This year started really well for me... I went to coast with Brit and the rest of the crew (reffer to previous blog) and i got an internship in a huge MultiNational which so far I am enjoying to the nail.
However
:-)
...
BRIT...
Over the past few weeks I came to a startling revelation...sad and maybe too blunt, but true. This one rare prince charming of my life is... kind of low on the monetary department of our union. Okay... he's kind of broke (CRINGE!!!) I have been thinking all week of how to write that without sounding deragatory or mean or stingy.
Brit is so humble and funny and cares about the tiniest details of me which i had been itching all my life to find a man that does.
He opened up to me some time back about how things got this way for them. This hadnt always been his life. And it was clear from the fact that he attended one of the most highest fee priced highschools in the country. His personal tendancies are also a reflection of how 'things' used be in the past. A reflection which i thought was a reality and not the former. So anyways, he also reveled to me that things were not going to be that way for long and that he has big plans for me he says... but that could just be Wishful Thinking.
Look, Im NOT a gold digger. In fact, none of the guys I have dated have ever been eti ballers or even rich (considering BABY-the current Ex a.k.a love of my life). But after that toxic relationship, I was dtermined to have a brighter future. And I dont mean gifts FOR ME or anything to do with personal benefits; I wanted to do stuff that was fun and exciting and adventurous. Stuff that can only get anywhere in this day and age with PAPER;MULLAH;CHEDDAR...MANEH
Brit still hasnt lost his inner peace or loving nature OR funny stories or his way of loving a woman despite the fact that certain events led the abrupt change of his lifestyle. No matter how much shit comes his way, he's still the same; happy. And just watching that makes me fill up with so much love for him.
On the other hand though, its a complete turn off.
Yes, it is.
If i visualise myself reaching to pay for a bill one more time, im gonna have a panic attack.
and he gets so worked up when we are in such situations.
Me, I'm ironically calm then.
"Babe, its okay!... come on we're in this pamoja*" is what i say.
But in reality, its killing me too that sometimes I've had to 'handle' the bill.
Shit. It's so mentally disturbing.
Its how I am. I will offer to pay occassionally but only as a sign of 'I got you/thanks for handling it all the other times, allow me...ETCs'
A small part of me is still traditional,(yay! hence the name of my blog)but its a small part with a huge stakehold power over how my mind and emotions function together.
I dont know what to do...
I mean i cant leave him based on something so baseless (sorta)...
Then theres Married guy from work slowly but surely making the move on me. Its interesting waiting for his next move but im not intrested. nad theres single manager guy who last weekend was abit furnny with me in the club last weekend. THats just a by the way..
Should I just hang around and deprive myself of stuff i want to do cuz i cant afford it for the both of us two times in a row or whatever...??
And I even think I love him.(so twisted)
...
I dont think I can hang on too long so i just need something to make me stay
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
FORBIDDEN FRUIT
I'm in the middle of a really heated debate about land rovers and Range rovers.. Of course i don't have a stake in such conversations because i know very little about cars. All i know is that in this debate, im on the Range bleachers...
So anyway, Mombasa is so beautiful this time of year (im at the coast)... We decided to come after the festivities to avoid the chaos. I thought it was a lame idea...but i now know that i wouldnt have enjoyed myself had i come then. My cousin who lives here tells me that they were in traffic from 2 am till 5.30 am on new years eve. 2 am to 5 am!!!! and that the human traffic was so much that she said this year she wont stay i the Mombasa for the holidays... Also had a wax today. Brazilian. shiyet it hurts.
When I said that WE decided to come over after the festivities, I meant Brit, myself and a couple of other people.
Here's what's going on,
We are staying at out friends house. and he is reeeaaallly RICH. seven bedrommed house, biggest residential swimming pool in Mombasa, pool house and pool bar... His friends haha, a bunch of rich kids who talk about big cars, women and extravagant living every second of the day, spend their fathers' money and do not hide this fact, and walk around in their im so rich frames raining money, bursting out in huge bursts of deep ego filled laughters every time someone says something which according to them is incredibly funny. I know i sound so satirical but i am having the time of my life with these guys.
So here's the catch
THese guys are huge (literally) ego filled, laugh out loud, buy any drink on me kind of guys.
Brit on the other hand is quiet reserved and doesn't retaliate when the bots start to bully him( and I do). The boys bully each other in turns all the time. And I personally am attracted to a man who has a bit of fight in him. And this turns me off so much that today when we were making love, i had to visualise that i was with Idris Elba just so that i could get into it...
Because I really like this guy, i wont persist on the negative for much longer. But one of the big boys here i can see is really into me and i didnt give a fuck till today... because i found myself trying to impress him.
Brit is the best most sweetest guy I have ever known, and this big boy is the kind of guys i am attracted to that just fuck me over. So i know im lucky to be with brit; I just, I dont know...
HELP.
So anyway, Mombasa is so beautiful this time of year (im at the coast)... We decided to come after the festivities to avoid the chaos. I thought it was a lame idea...but i now know that i wouldnt have enjoyed myself had i come then. My cousin who lives here tells me that they were in traffic from 2 am till 5.30 am on new years eve. 2 am to 5 am!!!! and that the human traffic was so much that she said this year she wont stay i the Mombasa for the holidays... Also had a wax today. Brazilian. shiyet it hurts.
When I said that WE decided to come over after the festivities, I meant Brit, myself and a couple of other people.
Here's what's going on,
We are staying at out friends house. and he is reeeaaallly RICH. seven bedrommed house, biggest residential swimming pool in Mombasa, pool house and pool bar... His friends haha, a bunch of rich kids who talk about big cars, women and extravagant living every second of the day, spend their fathers' money and do not hide this fact, and walk around in their im so rich frames raining money, bursting out in huge bursts of deep ego filled laughters every time someone says something which according to them is incredibly funny. I know i sound so satirical but i am having the time of my life with these guys.
So here's the catch
THese guys are huge (literally) ego filled, laugh out loud, buy any drink on me kind of guys.
Brit on the other hand is quiet reserved and doesn't retaliate when the bots start to bully him( and I do). The boys bully each other in turns all the time. And I personally am attracted to a man who has a bit of fight in him. And this turns me off so much that today when we were making love, i had to visualise that i was with Idris Elba just so that i could get into it...
Because I really like this guy, i wont persist on the negative for much longer. But one of the big boys here i can see is really into me and i didnt give a fuck till today... because i found myself trying to impress him.
Brit is the best most sweetest guy I have ever known, and this big boy is the kind of guys i am attracted to that just fuck me over. So i know im lucky to be with brit; I just, I dont know...
