks kind of way. ( I am half heartedly her fan).
He is OFFICIALLY the best I have ever had. Puts me first,serves my drink, gives me the bigger pillow, nini nini. Baby would never do that. I was so used to not being treated like i mattered that i honestly thought I was happy and that nothong was wrong.

--BACK TO THE PRESENT

And after my last paper, I was ovationed out of the exam room with one beautifull text (from BRIT) and a shot of tequilla at the local pub (FROM SASSY). Bliss.
He looked so dash. I saw him smile from across the room while Sassy ushered me towards him; how cute.

We spent the next SEVEN days together at my place. It was so...great! We woke up when WE wanted, made the bed when I wanted, cooked when HE wanted, made love however whatever wherever. One day, he left top go pick up and important letter that came for him from Britain and when he got back, he had a huge ass bottle of wine and a bottle of Top Secret whisky; blended with brandy (hope I got that right)...And to top it all of, chocolates. oh and a whole chicken for dinner the next day ( as I was already cooking when he walked in) minced beef and bacon.

Is this real???
Maybe THE LAW OF ATTRACTION does really exist. You know, the famous book and film; the Secret...

He caught a flu the next night and i spent the it warming tea, squeezing flu remedies out of my brain and muttering 'Bless yous'. (I have the flu now).

The next night, I felt that the room was too hot so he opened all the windows and half an hour later there were at least twenty something mosquitoes resting and buzzing around the mosquito net. (he counted). See i thought they were like four or five mosquitoes but when I went and turned on the lights there four or five mosquitoes flying but about twenty ON THE NET!! it was horrifying and disguisting to see that. So I grabbed a can of RAID and SPRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYED! i hate hate hate bugs. Once Brit had one whiff of the insecticide his flu symptoms got abit worse so, to get some fesh air, we decided to grab some duvets and go stand at the balcony for a few minutes.

Which later turned out to be an hour.

It was a beautiful night and having Brit with me made it magical. And then, he brought it up. Relationship. Oh shit.

By then we had already started playing with the idea of being in love..Sometimes carelessly yelling it out loud; like when i tasted the stew he had made one noit...or when he was about to hit orgasm he blurted it out,(oooh the sweat bwteen us!) or when we spoke about how our parents would react when we brought home significant others from oppossing Kenyan tribes...

"Please dont ask me tonight babe..." I muttered.
"So what do you call us? we are sleeping together, we're exclusive, we really like each other. And now we are starting to feel bigger feelings.. " He started to ask.

I explained to him (again) how when we tag what we have as a relationship that all the shit will start to happen. Like tension when i ask where he is, or awkwardness when we are seen together (right now)... I mean, without that label, 'relationship' I can call him and ask where he is without that notion that im being insecure or when he is out and im not he doesnt have to feel stressed that i might be trippin. Just shit like that.

Its been a month with Brit now but basically im just not ready.

The best thing is that he gets this. but if he does why did he bring it up again? AND PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I AM THE RELATIONSHIP TYPE. BUT A THREE YEAR DEVASTATING TOXIC RELATIONHIP WITH BABY JUST SHOOK MY WHOLE ROMANCE SYSTEM. I reeeallly LIKE Brit. sometimes i even think i love him (yaaaaa).
And the way we are together is so amazing and fresh and unbelievable to me. I am crazy about him. But im scared that a relationship so soon could ruin things.
I fIgured he wanted to be assured that I am his and that I am not going anywhere. And thats what i told him. We are playing house; as relationship people do but, i just want to be called 'together'.

I cant stop thinking about him. And he cant stop telling me how much he misses me... Its such a honeymoon phase i tell you but i love it.
I could be falling in love.
My mom will die once she finds out what tribe he is.. :-)

And today do you know what he texted me... "you complete me..."
hahaha. Giggling.