BAD ASS

Where shall I begin!!!

We left it at my last post where everybody warned me against Andrew. “leave him alone!!! ” “OMG Andrew is a jerk Purple are u mad” “Aiii that guy has too much ego”
Let’s re-cap shall we… Andrew is mister big masculine guy whose business card I smacked with a red kiss. The sexy Audi guy who disappeared on me after a steamy make out session at the club’s elevator only to tell me two weeks later he’s been in New York for work and is in Las Vegas for the weekend. Andrew.
Bad ASS, Rude Boy, Rough talking Andrew.

I heeded the warnings, I really did. I took it all in. And then I sat on my bed and thought, I could either stay alone and experience heartbreak all over again over the whole Garry+Dee situation, or I could be with Andrew; have him distract me. The latter was much more alluring.

And so, it began.

We would see each other on weekends and on weekdays he would, as usual hardly call me…I would try and start a little conversation, his one line responses would tick me off, I’d bitch and moan to my girls, they would either give the “I told you so” stories or the “he’s such as ass” shoulders to lean on… and it all worked fine for me. I would say, “Is this really worth it?” and then I would remember that it was either this or heartbreak. And I would opt for the “this”. Within a couple of weeks, I was used to the not calling much. I was even fine with it! I was also not thinking about Garry at ALL. My friends even said that I didn’t talk about him at all. I was pleased. I loved Andrew’s house, I loved watching him train boxing, I loved his cars and his speeding, I loved the spontaneous business trips out of town where he would carry me along, it was…okay. He was not emotionally invested in me, but I was fine with it. He taught me to be indifferent and not give a shit. I wouldn’t think Andrew and I were a match anyways! He is too short tempered and impulsive and selfish and therefore in any case I couldn’t date him nonetheless… So I didn’t invest emotionally with him as well, or so I thought.

One Friday night, I wanted more. I didn’t really have anyone to call after work, or text goodnight, or visit in the middle of the week… I have always wanted that. I knew that! But now that my basic emotional needs were catered for ie, no crying over Garry, I got laid every weekend or whenever a public holiday fell in the middle of the week, My dinner was paid for, drinks too, and I was satisfied at that basic level, I felt like I needed to move up to the next level.

That same Friday night, Andrew upset me. Correction-he hurt me. I was hurt by his actions and crude comments. Given that he is so domineering, I could not tell him how he made me feel for fear of sparking a fight. Because of how he hurt me, I felt it was time for me to leave him. He took me home with him that night, we had great sex; we always did…the next day he made b/fast and took my for my drama class,and I wore his clothes. The next day after that, Sunday now, he picked me up and we had a late lunch at the Riverside café. It was delicious. We had a great laugh, I wished his best friend, who was in the hopital, a quick recovery over his phone, and he took me home.

On Monday night, I called him.
“Hi…can you talk?”
“I’m about to leave the house…Speak” he said in his usual Andrew bad boy tone
“Whats up with the fucking attitude” I asked not really bothered for a remorseful response
“…no.. im walking to my car. Im about to drive so, speak” he said.
“ok… then um, we’ll talk tomorrow.” I said
“No its ok …” his voice was softer now
“Let me call you when youre not on the move babe…” I say
“ummmm okay” he finished flat toned.And I hang up.

Five Minutes later, he calls me back.

“Purple. What’s the matter. You sound sad” he says in a very political tone.
“well… I don’t want us to talk when you’re driving…” I respond
“NO… come on. Talk to me.”
“okay……. Um…………….. I don’t want to carry on with what we have.”

Silence.

“Why.”
“I mean…after Friday, I really cant. I am not about that Andrew”
"Okay... I know youre not about that Dew (he calls me by my Kikuyu name), . You had been feeling like this all weekend?”
“Yes I have.”

SILENCE.

“I’m sorry about Friday.” He says

And then there’s a small back and forth over the Friday night incident. He apologizes again and again.