HELP.
Monday, December 21, 2009
HONEYMOON
So I'm totally not inspired to write. But its been a while since i wrote last about the great endeavours of my fascinating life. That, and I'm bored stiff, stuffed with chicken and irritated by DSTV's repetitive adverstisements. They make my brain feel like goo. You know I can get the point of what your trying to say if you replay the same clip three times. After that, its just nagging.
Anyway...
On the 10th of december at exactly 9 pm i handed in my last exam of 2009... BLISS. I was so ready to have fun and party!!!!!
REWIND<<<
I havent told you about the progress Brit have made have made. :-) :-)
Allow me to do it in a recap fashion... He is the best, most sensual, sentimental, ragingly fierce lay that I have ever had. And i dont mean firece in a Tyra Banks kind of way. ( I am half heartedly her fan).
He is OFFICIALLY the best I have ever had. Puts me first,serves my drink, gives me the bigger pillow, nini nini. Baby would never do that. I was so used to not being treated like i mattered that i honestly thought I was happy and that nothong was wrong.
--BACK TO THE PRESENT
And after my last paper, I was ovationed out of the exam room with one beautifull text (from BRIT) and a shot of tequilla at the local pub (FROM SASSY). Bliss.
He looked so dash. I saw him smile from across the room while Sassy ushered me towards him; how cute.
We spent the next SEVEN days together at my place. It was so...great! We woke up when WE wanted, made the bed when I wanted, cooked when HE wanted, made love however whatever wherever. One day, he left top go pick up and important letter that came for him from Britain and when he got back, he had a huge ass bottle of wine and a bottle of Top Secret whisky; blended with brandy (hope I got that right)...And to top it all of, chocolates. oh and a whole chicken for dinner the next day ( as I was already cooking when he walked in) minced beef and bacon.
Is this real???
Maybe THE LAW OF ATTRACTION does really exist. You know, the famous book and film; the Secret...
He caught a flu the next night and i spent the it warming tea, squeezing flu remedies out of my brain and muttering 'Bless yous'. (I have the flu now).
The next night, I felt that the room was too hot so he opened all the windows and half an hour later there were at least twenty something mosquitoes resting and buzzing around the mosquito net. (he counted). See i thought they were like four or five mosquitoes but when I went and turned on the lights there four or five mosquitoes flying but about twenty ON THE NET!! it was horrifying and disguisting to see that. So I grabbed a can of RAID and SPRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYED! i hate hate hate bugs. Once Brit had one whiff of the insecticide his flu symptoms got abit worse so, to get some fesh air, we decided to grab some duvets and go stand at the balcony for a few minutes.
Which later turned out to be an hour.
It was a beautiful night and having Brit with me made it magical. And then, he brought it up. Relationship. Oh shit.
By then we had already started playing with the idea of being in love..Sometimes carelessly yelling it out loud; like when i tasted the stew he had made one noit...or when he was about to hit orgasm he blurted it out,(oooh the sweat bwteen us!) or when we spoke about how our parents would react when we brought home significant others from oppossing Kenyan tribes...
"Please dont ask me tonight babe..." I muttered.
"So what do you call us? we are sleeping together, we're exclusive, we really like each other. And now we are starting to feel bigger feelings.. " He started to ask.
I explained to him (again) how when we tag what we have as a relationship that all the shit will start to happen. Like tension when i ask where he is, or awkwardness when we are seen together (right now)... I mean, without that label, 'relationship' I can call him and ask where he is without that notion that im being insecure or when he is out and im not he doesnt have to feel stressed that i might be trippin. Just shit like that.
Its been a month with Brit now but basically im just not ready.
The best thing is that he gets this. but if he does why did he bring it up again? AND PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I AM THE RELATIONSHIP TYPE. BUT A THREE YEAR DEVASTATING TOXIC RELATIONHIP WITH BABY JUST SHOOK MY WHOLE ROMANCE SYSTEM. I reeeallly LIKE Brit. sometimes i even think i love him (yaaaaa).
And the way we are together is so amazing and fresh and unbelievable to me. I am crazy about him. But im scared that a relationship so soon could ruin things.
I fIgured he wanted to be assured that I am his and that I am not going anywhere. And thats what i told him. We are playing house; as relationship people do but, i just want to be called 'together'.
I cant stop thinking about him. And he cant stop telling me how much he misses me... Its such a honeymoon phase i tell you but i love it.
I could be falling in love.
My mom will die once she finds out what tribe he is.. :-)
And today do you know what he texted me... "you complete me..."
hahaha. Giggling.
Anyway...
On the 10th of december at exactly 9 pm i handed in my last exam of 2009... BLISS. I was so ready to have fun and party!!!!!
REWIND<<<
I havent told you about the progress Brit have made have made. :-) :-)
Allow me to do it in a recap fashion... He is the best, most sensual, sentimental, ragingly fierce lay that I have ever had. And i dont mean firece in a Tyra Banks kind of way. ( I am half heartedly her fan).
He is OFFICIALLY the best I have ever had. Puts me first,serves my drink, gives me the bigger pillow, nini nini. Baby would never do that. I was so used to not being treated like i mattered that i honestly thought I was happy and that nothong was wrong.
--BACK TO THE PRESENT
And after my last paper, I was ovationed out of the exam room with one beautifull text (from BRIT) and a shot of tequilla at the local pub (FROM SASSY). Bliss.
He looked so dash. I saw him smile from across the room while Sassy ushered me towards him; how cute.
We spent the next SEVEN days together at my place. It was so...great! We woke up when WE wanted, made the bed when I wanted, cooked when HE wanted, made love however whatever wherever. One day, he left top go pick up and important letter that came for him from Britain and when he got back, he had a huge ass bottle of wine and a bottle of Top Secret whisky; blended with brandy (hope I got that right)...And to top it all of, chocolates. oh and a whole chicken for dinner the next day ( as I was already cooking when he walked in) minced beef and bacon.
Is this real???
Maybe THE LAW OF ATTRACTION does really exist. You know, the famous book and film; the Secret...
He caught a flu the next night and i spent the it warming tea, squeezing flu remedies out of my brain and muttering 'Bless yous'. (I have the flu now).
The next night, I felt that the room was too hot so he opened all the windows and half an hour later there were at least twenty something mosquitoes resting and buzzing around the mosquito net. (he counted). See i thought they were like four or five mosquitoes but when I went and turned on the lights there four or five mosquitoes flying but about twenty ON THE NET!! it was horrifying and disguisting to see that. So I grabbed a can of RAID and SPRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYED! i hate hate hate bugs. Once Brit had one whiff of the insecticide his flu symptoms got abit worse so, to get some fesh air, we decided to grab some duvets and go stand at the balcony for a few minutes.
Which later turned out to be an hour.
It was a beautiful night and having Brit with me made it magical. And then, he brought it up. Relationship. Oh shit.
By then we had already started playing with the idea of being in love..Sometimes carelessly yelling it out loud; like when i tasted the stew he had made one noit...or when he was about to hit orgasm he blurted it out,(oooh the sweat bwteen us!) or when we spoke about how our parents would react when we brought home significant others from oppossing Kenyan tribes...
"Please dont ask me tonight babe..." I muttered.
"So what do you call us? we are sleeping together, we're exclusive, we really like each other. And now we are starting to feel bigger feelings.. " He started to ask.
I explained to him (again) how when we tag what we have as a relationship that all the shit will start to happen. Like tension when i ask where he is, or awkwardness when we are seen together (right now)... I mean, without that label, 'relationship' I can call him and ask where he is without that notion that im being insecure or when he is out and im not he doesnt have to feel stressed that i might be trippin. Just shit like that.
Its been a month with Brit now but basically im just not ready.
The best thing is that he gets this. but if he does why did he bring it up again? AND PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I AM THE RELATIONSHIP TYPE. BUT A THREE YEAR DEVASTATING TOXIC RELATIONHIP WITH BABY JUST SHOOK MY WHOLE ROMANCE SYSTEM. I reeeallly LIKE Brit. sometimes i even think i love him (yaaaaa).
And the way we are together is so amazing and fresh and unbelievable to me. I am crazy about him. But im scared that a relationship so soon could ruin things.
I fIgured he wanted to be assured that I am his and that I am not going anywhere. And thats what i told him. We are playing house; as relationship people do but, i just want to be called 'together'.
I cant stop thinking about him. And he cant stop telling me how much he misses me... Its such a honeymoon phase i tell you but i love it.
I could be falling in love.
My mom will die once she finds out what tribe he is.. :-)
And today do you know what he texted me... "you complete me..."
hahaha. Giggling.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
I recognise the butterflies
I couldnt do a second date with BFP... Cuppa, i tried to overlook all that stuff but i couldnt. So i have remained friends with him but broken off the whole deal.
Last Thursday I left the house ( for the pub) pretty late. By the time i got there some of my friends were 'happy!' lol.
Class time approached. I hate this class cuz it fucks up all my thirsty thursdays. I've missed so many of them so this thursday i had to attend it.
Class didnt suck so much so once i got out i was all pumped to do assignments and study etc. my plan was to go straight home. But, since my oh-so-cool-super-girl-crew was still at the pub i decided to go for a lap of honour.
I walked in. As i did, i glanceed to my right and saw ...(allow me to change his name because I didnt relaise he'd be a part of this blog before)Brit, and etc.
So heres the the thing with Brit.
I had the hugest crush on him since like four weeks ago. He was my first crush/like after Baby. I realised only later that he didnt go here (my uni) and only comes over to have a drink with his boys who do go here.
First time we met i was DRUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNK!!!!!! The alcohol gave me the courage to talk to him. Asked him to take a pic wiv me haha. He agreed. And then we started to talk. And i thought....nah... I didnt feel like we clicked. So i was like blegh. what a waste becasue HE IS SO HOTTT.
Second time we met, it hit me how drunk I was on the first time we met and was totally embarrased. Despite the fact that I was no longer into him, I still didn't want to look bad. Plus i couldnt remember A WORD we talked about on that first rendezvous; what if i talked shit. Maybe thats why he didnt turn up the next week, i thought. So a part of me wanted to redeem my alcohol influnced behaviour. We bumped into each other when he was with his boys and i was with male-super sanguine (who are also his friend) outside the pub. After he said hallo,(he hugged me tight) i looked at him for any reaction...nothing. It looked as if he was either shy or just trying to hint that he didnt want my stories that day.I decided that it had to be the latter. He wasn't even looking at me. Shit, so i must have blundered. oh shit. the whole night we sat on opposite ends of the bar with no exchange.
I let it go and thought, oh fuck it. Third time we met. Same place... This day after my class-the one that got me syked to do my assignments...and im walking into the pub. I was walking past his friends (hadnt seen him yet) beacuse i had said hi to them before. But then i saw him. And he didnt look away. Infact he was loooking-loooking. so i decided to say hi. I did. He hugged me tight again... you know, more than usuall. so I waited for him to get awkward. He didnt. He was asking me whre I'de been, if i'm here for a drink. and then he just went quiet after BigMan started talking to me. Okay so he's not really outgoing?
Anyway, i went to sit with my girls. They were SUPER HAPPY now!! Especially Sassy. Lover her when she's high. I take a seat.
Brit comes. Sits to my left me on the adjacent table where his/my boys sat. A half hour goes by and he doesnt walk up to me. OOOOkkkkay, i dont get him at this point cuz i keep catching him looking at me and laughing at my jokes. I remember i have mad asignments and decide to tell evryone bye. give urrbody a kiss on the cheek and when i got to him, i wave goodbye. As i start to turn he holds my arm and pulls me to him wooooo. Asks me why im going and if im going out. I say i have lots a work.
"you have a good time when you go out..." is what i heard him say. His Brit accent can be heard in the shadow of his Kenyan accent. So im never sure what he says. And I say
" Yeah i usually have a good time"
"Nah I mean tonoit. if you com out wiv os, you will av a goot one..."is how he spoke
so sexy.
we spoke for another hour or so. He is so cute up close. Was i that drunk that day? He gave me butterflies and everything. For some strange reason, as we spoke, that song for Black eyed peas;meet me half way kept playing in my head. i dont know why. he makes me feel of that song hihi.
HOmetime. I tell him ive got to go. Coincedentally, so does he. we walk out. Meet a couple of friends on the way out say hi etc etc. he ofers to walk me to where im meeting a couple of my friends who im going home with.
Hearts racing.
Hugging goodbye.
He leans in for a Kisssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kiss back.
He kisses me again...!!!
i kiss back
I dont remember what he says after.Maybe i dint hear... but I say, "Ask for my number next time we meet."
He says okay
He goes.
I LOL with my pal.
I walk off like ten yards. Turn back and his standing where we kissed with his/boys. I wave. he waves back.
Saturday..
We bump into each other at a club on the rave. he looks so dashing. Black rose tells me she noticed some hot guy in the club and realised it was him. Ma butterflies nini nini. he buys me a drink. we chat, dance... kiss kisss kissss... Bigman calls him. Thyre leaving. Aks for my number. i give it to him. He is soooo hot!