“I know Andrew, I know. It’s okay. I just can’t carry on and I simply couldn’t wait for the weekend when you will have time to see me so that I could tell you this… I’m sorry this has to be over the phone ”

SILENCE

“Hello Andrew?”
“Look, Dew ... You’re a grown woman, so… I guess-"
The call gets disconnected! He calls back.

“Let’s talk about this later?” he says… “okay,please. I will call you later?”

I am taken aback. I had prepared myself for a break up. Later in Andrew’s words means three or four days later. Once, I had wanted to speak to him but he was busy. He was to get back to me later, and he called after three days. I know those the tell tale sign of “He’s just not that into you” but look, we’ve already gone through my other options.

I sat on the floor speechless. I was still nervous from the phone call. Was that a hint of emotion I heard in his voice? I head never heard him talk like that…with… affection.

The next day at 9am, I was busy at work when I saw “DON’T CALL” calling me (that’s the caller I.D I gave Andrew) I could nt believe it. I picked up. He was asking me how may day was. At 9 am? I told him I was a little busy, something I would never say to Andrew, but he didn’t become defensive. Instead he continued to talk about how he has to go and do this and that and that he hoped I had a great day.

Over the next few days, he called some more. Once at least each day. I was already on EXIT mode so I didn’t really reciprocate. And then a strange thing happened on that week when I was at *Kendra’s visiting her and her newborn, Garry called. YUP. Garry. He told me that he loves me and this he cant believe he let what we had go. He talked to me about the whole Daisy fling, said it meant nothing and that he thought she understood that he was in it for the sex. I didn’t care anymore. “we broke up 5 months ago Garry” I reminded him. “I know. I know. But you weren’t my gurl when I did what I did with Daisy. She was just a fling. I love you so much and I am sure of it now”

Okay! Seriously! What the fuck. What was all this.I listened to him. I had already forgiven him. But now I don’t know what in heaven’s name made him call me after such a long time. We talked for an hour. And then I sorta just forgot about it.

On Friday, Andrew called me at 8pm. I had been working late that day and was on my way to ‘Electric Avenue’ to meet my girls. He said “turn around and come to my house. Lets have a drink here and I will take you back to your friends”

“im already here Andrew, and im using the company taxi, I cant turn around. If you want o see me come!” I finished laughing

“er…my er leg is hurting today” he said obviously lying. He had had a massive boxing fight with his trainer the day before.

“Okay…!Fine” I responded in fake enthusiasm and hang up

At about 1am, I was beat. It was time to go home. I had had a good night. I turned to Wanjiru, my neighbor, whom I was going home with that night and asked her if she was ready to leave. As we were walking out, Wanjiru was stopped by one of her admirers at the club. I walked on. On my way down the narrow staircase, I spotted Wanjiru’s boyfriend. He had told her he was at home asleep and on the on the other hand, he wasnt supposed to know that she was out that night. They had been having some issues of late. The moment I spotted him I turned around and ran back up to Wanjiru and hissed “Patrick is here!!!” I was half laughing at myself and her frozen reaction when she grabbed my arm and ran to the toilet with me.

“Purple are you SURE it was Patrick!” she exhaled
“Yes I am sure! He is in a white shirt! I’m sure” I yelled back
“okay fine” And she was out the door. I stood in the toilet laughing. And then I redid my make up and walked out 5 minutes later.

I went back to my seat where my girls were at and sat, waiting for the confrontation between Wanjiru and her boyfriend to end. My gurls were all busy canoodling with their boyfriends, and so I was preety much staring into space. And so I felt sad that I was alone. That dreadful lonely feeling that always crept up on me when I was in the club was starting to tease my conscience. It had been over 5 weeks since I last felt it…since Andrew came into my life.

“What the fuck I cant believe I’m feeling this again” I murmered to myself as I buried my face in my hands. I decided that the right place to go and cry would be the bathroom, and so I stood up to head there. When I raised my eyes to look up, I saw Andrew.