Sends a text at like 5am saying it was nice seeing me. i was so sleepy and tipsy i couldnt reply.
Next day, Sunday he sends a text
"Hey gorgeous... Av a good time Yesternyt? I did"
What the hell is YESTERNYT!!!! LOL. Hes such a brit. anyway, he asks me to go online. He is with Male-Super Sanguine. We chat for ages...
Lets see how this one will play out.
*baby called me yesterday. Told me that he was told i was on the rave. Sent a text after saying that he is still in love with me. Okay.
CIAO .
Mwah Mwah Mwah
Last Thursday I left the house ( for the pub) pretty late. By the time i got there some of my friends were 'happy!' lol.
Class time approached. I hate this class cuz it fucks up all my thirsty thursdays. I've missed so many of them so this thursday i had to attend it.
Class didnt suck so much so once i got out i was all pumped to do assignments and study etc. my plan was to go straight home. But, since my oh-so-cool-super-girl-crew was still at the pub i decided to go for a lap of honour.
I walked in. As i did, i glanceed to my right and saw ...(allow me to change his name because I didnt relaise he'd be a part of this blog before)Brit, and etc.
So heres the the thing with Brit.
I had the hugest crush on him since like four weeks ago. He was my first crush/like after Baby. I realised only later that he didnt go here (my uni) and only comes over to have a drink with his boys who do go here.
First time we met i was DRUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNK!!!!!! The alcohol gave me the courage to talk to him. Asked him to take a pic wiv me haha. He agreed. And then we started to talk. And i thought....nah... I didnt feel like we clicked. So i was like blegh. what a waste becasue HE IS SO HOTTT.
Second time we met, it hit me how drunk I was on the first time we met and was totally embarrased. Despite the fact that I was no longer into him, I still didn't want to look bad. Plus i couldnt remember A WORD we talked about on that first rendezvous; what if i talked shit. Maybe thats why he didnt turn up the next week, i thought. So a part of me wanted to redeem my alcohol influnced behaviour. We bumped into each other when he was with his boys and i was with male-super sanguine (who are also his friend) outside the pub. After he said hallo,(he hugged me tight) i looked at him for any reaction...nothing. It looked as if he was either shy or just trying to hint that he didnt want my stories that day.I decided that it had to be the latter. He wasn't even looking at me. Shit, so i must have blundered. oh shit. the whole night we sat on opposite ends of the bar with no exchange.
I let it go and thought, oh fuck it. Third time we met. Same place... This day after my class-the one that got me syked to do my assignments...and im walking into the pub. I was walking past his friends (hadnt seen him yet) beacuse i had said hi to them before. But then i saw him. And he didnt look away. Infact he was loooking-loooking. so i decided to say hi. I did. He hugged me tight again... you know, more than usuall. so I waited for him to get awkward. He didnt. He was asking me whre I'de been, if i'm here for a drink. and then he just went quiet after BigMan started talking to me. Okay so he's not really outgoing?
Anyway, i went to sit with my girls. They were SUPER HAPPY now!! Especially Sassy. Lover her when she's high. I take a seat.
Brit comes. Sits to my left me on the adjacent table where his/my boys sat. A half hour goes by and he doesnt walk up to me. OOOOkkkkay, i dont get him at this point cuz i keep catching him looking at me and laughing at my jokes. I remember i have mad asignments and decide to tell evryone bye. give urrbody a kiss on the cheek and when i got to him, i wave goodbye. As i start to turn he holds my arm and pulls me to him wooooo. Asks me why im going and if im going out. I say i have lots a work.
"you have a good time when you go out..." is what i heard him say. His Brit accent can be heard in the shadow of his Kenyan accent. So im never sure what he says. And I say
" Yeah i usually have a good time"
"Nah I mean tonoit. if you com out wiv os, you will av a goot one..."is how he spoke
so sexy.
we spoke for another hour or so. He is so cute up close. Was i that drunk that day? He gave me butterflies and everything. For some strange reason, as we spoke, that song for Black eyed peas;meet me half way kept playing in my head. i dont know why. he makes me feel of that song hihi.
HOmetime. I tell him ive got to go. Coincedentally, so does he. we walk out. Meet a couple of friends on the way out say hi etc etc. he ofers to walk me to where im meeting a couple of my friends who im going home with.
Hearts racing.
Hugging goodbye.
He leans in for a Kisssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kiss back.
He kisses me again...!!!
i kiss back
I dont remember what he says after.Maybe i dint hear... but I say, "Ask for my number next time we meet."
He says okay
He goes.
I LOL with my pal.
I walk off like ten yards. Turn back and his standing where we kissed with his/boys. I wave. he waves back.
Saturday..
We bump into each other at a club on the rave. he looks so dashing. Black rose tells me she noticed some hot guy in the club and realised it was him. Ma butterflies nini nini. he buys me a drink. we chat, dance... kiss kisss kissss... Bigman calls him. Thyre leaving. Aks for my number. i give it to him. He is soooo hot!
Sends a text at like 5am saying it was nice seeing me. i was so sleepy and tipsy i couldnt reply.
Next day, Sunday he sends a text
"Hey gorgeous... Av a good time Yesternyt? I did"
What the hell is YESTERNYT!!!! LOL. Hes such a brit. anyway, he asks me to go online. He is with Male-Super Sanguine. We chat for ages...
Lets see how this one will play out.
*baby called me yesterday. Told me that he was told i was on the rave. Sent a text after saying that he is still in love with me. Okay.
CIAO .
Mwah Mwah Mwah
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
SCREEETCH!
haha.
Sigh... I've been looking foward to posting this.
I think it was two weeks ago... My first thursday rave. Mini dress, heels, sexy hair warrra warrra. Got free drinks all night. So i discovered more skin was the solution to a broke night out. Ha... men.
I went out with Super Sanguine and Bootyfull. It was great! It all began at our local pub here where, what shall I call him Nostalgia, thew for me afew drinks. Got tipsay...yay, but then I was noticing that he was paying a little more attention to me than he usually does ( I dated him eons ago-never really been any chemistry ever since)... Then when I'm leaving the pub with Super sanguine and bootyfull to go change for the *rumba that night, he's all up in my biz asking where i'm going and why because he'd already ordered a drink for me. Anyway, i still left.
The *rumba... Drink drink drink...dance dance dance. Nostalgia had halad asking where I was (???????) so i told him. He comes. OOOOkay so at the end of the night he comes to my place (haha..woooo) let me tell you how it went down. at the club i kept on telling him "Get into your cab and go to (his place of residence)!" He was like no no no, *eti I cant leave him hanging like that and so on. Evetually he gets into a cab to go to HIS HOME... but just as he did that, PSYCHO ANNA NICOLE SMITH (P.A.N.S) Starts *letaing for me DRRRRRRAAAAAAMMMMMMA just there outside the club. these drunken vibes! ahhh!!! and she was with LezGurl which was just so weird and awkward for me since Lez was still calling me-hung up on me warrra warrra... So Nostalgia jumps out of his cab trying to be super man and before i know it he's getting into a cab with me in a 'rescue mission' style straight to my place. THAT IS HOW THE *CHIBO CAME TO BE.
I expected more from the shag-due to certain elements being at that current time... a miss.
So forget Nostalgia.
REmember Blast from the past? BFP? the guy who's been halaing at me... guy i knew from Primary school and hadn't seen in 8years...
So yesterday, i invited him over for lunch to my place. I cooked-mashed potatoes, stir fry and tomato gravy... :-) :-)
I met him outside my place. My heart was beating so fast i wanted to throw up. The last time I was on a date-date was with Baby and that was three years ago... He IS HOT!!! YUMM YUMM.
When we got to my house I went to the kitchen to pour him a drink and i remember just throwing my hands up in victory of this catch. I was like "Thankyou Jesus!"
BUT THEN
One hour into the date, i was sooooooooo DIASAPPOINTED.
He was a nervous wreck. Couldnt look me in the eye, kept on trying to fill in all the quiet spaces of silence... he just wasnt as laid back and calm as I wanted /expected him to be. I'de picked this up from him when i'd talk to him over the phone but when I told Sassy about it, she told me to go on a first date before I'd swear him off cuz maybe he'de b better in person.
BFP is the perfect MAN. PERFECT. which is why i so mad. He's kind, sweet, big heart, bigger cock (i saw it through his aeronautical engineering official pants when he sat back)... He's foused in school, he;s looking for a long term relationship, he came to the kitchen twice and kissed me on my cheek twice while i was finishing up the cooking, he said i was beautiful atleast three times... but... he's what Sassy labeled as a 'Virgin plus one'.
Because of his not having played the field enough, the date at some point felt like a 16year old first awkward date. and that just killed all the chemistry that had been brewing between us.
He's perfect but lacks a little element,my chemical X that drives my nutz with all men aka, SWAG.
SOme girls dont need this ( in a relationship) but i honestly cannot be attrated to someone if they dont have it. I honestly from the bottom of my heart cannot. Otherwise we will be (just) friends.
After the date i went straight to talk to Bootyfull about it. oooh she laughed at me. I smoked two cigarettes in a row. Mayn DATING SUX.
He asked me how i felt about the date. I took an hour to decide that i would be honest wit him. I told him that i didnt feel the spark that i wanted to feel when i met him... He must have known where he was screwing up cuz he started apologizing for his random blubbering and all and asked if i would give him another date. I said, anything for you,yes. I didnt mean it.
There are just some things that are part of ones personality that one cannot get rid of, neither obtain a new.
Should I sit through the second date or cancel before things get more complicated?
please just hepl me!! :-/
Mayn, i really hoped that me and him would work..
Sulk.
Sigh... I've been looking foward to posting this.
I think it was two weeks ago... My first thursday rave. Mini dress, heels, sexy hair warrra warrra. Got free drinks all night. So i discovered more skin was the solution to a broke night out. Ha... men.
I went out with Super Sanguine and Bootyfull. It was great! It all began at our local pub here where, what shall I call him Nostalgia, thew for me afew drinks. Got tipsay...yay, but then I was noticing that he was paying a little more attention to me than he usually does ( I dated him eons ago-never really been any chemistry ever since)... Then when I'm leaving the pub with Super sanguine and bootyfull to go change for the *rumba that night, he's all up in my biz asking where i'm going and why because he'd already ordered a drink for me. Anyway, i still left.
The *rumba... Drink drink drink...dance dance dance. Nostalgia had halad asking where I was (???????) so i told him. He comes. OOOOkay so at the end of the night he comes to my place (haha..woooo) let me tell you how it went down. at the club i kept on telling him "Get into your cab and go to (his place of residence)!" He was like no no no, *eti I cant leave him hanging like that and so on. Evetually he gets into a cab to go to HIS HOME... but just as he did that, PSYCHO ANNA NICOLE SMITH (P.A.N.S) Starts *letaing for me DRRRRRRAAAAAAMMMMMMA just there outside the club. these drunken vibes! ahhh!!! and she was with LezGurl which was just so weird and awkward for me since Lez was still calling me-hung up on me warrra warrra... So Nostalgia jumps out of his cab trying to be super man and before i know it he's getting into a cab with me in a 'rescue mission' style straight to my place. THAT IS HOW THE *CHIBO CAME TO BE.
I expected more from the shag-due to certain elements being at that current time... a miss.
So forget Nostalgia.
REmember Blast from the past? BFP? the guy who's been halaing at me... guy i knew from Primary school and hadn't seen in 8years...
So yesterday, i invited him over for lunch to my place. I cooked-mashed potatoes, stir fry and tomato gravy... :-) :-)
I met him outside my place. My heart was beating so fast i wanted to throw up. The last time I was on a date-date was with Baby and that was three years ago... He IS HOT!!! YUMM YUMM.
When we got to my house I went to the kitchen to pour him a drink and i remember just throwing my hands up in victory of this catch. I was like "Thankyou Jesus!"
BUT THEN
One hour into the date, i was sooooooooo DIASAPPOINTED.
He was a nervous wreck. Couldnt look me in the eye, kept on trying to fill in all the quiet spaces of silence... he just wasnt as laid back and calm as I wanted /expected him to be. I'de picked this up from him when i'd talk to him over the phone but when I told Sassy about it, she told me to go on a first date before I'd swear him off cuz maybe he'de b better in person.
BFP is the perfect MAN. PERFECT. which is why i so mad. He's kind, sweet, big heart, bigger cock (i saw it through his aeronautical engineering official pants when he sat back)... He's foused in school, he;s looking for a long term relationship, he came to the kitchen twice and kissed me on my cheek twice while i was finishing up the cooking, he said i was beautiful atleast three times... but... he's what Sassy labeled as a 'Virgin plus one'.
Because of his not having played the field enough, the date at some point felt like a 16year old first awkward date. and that just killed all the chemistry that had been brewing between us.