He had just walked into the club. His giagantic bouncer-like frame and masculine shoulders were paving through the crowd in front of him in his arrogant swagger.He was saying hallo to Wanjiru now, and she was pointing out my location for him. My heart banged so hard when I processed what I was seeing. In a fraction of a second I spun my head the other direction, pretending I hadn’t seen him. I walked to Puppy, my BFF, and told her that Andrew was in the club! She couldn’t believe it. “did you tell him you were here???” She asked demanding an answer… “Well kind of! But not really. I didn’t tell him to come! I just told him I was coming to meet yal here. And he said his leg was fucked so he couldnt come or whatever”

So…
That whole night, Andrew was like…really, into me. He paid attention to me 100%. Holding me close, whispering shit in my ear… When normally he’d say something stupid and ide walk off to chat with someone else and he would just let me go, laughing at my highly strung nature, this time he pulled me back to him, coaxing a smile outta me. I mean that’s normal couple behavior, but Andrew is NOT like that. His bad ass. I have pretty much only dated bad boys…so I know them. And Andrew is the worst. But that night… that was unusual

I didn’t go home with him that night as I always spent every Friday over at his house. He was disappointed. Asked me why I made up my mind to go to my own home so quickly. “But Friday night is u and me..” he said. I didn’t know how to accommodate this new Andrew. I wasn’t sure whether to trust it or not. He was very…intouch. But the moment he realized this, he was back on Bad boy mode, making that downward sneer as he said “It’s cool.” And I would say “I’ll come over tomorrow.”

As I was driving home with a drunk Wanjiru who’s man left her at the club after their confrontation, Andrew called…asked if I was okay to drive, where I had reached and that I must call him once I get home.

Following day, I went to his house.

To repay his kindness, I bought him an expensive painting which he said he would hang in the living room the following week. There was no emotion attached to the gift really. I just bought it – as a response to his kindness.

I didn’t know where we stood or why he didn’t bring up the fact that I dumped him already. So I just went with the flow. Garry called me at some point that day, and Andrew was watching my face burst into a smile when I saw his caller ID. He asked me about Garry. I told him he was nobody. He didn’t believe me.

The following week, this week, I thought that Andrew and I had generated a new culture given he’s previous week’s actions. One where he called me on weekdays as well as weekends and called me on my way home to say he will miss me.But that wasn’t the case. He didn’t call on Monday or Tuesday. On Wednesday I wrote him a text. “Lord Andrew, Im fine thanks. How are you!”

His response “I’m good. Mad busy. Tax deadlines”

We were back to our usual on liner texts it seemed.

I do appreciate that Andrew helped me get over Garry. I am also very much aware that what we have is 70% more likely to fail as a relationship and 100% more likely to work as a fling. But now, I want more. Maybe not from him, but I cant carry on this way.

Garry’s been calling me and texting me everyday since last week. I always pick. Andrew wont call. So why not.

But I think now, I should cut them both off.

Garry is into me because he knows I have a man. Andrew can only have me as an accessory to his sex life. And with both men, I cant survive for long without breaking down. So yesterday, before writing this blog, I asked Andrew on text “Hey,tax deadlines met? Can we meet today?”
Please note that Andrew is always “too busy” on weekdays to give me the time of day. But I was testing the genuinity of this new'into me'act.

His response was non lucid “Not Yet!”

He didn’t mention my request for a rendezvous. Typical. So I responded, “Well my dear! Have yourself a lovely weekend. Pay up soon. Tax evasion is a crime :-) ! TATA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

He got the hint. He knew I was on my way out the door. A text came almost immidiately “You can come and watch me fight if you like”

And I replied “Naaaah thanks. MWAH”

Im just bored of his shit. I don’t care about how busy he gets and how he works out everyday after work and how Al Capone needed a shot (His Doberman mutt who I baby sit from time to time) or whareva! I belive him, I know he is extremely busy, but I mean haha…don’t you know how to use your phone.

I have been ignoring his calls and messages and I think today he has had enough and he sent a text saying "I will never call you again :-)". What are we? Sixteen???!!!Whatever rocks his boat mayn. I dont even care that my favourite heels are at his house. But I think for now, Im DONE. No M.O.S.K no nothing... jus me my self and I.

Tonight, I drink!

Peace & Love
Purple