He's perfect but lacks a little element,my chemical X that drives my nutz with all men aka, SWAG.
SOme girls dont need this ( in a relationship) but i honestly cannot be attrated to someone if they dont have it. I honestly from the bottom of my heart cannot. Otherwise we will be (just) friends.
After the date i went straight to talk to Bootyfull about it. oooh she laughed at me. I smoked two cigarettes in a row. Mayn DATING SUX.
He asked me how i felt about the date. I took an hour to decide that i would be honest wit him. I told him that i didnt feel the spark that i wanted to feel when i met him... He must have known where he was screwing up cuz he started apologizing for his random blubbering and all and asked if i would give him another date. I said, anything for you,yes. I didnt mean it.
There are just some things that are part of ones personality that one cannot get rid of, neither obtain a new.
Should I sit through the second date or cancel before things get more complicated?
please just hepl me!! :-/
Mayn, i really hoped that me and him would work..
Sulk.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Emotion
....
Today makes it a month since Baby and I broke up. And I am on my period. The one of many many many months that i was sure I was going to get my period, u know...cuz im not getting any now
It's Sunday so let me begin from Thursday.
I got reeeally drunk. Had a good time at the pub. Met this guy had been eyeying for about two weeks... No chemistry. He was telling me about the British Army. And then he asked why I didnt sit for long (to talk to him) ...I was all over the place me and my drunkedness. And what was his name? I think Richard or Remmy or Ricky.., I told him my name was Tipsy.
So after being abandoned to ride on a piki piki in my drunken state, mscheeeeew, I fika my place... Bump into crazy M as i was trying to climb the stairs. We laugh at how drnk I am hahaha, she takes me home... i fall!! like lterally fall as i am entering the house... ouch my thigh. we laaaugh. she chills bit.. then she goes. and then silence.
I am so drunk and so lonely. I start to wish that i could google single man for hire... FOR A RELAIONSHIP SILLY!
I dose off on the sofa
BEYONCE'S SWEET DREAMS IS LOUD IN MY BRAIN!
oh crap my phone! i cant even see my bag! where the fuck is my phone ringing from!!!!!!! I stand in the middle of my living room and listen. the phone is ringing from outside. ???? okay. so i open the door. my bag is outside.
I get the phone, but then it falls... anyway when i finally grasp it i dont even check the caller ID...
"Sorry!!! sorry the phone fell...!!!" I blurt
"oh its okay!" he responds
oh fuck.
I CHECK THE CALLER ID! "ex.factor" aka BABY.
"Hi!!" i shout into the speaker i dont know why
HIM: "Sema. I was just checking up on you..."
ME: "Im good(or something i think i said)"
HIM: Are you drunk?
ME: "hahaha abit"
HIM: "you cant even hala to tell me success on my exams?"
So we talk... and taaaalk. By this time ive switched to ORANGE (cheapest calling network in Kenya- YEEEEESSSS) and we talk for over an hour.
I know I am ment to be moving on and whatever but he came through you know. I really needed someone around and he called so, shoot me. I dont regret.
I find myself agreeing to him coming the next day...
"But Baby you said that you have a paper tomorrw at 1pm..." I ask/state
"I can come early..."
"how early?"
"How eary do you want me to come?"
....
7.45am- Friday
The three-knock. (ref to former blogs)
Im GROGGGGGGYYYY.
When i open the door after ten years his shoes are aleady off and hes back if facing me as he is leaning off the balcony. MY HEART POUNDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ANYWAY.
He comes straight to bed, and no we werent going to have sex but he said he 'just wanted to come and hold me' and i wanted to be held :-). And then, thats WHEN the holding turned to kissing and the kissing to emotion and the emotion to nudity and the nudity to sweet penetration and mygod was I wet. I swear, it had never felt so good. i swear.
wololo!
Anyway, he got out because we werent condomizing (lol wat a word) and i think that gave us time to think. The condoms were right there...I wanted him so bad but we didnt go on.
HE went for his paper and then went to library to prepare for his next one. Then I joined him at the lib but to meet with a friend of mine who we were ment study for MY paper with. He came to say hi. He kissed me on the forehead. He went back to his table upstairs. He texted me telling me I smelled good. Before his paper he came to say bye. Sweet things.
At night, he tried to kiss me. we were in public. I moved away jokingly sayin that I cant let people see us together. And that opened a can of worms!!!!
So as expected the next day he came to school fr his last papers and I could tell he was edgy. He later confronted me about how what i did hurt him. He also said that he saw it comong becasue all day the day before he saw it that I really have left him. And that I was detaching. And that when we had our last fight and i broke up with him he thought that it was just a fight and that we would end up together again as we always did and when he came over the day before he thought that that would be it...but I was 'detached'.
And... get this...that I am embarassed of him eti becasue i didnt want to be seen with him! Eti I want a better guy thats why i was ashamed BLOOOOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its cuz if people saw us together theyde think im tha stupid girl going back to a miserable relationship. I HATE HATE HATE LOOKING WEAK.
He was so firm on his stand then i became angry and he became rude and i became bitchy an we fought urgh. stupid boy. we concluded and i left 4 home almost crying. then he followed me... i mean if youre bored by now reading this stop cuz the same shit recurrs aaaalll night.
Finally he leaves. I make it clear that he wasnt a booty call but i dont want us to get back together.
Moving foward..
Theres a guy sort of in my life. His name is Blast From The Past (BFP). Knew him in Primary school. Had a crush on him but he was in 6yellow and I wa in 6green so i hardly saw him.And then me and Gitush started dating...
I dont want to Jinx it so letme leave it at that.
PS: AlienBubble, Curly fries and gaypeace, thank you for youre sweeet emails and all. My nights arnt so lonely cuza yall. much love
Today makes it a month since Baby and I broke up. And I am on my period. The one of many many many months that i was sure I was going to get my period, u know...cuz im not getting any now
It's Sunday so let me begin from Thursday.
I got reeeally drunk. Had a good time at the pub. Met this guy had been eyeying for about two weeks... No chemistry. He was telling me about the British Army. And then he asked why I didnt sit for long (to talk to him) ...I was all over the place me and my drunkedness. And what was his name? I think Richard or Remmy or Ricky.., I told him my name was Tipsy.
So after being abandoned to ride on a piki piki in my drunken state, mscheeeeew, I fika my place... Bump into crazy M as i was trying to climb the stairs. We laugh at how drnk I am hahaha, she takes me home... i fall!! like lterally fall as i am entering the house... ouch my thigh. we laaaugh. she chills bit.. then she goes. and then silence.
I am so drunk and so lonely. I start to wish that i could google single man for hire... FOR A RELAIONSHIP SILLY!
I dose off on the sofa
BEYONCE'S SWEET DREAMS IS LOUD IN MY BRAIN!
oh crap my phone! i cant even see my bag! where the fuck is my phone ringing from!!!!!!! I stand in the middle of my living room and listen. the phone is ringing from outside. ???? okay. so i open the door. my bag is outside.
I get the phone, but then it falls... anyway when i finally grasp it i dont even check the caller ID...
"Sorry!!! sorry the phone fell...!!!" I blurt
"oh its okay!" he responds
oh fuck.
I CHECK THE CALLER ID! "ex.factor" aka BABY.
"Hi!!" i shout into the speaker i dont know why
HIM: "Sema. I was just checking up on you..."
ME: "Im good(or something i think i said)"
HIM: Are you drunk?
ME: "hahaha abit"
HIM: "you cant even hala to tell me success on my exams?"
So we talk... and taaaalk. By this time ive switched to ORANGE (cheapest calling network in Kenya- YEEEEESSSS) and we talk for over an hour.
I know I am ment to be moving on and whatever but he came through you know. I really needed someone around and he called so, shoot me. I dont regret.
I find myself agreeing to him coming the next day...
"But Baby you said that you have a paper tomorrw at 1pm..." I ask/state
"I can come early..."
"how early?"
"How eary do you want me to come?"
....
7.45am- Friday
The three-knock. (ref to former blogs)
Im GROGGGGGGYYYY.
When i open the door after ten years his shoes are aleady off and hes back if facing me as he is leaning off the balcony. MY HEART POUNDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ANYWAY.
He comes straight to bed, and no we werent going to have sex but he said he 'just wanted to come and hold me' and i wanted to be held :-). And then, thats WHEN the holding turned to kissing and the kissing to emotion and the emotion to nudity and the nudity to sweet penetration and mygod was I wet. I swear, it had never felt so good. i swear.
wololo!
Anyway, he got out because we werent condomizing (lol wat a word) and i think that gave us time to think. The condoms were right there...I wanted him so bad but we didnt go on.
HE went for his paper and then went to library to prepare for his next one. Then I joined him at the lib but to meet with a friend of mine who we were ment study for MY paper with. He came to say hi. He kissed me on the forehead. He went back to his table upstairs. He texted me telling me I smelled good. Before his paper he came to say bye. Sweet things.
At night, he tried to kiss me. we were in public. I moved away jokingly sayin that I cant let people see us together. And that opened a can of worms!!!!
So as expected the next day he came to school fr his last papers and I could tell he was edgy. He later confronted me about how what i did hurt him. He also said that he saw it comong becasue all day the day before he saw it that I really have left him. And that I was detaching. And that when we had our last fight and i broke up with him he thought that it was just a fight and that we would end up together again as we always did and when he came over the day before he thought that that would be it...but I was 'detached'.
And... get this...that I am embarassed of him eti becasue i didnt want to be seen with him! Eti I want a better guy thats why i was ashamed BLOOOOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its cuz if people saw us together theyde think im tha stupid girl going back to a miserable relationship. I HATE HATE HATE LOOKING WEAK.
He was so firm on his stand then i became angry and he became rude and i became bitchy an we fought urgh. stupid boy. we concluded and i left 4 home almost crying. then he followed me... i mean if youre bored by now reading this stop cuz the same shit recurrs aaaalll night.
Finally he leaves. I make it clear that he wasnt a booty call but i dont want us to get back together.
Moving foward..
Theres a guy sort of in my life. His name is Blast From The Past (BFP). Knew him in Primary school. Had a crush on him but he was in 6yellow and I wa in 6green so i hardly saw him.And then me and Gitush started dating...
I dont want to Jinx it so letme leave it at that.
PS: AlienBubble, Curly fries and gaypeace, thank you for youre sweeet emails and all. My nights arnt so lonely cuza yall. much love
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Makings
FINALLY im seated infront of my laptop blogging... long time. It's so hot outside krist! I wish I could have sex rite now...with ice cube props.
Oh man, oh man, alot has happened in the past since-the-last-time I published something.I went to coast, hot bar tender bought my cousins and I drinks everytime we drank at their (cousins) hotel...I lusted over him yummm,got back, started my schoolsemester and so on >>
Last weekend, I FINALLY HAD THE STOMACH TO END THINGS WITH BABY!. Omigod we was Furious!!!! maaaaddddddd!! He sent some really awfull texts; like I dont even know how hw went off talking to me like that...! Anyway, after he talked shiiiiit I sent him a text saying 'lenga sending such txts to me.' ANd then I didnt talk to him again.
Lately, theres been a weird oddness in my so-cool-super-girl-crew. LIke have you ever walked into a room and known that the poeple there were talking about you even if it was two hours after? yeah, that weirdness. Like a couple of days ago,X made this snicker when I said something. Ew.. Blair woldorf is a fictional character you know...Its a mockery to try and be her. and then there was this time I walked up to Y and Z... that awkward glare/air of 'we bitched about you'... Fake hi how r uz... Y is really good at hiding it but Z isnt, so i could feel it. W has been checking up on me all week cuz of the break up n all so when i mentioned it to her she said "youre noticing now!" and then W metioned it to B, B called me and told me to get used to it. Whoa, okay!! lol. It doesnt bother me too much, jst a little. Probably because I have alot going on right now and my neighbour,CrazyM has so much syke for the world shes always over here giving me her latest vibe. Plus, W and B and em Puppy...are cool with me and thats a relief.
So on Friday as usuall B called me. She shouts over the phone its hillarious. I wasnt really down for a plan so i just told her not to come for me. I dont have class on friday and my cousin Mirror spent the night and >>> anyway, mirror had class so I had to go to skul and give her the jewellery she left at my house. we had had a crazy thursday. My ex and his friends and I and Mirror drank like maaddd and then they all came to my house and we drank some more and danced then the alcohol ran out, then thw boys went to get some more and then we drank some more. yeeshhh i was so hangover friday. On my way to school I kept thinking i was going to bump into Baby. I could feel it in my soul that he was just around the corner. I wanted to bump into him i think. So that he could see me and then Ide walk off with an attitude.
Well it didnt happen.
Friday night- 2am
I hear men's voices outside my bedroom window. Im convinced it thugz. shit. Then theres a knock on my front door (azif i have a back door)... That three-times knock (reffer to former blogs). okay, so its Baby. SO i shout "(his name)???"
"Yeah its me."
( what the fuck!! has he come to see me? so he's missing me! why has he come with our watchie?)
I open the door. My eyes cant even adjust to the light (lightbulb).
"What are you doing here?" I ask,as if im not somewhat glad to see him. he looked really cleaned up. shaven. all black...crisp shirt.. cologne..
"Beau,Ive come with him (watchie) incase you beat me up... and incase you let me in the watchie can go tell the cab guy to go."
I dont know why I got angry at him all over suddden.( kwani he thinks he can just come here anytime he wants). MAybe its becasue he didnt come on a horse, and a shining armour.
"(his name) uve come for a booty call...!" i demand
he kept quiet... then came closer to me...slowly... as if he thought Ide slam the door. and then he said "purple due, my mom isnt getting any better. her results are back... I dont want us to shag. can we please talk?" his voice was shaking!! my heart melted. INSTANT. I didnt show it. but i let him in.
We talked for about an hour. Mostly about how things at his house are terrible. Its so so so sad. his hoome is an emotional hell. I'de never seen any man that destroyed. not even on TV. Oh man. I could cry just remembering. We slept together. cuddled. I was half skeptical half liking it.
He was kissing my face...over and over...I slept.
Next morning I made breakfast. we were chatting alot! it was so nice. he was telling me how the day before when he was in school he was hoping he would bump into me. eti he weent to all the pubs around school hoping to see me :-) hahaha. I didnt dare tell him that the same thing happened to me.
Anyway, when I was making the bed, he was gettn ready to go to school and the moment we were silent I asked him if we could have a sit down... Then he said " Please, not today. Can we just enjoy this?"
Emotional BlackMail!!
"okay" I responded understandingly.
SO THATS WHERE WE ARE NOW... ENJOYING THIS FOR NOW... IM SO CONFUSED!!! I was ready to move on. I mean i still love him to death but, i was ready to just be alone. I feel like Kourtney (kardashian)... That episode when Scott appeared in Miami.
:-) :-) :-) but i dont mind. Lets just see how this plays out.
Haiya. hes just called lol
Ciao!!!
Oh man, oh man, alot has happened in the past since-the-last-time I published something.I went to coast, hot bar tender bought my cousins and I drinks everytime we drank at their (cousins) hotel...I lusted over him yummm,got back, started my schoolsemester and so on >>
Last weekend, I FINALLY HAD THE STOMACH TO END THINGS WITH BABY!. Omigod we was Furious!!!! maaaaddddddd!! He sent some really awfull texts; like I dont even know how hw went off talking to me like that...! Anyway, after he talked shiiiiit I sent him a text saying 'lenga sending such txts to me.' ANd then I didnt talk to him again.
Lately, theres been a weird oddness in my so-cool-super-girl-crew. LIke have you ever walked into a room and known that the poeple there were talking about you even if it was two hours after? yeah, that weirdness. Like a couple of days ago,X made this snicker when I said something. Ew.. Blair woldorf is a fictional character you know...Its a mockery to try and be her. and then there was this time I walked up to Y and Z... that awkward glare/air of 'we bitched about you'... Fake hi how r uz... Y is really good at hiding it but Z isnt, so i could feel it. W has been checking up on me all week cuz of the break up n all so when i mentioned it to her she said "youre noticing now!" and then W metioned it to B, B called me and told me to get used to it. Whoa, okay!! lol. It doesnt bother me too much, jst a little. Probably because I have alot going on right now and my neighbour,CrazyM has so much syke for the world shes always over here giving me her latest vibe. Plus, W and B and em Puppy...are cool with me and thats a relief.
So on Friday as usuall B called me. She shouts over the phone its hillarious. I wasnt really down for a plan so i just told her not to come for me. I dont have class on friday and my cousin Mirror spent the night and >>> anyway, mirror had class so I had to go to skul and give her the jewellery she left at my house. we had had a crazy thursday. My ex and his friends and I and Mirror drank like maaddd and then they all came to my house and we drank some more and danced then the alcohol ran out, then thw boys went to get some more and then we drank some more. yeeshhh i was so hangover friday. On my way to school I kept thinking i was going to bump into Baby. I could feel it in my soul that he was just around the corner. I wanted to bump into him i think. So that he could see me and then Ide walk off with an attitude.
Well it didnt happen.
Friday night- 2am
I hear men's voices outside my bedroom window. Im convinced it thugz. shit. Then theres a knock on my front door (azif i have a back door)... That three-times knock (reffer to former blogs). okay, so its Baby. SO i shout "(his name)???"
"Yeah its me."
( what the fuck!! has he come to see me? so he's missing me! why has he come with our watchie?)
I open the door. My eyes cant even adjust to the light (lightbulb).
"What are you doing here?" I ask,as if im not somewhat glad to see him. he looked really cleaned up. shaven. all black...crisp shirt.. cologne..
"Beau,Ive come with him (watchie) incase you beat me up... and incase you let me in the watchie can go tell the cab guy to go."
I dont know why I got angry at him all over suddden.( kwani he thinks he can just come here anytime he wants). MAybe its becasue he didnt come on a horse, and a shining armour.
"(his name) uve come for a booty call...!" i demand
he kept quiet... then came closer to me...slowly... as if he thought Ide slam the door. and then he said "purple due, my mom isnt getting any better. her results are back... I dont want us to shag. can we please talk?" his voice was shaking!! my heart melted. INSTANT. I didnt show it. but i let him in.
We talked for about an hour. Mostly about how things at his house are terrible. Its so so so sad. his hoome is an emotional hell. I'de never seen any man that destroyed. not even on TV. Oh man. I could cry just remembering. We slept together. cuddled. I was half skeptical half liking it.
He was kissing my face...over and over...I slept.
Next morning I made breakfast. we were chatting alot! it was so nice. he was telling me how the day before when he was in school he was hoping he would bump into me. eti he weent to all the pubs around school hoping to see me :-) hahaha. I didnt dare tell him that the same thing happened to me.
Anyway, when I was making the bed, he was gettn ready to go to school and the moment we were silent I asked him if we could have a sit down... Then he said " Please, not today. Can we just enjoy this?"
Emotional BlackMail!!
"okay" I responded understandingly.
SO THATS WHERE WE ARE NOW... ENJOYING THIS FOR NOW... IM SO CONFUSED!!! I was ready to move on. I mean i still love him to death but, i was ready to just be alone. I feel like Kourtney (kardashian)... That episode when Scott appeared in Miami.
:-) :-) :-) but i dont mind. Lets just see how this plays out.
Haiya. hes just called lol
Ciao!!!
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